


We Are People Blind

by vesseltyler



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Delusions, Domestic, Hallucinations, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Build, josh has blue hair, not important to the plot but important to me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vesseltyler/pseuds/vesseltyler
Summary: Tyler is content to live on his own. No one can be hurt by him if he's alone. But, his entire worldview is changed when Josh is shoved into his life; a boy from California who's searching for himself back in his hometown. Everyone thinks they can help each other, but neither of them are sure about that. They're both a little messed up, but who isn't?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> don't let this first chapter put you off, this fic isn't going to be entirely sadness. Consider it a good ol' fashioned mix of angst and fluff.  
> trigger warnings will be posted at the beginning of each chapter, so look out for those. they'll also be in the tags, which will be updated as this fic progresses. i hope you enjoy! (and pls leave a comment so i know what you all think!) 
> 
> follow me if you'd like! [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/moontyIer) [tumblr](http://www.acxerman.tumblr.com)
> 
> tw: self harm, hallucinations

Tyler didn't want to be alive. No, not really.  
  
But he didn't want to be dead, either.

He was trapped in a limbo, some of the voices in his head telling him he was worthless, that he was better off dead, that he deserved to die, some telling him to hold on, to keep fighting, to stay alive.He didn't know who to believe.

There were plenty of reasons to stay alive, sure. The glowing warm colours of a sunset, the way the air feels just after it's rained, cool misty mornings, laughing so hard you can't breathe, listening to a favourite song, hearing new music for the first time.

Music, the ability to create something out of nothing. That idea had always captivated Tyler. The thought of being able to create something only he understood was one he hadn't been able to get out of his head ever since he first laid hands on the small keyboard his mother had given him a few years back.

There were plenty of reasons to quit being alive, however. Some would call it the easy way out, because fighting your demons meant you were strong, and you were weak if you gave in. But sometimes Tyler didn't want to be strong. It was hard to be strong. Dying would be an easy way out of dealing with his problems. People need easy sometimes. People need breaks. Tyler thought he had reason enough to want a break. Maybe it would make the voices in his head be quiet for a change.

He wasn't going to die, no. But he wasn't going to stay alive. The solution to this dilemma came in the form of a notebook, one he swore he would never let another living soul see the contents of. It's pages held his soul, his story. The four am breakdowns, the repetitive whispers of the unwelcome guests in his brain, the stream of thoughts that he could tell no one else; it all went into the crisp blank pages of his journal, half formed lyrics scrawled with shaking hands and scratched by terrified thoughts.

That wasn't all the journal contained, however. Something else was hidden within the marked up pages, something he knew he could tell no one about. The writing was his mental escape, but the blade was his physical.

It was small, thin. Taken from a razor torn apart in a desperate panic on a particularly dark night, where the voices were louder than usual. Where Blurryface had too much control. He kept the blade tucked away, hidden neatly in between two pages of the journal, ready to be accessed at any time.

He didn't always use it. Sometimes he would sit in bed late at night, just holding the tiny weapon. He wouldn't bring it to his skin, but would just look at it, tears silently streaking down his cheeks. Other nights he would run to his room, locking himself in and making a desperate grab for the journal with shaking hands and itching arms. On nights like that, the sting of the blade was the only thing that could bring relief.

Sobs would wrack his body, hands shaking so hard he would nearly drop the blade, but he didn't. He would tighten his grip, yank up his sleeve, and find a clean stretch of skin. Do it they whispered, urging him on, excited to see the crimson. Sometimes he would hesitate, scared and unsure for a brief second, before the itch became too much too bare. Other times, there was no hesitation. Tonight was one of those nights.

Tyler fumbled for the blade he knew was somewhere in his notebook. His head was pounding, his vision was blurry, and he couldn't find the flimsy piece of metal. Panic built in his chest, strangling his airway, making it even harder to breathe. It was here, it had to be. He knew he put it back in last time, he could've sworn.

But he couldn't find it. The voices screamed in his head, the loudest of them all sneering that he couldn't even do this one thing right. He couldn't even manage to hurt himself without fucking up. Pathetic.

Heart racing and pounding in his ears, Tyler shook the notebook, dislodging various scraps of paper and finally, finally, the deadly glint of the blade tumbled out. He picked it up with a choked sob, eyes filled with tears. He ran his thumb over the edges, making sure the sharp side was facing down.

He pulled up his sleeve, revealing a battlefield of red and pink, trying to find a part of the skin he hadn't yet sliced open.

Finding what he was looking for, he positioned the blade and shut his eyes, not wanting to watch what he was about to do. With gritted teeth, Tyler pressed in hard and pulled the blade across his skin, splitting it open with a gasp and a fresh wave of tears, followed by immediate relief.

He lifted the thin blade and did it again. And again, and again, until he could breathe, and there were four even lines on his forearm. Tyler opened his eyes, exhausted, and stared blankly at the fresh cuts. He sat, and he stared, letting his thoughts take over.

Blurryface was praising him, telling him he had done a good job, that he had done the right thing. Tyler was too tired to fight back against him, and moved robotically to put the razor away. The blood on the edge hadn't yet dried, and Tyler knew it would stain the pages of his journal, but he'd deal with cleaning it another time. He'd deal with cleaning his arm up another time, too. Possibly tomorrow. Right now, he was too tired.

Pulling his sleeve back down and ignoring the sting and the way the blood stuck the fabric to his arm, Tyler crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head, letting Blurry draw him into a sleep tormented by nightmares as he gave into exhaustion.

But he'd be better in the morning. He always was.

\-----

Tyler woke with a jolt, shooting straight up in bed. His chest was heaving, and the sheets were tangled around his legs, damp from sweat. It was too hot. Everything was too hot. The room felt fuzzy and warm, and it was hot. Hot hot hot. He needed to get out.

He tore off his sweatshirt, tears filling his eyes when the dried blood on the sleeves ripped away from fresh cuts. Cool air hit his bare skin, chilling him slightly. That was better. Less choking, less suffocating.

Eyes still wet from the stinging pain in his arm, Tyler glanced at the clock. 4:05 blinked in glowing red out from the darkness. He swiped at his eyes roughly, clearing his blurry vision as he slowly moved off his bed, feet hitting the ground with a gentle thud. He padded down the hall to the bathroom and flicked on the light, jumping at the smallest of sounds coming from the house. He made sure the door was shut tight, just in case.

As the faucet ran over the bleeding lines, Tyler silently scolded himself for not cleaning up earlier. He'd gone deeper than usual, and he was sure the blood had soaked through the sleeve of his jacket. He could always fix the jacket, or just buy a new one, but he hoped leaving the cuts so openly exposed and uncleaned wouldn't lead to an infection.

No, that was the last thing he needed.

With his arm neatly bandaged and stinging slightly less, Tyler crept back to his room, making sure he wasn't going to wake any of the creatures lurking in the shadows. Just as he reached his room, a floorboard behind him creaked and he spooked, falling forward through the door and landing painfully on the wood floors.

Tyler didn't like the ground, not at night. The floor of his room was level with under the bed, and one could only imagine what was hiding under there. It wasn't safe, and that was as much as Tyler was willing to find out. He scrambled off the floor and into bed, the one place where he was safe from anything that his mind could conjure up. He looked back at the clock; 4:18.

Hands shaking slightly from his fright, Tyler pulled the still-damp covers around him, hopeful that he would be able to get a few more hours of sleep before he needed to get up for his shift at the music store. But no, oh no. That would not be happening tonight.

A scratchy, biting cackle sounded out in his head, causing him to wince. No, please no. Not tonight. Not now.

 _What's the matter?_ Blurryface sneered, _little boy's afraid of the dark?_

Tyler pressed his hands against his ears. He was too tired to deal with this right now. He was ready to sleep. But he knew Blurry wouldn't leave him alone until he'd gotten his fill. "Go away," He mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.

Blurryface cackled again, joined by a chorus of the company he liked to bring along. They liked to take turns, constantly making quipped remarks in high pitched, sneering voices, quite the contrast to their leader's.

 _Oh, Tyler._ He whispered, followed by an echo of disappointed voices. He imagined Blurry's minions shaking their heads sadly at him. _What's the matter with you? Scared of a little shadows? What's there to be afraid of?_

Tyler didn't answer.

 _Don't be that way, Tyler._ The threat in his voice sent a shiver down Tyler's spine, and he burrowed deeper into the safety of his bed. He still didn't answer.  _Sit up and talk to me, Tyler._ Blurry warned, voice menacing.

But Tyler didn't move. He was frozen, petrified in place.

 _Tyler_. He knew that was his last warning. _Sit up. Now._

He refused.

He heard a sigh. _I really didn't want to do this._

Yes he did.

 _Up_. He commanded. Tyler listened. He had to.

Tyler slowly sat up and uncovered his ears, watching his movements as if from behind a screen. This wasn't him. He was trapped. A prisoner to his own mind, with no means of escape until his captor decided he had had enough.

 _Look around you, Tyler_. He didn't want to. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut again, block out the world around him, ignore it until everything went away. But he wasn't going to get it that easy.

 _Look around_. More forceful this time, enough to motivate Tyler's eyes to slowly, slowly, survey the room. He was terrified, heart pounding out of his chest and entire body quivering.

 _Please, no_. He tried to plead, knowing that whatever Blurryface was about to show him would not be pleasant.

 _Look, Tyler_. Blurry encouraged, twisted excitement in his voice. _Look what I've made for you._

Tyler didn't want to look. He wasn't going to look, not this time.

He looked.

And he screamed.

\-----

The creature was horribly disfigured, its skeletal form curled into a corner of the room. Its head looked up slowly when Tyler screamed, revealing no face, only a mess of disfigurement and scarring. A cruel mouth stretched into a wicked smile, revealing a row of jagged razor teeth. Tyler regained control of his body, scrambling back against his headboard as Blurryface cackled with glee.

 _It's beautiful, isn't it?_ He asked, and Tyler could only imagine the twisted smile that would be on his face.

 _Make it stop_ , Tyler begged, fighting back another scream as the monster wrapped it's stick arms around itself, eyeless face seeming to be staring right at him.

_You have to admire its beauty, don't you?_

Tyler disagreed. The monster was not beautiful. It was emaciated, nothing more than a skeleton, with scraps of greyish skin hanging onto the ribs and limbs.

And the limbs, oh how they were terrifying. The arms and legs. They were long, far too long for a being of that size. Tyler could clearly see the bones that made up the arm, and the elbows jutted out awkwardly. But the worst part of all, there were three. Three terrible spider arms, long, thin fingers wrapping around the equally bony legs. Tyler whimpered, earning himself an irritated huff from Blurryface. _Honestly, Tyler. I've been working on it for ages, and this is the greeting you give it?_

Tyler shook his head rapidly, fearing what was to come.

_If you're not going to say hi, I guess it's just going to have to introduce itself._

Tyler froze in fear, able to do nothing but watch as the creature unfolded itself, head nearly touching the ceiling once it had fully stood up, swaying slightly. The grinning expression hasn't changed, sending another round of chills down Tyler's spine.

The room wasn't hot anymore. It was freezing. Tyler watched with wide eyes as the monster took one step, and then another. It was right next to his bed, having crossed the room with only those two steps. He swallowed hard, his throat clicking in the dead silence of the room. Even Blurryface was quiet, waiting to see how his creation greeted his captive. Tyler flinched when it knelt to the ground, now eye level with him. He didn't dare move further, for fear of angering it.

 _Say something,_ Blurryface urged, impatience and excitement clear in his voice.

Tyler's mouth opened and close, his voice unable to work. He couldn't do this. He was going to die, right here, tonight. He didn't want to die.

 _Tyler_ , Blurry snapped.

He swallowed again, and opened his mouth. He barely managed to whisper a hoarse "hi" before the was a horrendous cracking sound, and the creature bent it's head forward.

And that was what pushed Tyler past his limit. The skull was bashed in from the top, a giant hole unevenly chipped away. Torn skin stretched across the gaping hole, revealing not a brain, but something far worse. Glowing red eyes, peering through the shredded skin, piercing straight into Tyler's mind.

His body went into overdrive, screaming and scrambling as far away from the monster as he could, thrashing against the sheets that had twisted to hold him in place. Finally freeing himself with a hard kick, he shoved himself backwards, and then he was falling, panic gripping him hard.

His skull connected to the ground with a loud crack, and he finally, finally, was peacefully unconscious.

\----------

 

end note: blurry's creation based on [this](http://m.imgur.com/ZWqQPMK)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll update on fridays, so stick around for that :)
> 
> please leave a comment, i love hearing feedback!

A loud buzzing slowly brought Tyler back to the world of the living, dark eyes blinking open. He laid on the hard ground for a moment, confused as to how he'd gotten there. Had something happened last night that he didn't remember?

Figuring that was an issue for another time, he rolled back into his side, cradling his aching head in the crook of his elbow, hoping he could just sleep for a while longer. He was tired.

Tyler's phone vibrated obnoxiously against his bed stand a second time, forcing him to accept that it was time to be awake now, and he pushed himself into a sitting position, head pulsating with every move. He groaned, shutting his eyes and pressing a hand between them as the other blindly searched for the phone, knocking it off the table and to the ground next to him in the process.

He slowly picked it up, squinting at the too-bright screen that only caused a dull pain to flash behind his eyes.

Six missed calls, four voicemails, and who knows how many texts from his coworker, Jenna, along with a few questioning texts from his boss. Oh no.

A jolt of fear went through Tyler, headache all but forgotten. The time on his phone read 10:26; he was late nearly two and a half hours. He expected a jab from Blurry about his stupidity when he realised he hadn't set his alarm the previous night, but he was surprisingly silent.

Unlocking his phone and squinting at the screen, Tyler quickly scrolled through his notifications, opening Pete’s texts first. They would be easier to deal with.

 **From: Pete  
** **Tyler, r u coming in today?**

Tyler nearly rolled his eyes at the text talk.  
**  
****From: Pete  
****Tyler, this is Pete**

Yes, as if Tyler didn’t already know that.  
**  
****From: Pete  
****Tyler, pls call me when u r available. Jenna wnt stop asking**

 **From: Pete  
** **Ok, pls tell me when u are late nxt time so jenna dsnt bother me again, thanks -Pete**

If Pete was complaining about Jenna to Tyler, then something was definitely wrong. Pete never complained about Jenna, she was a model employee. Never late to work, always cheery and smiling, and never complaining about having to stay late or work overtime.

Tyler tried to be like her, but he could only handle so much of working in customer service, even if it was at a music store. Sometimes he needed a break. He got tired easily.

Given Tyler’s past and his tendency to withdraw into himself, Jenna worried about him like a mother does her small child, so he could understand why Jenna had likely been driving Pete up the wall, despite her position as perfect employee.

Bracing himself for the twenty one messages that were still unread, he opened the message thread with Jenna, greeted by a string of grey text bubbles that took a bit of scrolling to reach the top of.  

 **From: Jenna  
** **hey ty, it’s like 8:20? where are you??  
** **  
****From: Jenna  
** **?????  
** **  
****From: Jenna  
****tyler???**

 **From: Jenna  
****you’re almost an hour late are you okay? youre never this late**  

 **From: Jenna  
** **pete wants to know where you are**

 **From: Jenna  
** **tyler im really worried please answer me**

The texts had stopped for a while, but started up again just before Tyler had been woken by them.

 **From: Jenna  
** **tyler this is serious**

 **From: Jenna  
** **where are you**

 **From: Jenna  
** **are you okay**

 **From: Jenna  
****do i have to call 911**  

 **From: Jenna  
** **jk**

 **From: Jenna  
** **but seriously**

 **From: Jenna  
** **tyler if you don’t answer in the next five minutes im coming over**

 **From: Jenna  
** **pete gave me permission i swear ill do it**

 **From: Jenna  
** **……?**

 **From: Jenna  
** **tyler please**

 **From: Jenna  
** **im coming over**

 **From: Jenna  
** **ill be there in 10 minutes**

 **From: Jenna  
** **you better not be dead. or naked**

 **From: Jenna  
** **k im leaving now bye**

 **From: Jenna  
** **i hope youre okay**

Tyler stood abruptly off the floor, swiping his screen to the left to see how long he had until Jenna appeared at his house. The last text had been sent seven minutes ago, meaning he had no time to clean himself up and think of a reasonable excuse before Jenna would be crashing into his house with her spare key, looking for him.

As if on cue, Tyler heard the front door unlock and open. She must’ve been speeding on the way over.

A gentle voice called out “Tyler? Are you alive?”  
  
It was said with a joking tone, but they both knew it was a worryingly legitimate question.

Panic gripped Tyler’s chest, constricting his breathing as he frantically looked around his room for something to cover his bare arms, wrapped carefully in bandages that definitely had spots of dried blood that had seeped through the gauze.

There was nothing around him, nothing to cover him, and he was running out of time.

He heard Blurryface’s mocking laugh in the deep recesses of his mind, but he blocked him out, focused on finding something clean and with sleeves before Jenna saw what had happened. He spun around, searching for the jacket he had ripped off last night. The sleeves were bound to be bloody, but the fabric was dark enough that it would hide that fact until he had time to change into something better. He felt some of the tension in his chest release as he spotted a clean, non bloodied zip up a few feet from the end of his bed.

He nearly tripped in his rush to grab the jacket and pull it on, but he froze with jacket in hand when his bedroom door cracked open.

“Tyler…?” Jenna asked softly.

“H-hey,” he answered nervously, hyper-aware of his bare chest and arms. He straightened up and crossed his arms against his chest, giving the blonde a gentle smile. “How’s it going?”

“Tyler!!” He winced at the volume of her voice, but held his smile. “Why didn’t you answer me?? Why didn’t you come to work? Pete and I were worried sick.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, were you ignoring me?”  
  
“What? No, no. I just overslept. Forgot to set my alarm, that’s all.” He laughed nervously.

“Well, you at least could’ve answered me. I thought you were in serious trouble, Ty.”

“Oh, um, no. I’m sorry. I’m uh, my phone woke me up? I had kind of a late night last night.”  
  
She looked at him suspiciously. “Late night doing what?”  
  
Tyler shrugged, “I dunno. Couldn’t sleep.” That was the truth. Mostly.

“Really?”  
  
Tyler nodded. “Really.”

“What’re those for, then?” She motioned at his chest, where his bandaged arms were still crossed tightly, trying to hide evidence that was impossible to hide. She sounded angry.

He hesitated, wracking his brain to pass the bandages off as some sort of accident. Say he fell off his long board, got scratched by a cat, bit by a dog, fell down the stairs, anything to avoid admitting what he’d really done, taken a blade and rippe--

He didn’t realise he was crying until he felt arms around him, guiding him gently to the bed and sitting him down. Tyler shrunk into himself, embarrassed of what he had done, and angry that he knew this incident wouldn’t stop him in the future.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. I’m not mad at you, I was just worried. You’re safe, you’re okay.” Tyler hung his head, burying it in the worn jacket he was still desperately clutching onto.

“I’m sorry.” He choked out, voice muffled. “It won't happen again.”

He knew what that meant, Jenna knew what that meant. It would happen again, they both knew it.

But neither of them was willing to admit it. 

\-----

"I think you need to get a roommate.” Jenna said after Tyler had calmed down, showered, and changed into clean clothes. The hot water had burned his arms and made him hiss in pain, but it felt good to finally be clean of all the sweat and grime of the past week. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had showered.  
  
"A what?" Tyler asked, not sure he had heard her properly.  
  
"A roommate. You know, someone you live with. I think it'd be good for you. Make paying rent a lot easier, too."  
  
"I don't need a roommate. I like being alone." Tyler liked solitude, he liked living by himself. Ever since his last two roommates, Nick and Chris, had moved out, he'd been alone in the house, and he quite liked it that way.  
  
"Aw c'mon, it could be nice." Jenna insisted, bright eyes sparkling hopefully.  
  
Tyler shook his head. "I'm not getting a roommate. I'm not making someone live with all this," he gestured to himself and Jenna rolled her eyes. "Ty, you're not that bad!"  
  
He raised an eyebrow and looked at her, "Are you serious? No one’s gonna want to live with me." Even if he did want a roommate, he doubted anyone would want to live with him.  
  
"You never know. I think it'd be good for you. You wouldn't have to be alone all the time, you know?" Tyler knew that was her way of suggesting maybe he wouldn't be so violent towards himself if someone were there with him.  
  
It hadn't turned out well with Nick and Chris, though, they had claimed they had to move out for "personal reasons." Tyler knew those reasons were because of him. He was draining to deal with. The nightmares, the hallucinations, the uncontrollable urge to see himself bleed, it was too much for them.  
  
It was too much for everyone, actually. Everyone left him, eventually. And everyone would continue to leave him, until he finally left everyone else, once and for all.  
  
He couldn't wait for that day.  
  
Tyler jumped when a hand rested softly on his leg, scaring him back into reality.  
  
"S-sorry, what?" He stuttered out. Jenna looked at him in worry.  
  
"I was saying, I know someone who's looking for a place right now. He's a real great guy, just moved here. I can give you his number if you want more details?"  
  
"Jenna, I can't just welcome someone in to stay with me. I'd have to work it out with my landlord, and that could take forever."  
  
Jenna scoffed. "You know that's not true. Daniel loves you, and you know it. Why else would he still let you live alone in a place like this? I think he'd be thrilled with you getting a roommate."  
  
She was right. Tyler didn't know how old Daniel, his landlord, was, but he doubted he was any older than Tyler was. He had an unusually strong love for dogs, and was constantly asking Tyler when he was going to get one. Tyler always told him never, but still he persisted. Unlike most landlords who had bans on pets, Tyler was sure Daniel would someday put some sort of pet requirement, specifically for dogs.  
  
Plus, Daniel had definitely been making his rent much lower than it should be since his last roommates had moved out. He would be thrilled at the idea of Tyler finally having a roommate again. Not for the money, but just because he was "worried about your wellbeing," as he had once told him.  
  
Okay, so maybe getting a roommate back into the rent agreement wouldn't be so hard after all.  
  
But that didn't change the fact that Tyler wasn't sure he even wanted to live with someone else. What if he didn't get along with this guy Jenna knew? He could really be a complete loser, a terrible person. What would he do then?  
  
He didn't even know if having a new roommate would help him. He could just get worse, become more secretive, hide everything from everyone. Even more so than he did now.

“Just think on it, okay? I’ll give you his number, and maybe you could talk to him first, see how you get along. This could be a really positive thing, please don’t push it away. At least give it a chance. If he’s not fit to live with you, it would be good for you to at least make some friends.” Jenna’s eyes were filled with so much hope, there was no way Tyler would be able to deny her at least taking this guy’s number.

He sighed, giving in. “Fine, text me his number.”  
  
Jenna smiled widely, giving Tyler a gentle hug. He tensed to keep himself from shoving her off; he wasn’t the biggest fan of hugs most the time. Luckily, she soon let go.

“Thank you so much, I promise you won’t regret this. Josh is a great guy, he just moved here from California. He’s a little shy, but seems super nice. I’ve only met him once so I don’t know a lot about him, but I think you’ll love him.” Jenna pulled out her phone, standing as she did so. “I’ll send you his number right now. He needs a place soon, so try to text him as soon as you can.”

“Yeah, sure.” Tyler mumbled, still unsure as to whether or not he would actually go through with this. Getting the number was one thing, but texting it was a different matter. And setting up a meeting to meet this Josh guy in person would be something on a whole new level.

He heard his phone alert go off, and Jenna smiled as she readied to leave. “Give it a shot, okay? Let me know how things work out.”

Tyler grunted in response, absentmindedly picking at the fresh bandages on his arms. He'd have to keep them covered for today, in case he accidentally reopened the cuts and ruined more of his clothes. He'd lost plenty of good shirts to his failures.

Jenna had reached the door by the time Tyler looked back up. Most people would expect him to walk them to the door, but Jenna had been here often enough that this was essentially her second home.

“Take it easy today. And text me if you need anything. Or call me, I'm not picky. Just please let me know if something happens.”

Tyler felt Blurryface stirring, anxious to cause more trouble, so he only nodded in response.

“Alright, I actually have to go to work again, so that's where I'll be. Unlike you, Pete didn't think I deserved the rest of the day off.” Jenna huffed, but Tyler knew they both found the music shop job to be rather enjoyable. He certainly wouldn't want to be working anywhere else.

Understanding that she wouldn't be getting any more talking from Tyler, Jenna finally said her last goodbye and left, leaving him in peaceful quiet once more.

He leaned back into the couch after she’d left, staring blindly at nothing. He didn't move for what felt like hours, lost completely in his thoughts.

He wasn't alone, though. The quiet laughter and chatter of the company in his mind was near constant, especially at times like this, when Tyler let his thoughts wander freely. He always did his best to ignore it, and he was lucky Blurry was still mostly sated from last night’s happenings.

\-----

Tyler didn't know how long he had been sitting on the couch, but he was brought back to life by his ringtone, accompanied by a vibration. The clock on his phone read 1:16; he must’ve been out of it for a while.

He glanced at the notification, but didn't open it yet. He wasn’t ready to be bombarded by questions about what he thought about Josh, if he liked him, if he thought he would be a good match for a roommate, annoying things like that.

**From: Jenna**

**have you texted him yet?**

No, he hadn't. But he would.

A sudden burst of stubborn determination coursed through him. Everyone probably expected him to fail, to ignore this opportunity like he had with all the others before it. Everyone knew his mind would get the best of him, destroying every chance at friendship he had, and making him back out at the last minute.

But not this time, no. He would prove them all wrong. He would text Josh, and he'd get himself a roommate. Whether or not Josh decided to accept the offer, and whether or not he stayed through with it for more than a month or two was out of Tyler’s control, but he could at least try.

He swiped open the glowing screen, ignoring Jenna’s latest text. Tyler’s finger hovered over the number she had sent, unsure of whether or not he was ready.

No, no. He was. He was going to do this. It was just a simple text, it wasn’t hard. If things turned out as a flop, he could delete the number and pretend nothing had ever happened. He could do this. It wouldn’t be that bad. Unless he actually met Josh in person, he would be mostly anonymous.

Tyler copied the number into a new message, chewing on his lip as he considered what to write. It had to be casual, but not too casual, right? But what was he supposed to say?

Did he just introduce himself? Did he mention the housing situation right off the bat? What about small talk? Tyler was terrible at small talk.

He shook his head, muttering to himself. He was overthinking this. It was better to just do, don't think, just do.

Pushing away his doubts and taking a deep breath, Tyler typed out a message and hit send before he could doubt his words or change his mind.

His phone went off a few moments later, and Tyler assumed it was Jenna again, disappointed he’d read but not answered her last text. To his surprise, however, the alert came from a number that was not yet in his contacts.

 **From: Josh???  
** **Hi Tyler! I'm Josh, it's nice to meet you :)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points if you know which music artist daniel is


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know if you like this chapter length, or if you'd like them to be shorter!
> 
> thank you! :)
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/moontyIer) [tumblr](http://www.acxerman.tumblr.com)

Tyler’s mind instantly leapt into overdrive, not having expected Josh to answer so quickly. He'd opened the message too soon, Josh already knew he’d seen it. He’d think he was desperate, or something. You weren't supposed to answer texts that fast right? It was weird.

_He’s going to think you're desperate and weird, Tyler._

Then again, Josh had answered Tyler fairly quickly. So maybe it was okay. 

His phone buzzed once, indicating a new message had arrived while he had the thread open. Tyler started to panic. He knew the read receipt would instantly show up, screaming to Josh that he was waiting with the text thread open.

_What an idiot._

This was no way to start a conversation with someone, oh no. His hands were shaking too violently to hold the phone, and Tyler was embarrassed for himself. Something as simple as incoming text messages shouldn't send him into such a panic. And yet, there he was. Hands shaking, heart racing, and on the verge of tears. He was going to have a freaking panic attack because of text messaging.

_Pathetic._

Tyler let his phone drop to the carpeted floor, putting his head in his hands and counting his breaths until he was calm and collected enough to silence Blurryface and regain control of his thoughts.

It took nearly fifteen minutes before he was able to calmly address the situation, but at last his breathing was normal and his hands were stable. He didn't know Josh, but if he were going to judge Tyler based on how fast or slow he read and answered a text, then he wasn't someone Tyler wanted to hang around. It would be okay. He would be okay.

 _You can do this._ He reminded himself, in his own voice. He could do this. Picking the phone up off the ground, he read the text that had nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack.

 **From: Josh???  
** **I’m definitely interested. I can meet up sometime to talk if you're free. It might be easier that way??**

Oh no, there was no way he could do that. Not until he was sure Josh was someone he wanted to get to know.

Steeling himself and refusing to allow himself to back down, Tyler sent a reply. He didn't let himself think about it, because the more he thought over what he sent, the more he would worry about it. He knew the best way of doing this was to act now, worry later.

 **To: Josh???  
** **um, i was thinking maybe we could talk here a bit first? i havent had a roommate in a while. also, you dont even know who i am. what if im some sort of weirdo who wants to lure you into my home just to kill you?**

Josh replied soon after, apparently unbothered by the amount of time it took between Tyler reading and actually answering the texts. Also apparently unbothered by Tyler’s suggestion that he might be a murderer.

 **From: Josh???  
** **Hm, that's a good point. Why would Mark recommend me as a roommate to murderers though? He seems like a nice guy. He probably doesn't want me dead yet.**

 **From: Josh???  
** **There's probably better ways to assassinate me if he really wanted, also.**

 **From: Josh???  
** **Making someone move in with a stranger isn't exactly the way I'd go if I was planning to assassinate someone. Except I don't think murderers or assassins reveal that they're a murderer or assassin until right before they finish their target.**

Josh triple texted, but Tyler didn't mind. That was the best type of text, in his opinion.

 **To: Josh???  
** **oh, right. i forgot. ): i couldve gotten you so good though**

He was surprised by the flow of the conversation. Ten minutes prior he'd been shaking too hard to hold his phone, and now he was joking about murder with a guy he'd introduced himself to no more than thirty minutes ago. He didn't have a problem talking to him, and replies came easily and naturally.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

**Josh’s POV**

It was weird to be back in Ohio.

Sure, he had grown up here, but it had been so long since he’d been back. He didn't even know why he was back. Los Angeles was nice, and he had plenty of friends there. He supposed Columbus was nice, but he really didn't know anyone here. So why was he alone and without a place to stay in the middle of a state he hardly knew anymore?

Something had compelled him to return. That's why he was back. Some unknown pull towards his old home had caused him to pack up his small apartment and use up most of his money to fly halfway across the country back to Ohio. Upon landing, he realised how stupid he’d been. He didn't know anyone here, except for his parents. But there was no way he could go back to them. He straight up refused.

He had no money, and was currently toying with the idea of seeing how well he could survive on the streets. Unless he found a place to live and a job real soon, he soon wouldn't have enough money to keep paying for the shitty motel he was currently staying in.

But Columbus, it wasn't that bad. The city, no, the state, felt more real. More genuine than California or Los Angeles ever could. Everyone there was fake. Rarely did someone show their true selves, preferring to instead hide behind masks of drugs and alcohol. At least, those who he hung around did. But that's not who Josh wanted to be. He didn't want to be known as a party person, someone who only cared about parties and alcohol. That wasn't who he was. He wanted a purpose, he wanted to have a meaning to his life. The parties were fun, sure, but that wasn't what he wanted his purpose to be.

Josh knew exactly why he moved away from California. It was to rediscover himself, figure out who he was and who he wanted to be. He wanted to reinvent himself, and he figured going back to the only place he had ever truly known himself was the best way to start. He just should've planned better beforehand, because now he was stuck on the side of a building, begging for enough change to get something from the crappy diner just around the corner. He had some money left in his bank account, but that was mostly going towards the shitty motel while he looked for a real place to live. He wasn't willing to spend it on something like food when he knew begging could get the job done, even though it damaged his pride beyond belief.

He really should've thought this out earlier.

People walking by hardly spared a glanced his way, but a few kind souls had dropped a few coins, or dollars if he was lucky, into the hat he had set at his feet. Josh counted the money up, relieved to see he finally had enough. He slung his bag onto his shoulder and hurried over to the diner. He was starving.

The waitress at the bar gave him a smile that was way too cheery as he climbed onto one of the stools. He had found that sitting alone at the bar was much preferable to sitting alone in a booth, or at a table.

“Howdy! What can I get for you to drink today?” The waitress asked, sliding him a menu. “Just a coffee, please.” His voice was quiet, and the waitress didn't hear him. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Oh, sure thing!” She piped, making Josh wince. The false cheeriness was killing him. He looked over the menu, glancing up when someone took the stool directly beside him. The entire bar of stools was open, did they really have to sit right next to him?

“Hey.” The stranger greeted, waving down the waitress like it was perfectly normal to just strike up conversation with the first person you sit down by.

Okay, maybe it was fairly normal. But not to Josh. “Um, hi.” He muttered back, nodding at the waitress as she set down his coffee and handed a menu to the new guy.

“I'm Mark, nice to meet you.” He held out his hand towards Josh, who just stared at it. Not in a rude way, but just out of shock. Who greeted people like that anymore?

“Josh.” Josh managed to recover and shake Mark’s hand before his face had fallen too much.

“You from around here?” Small talk, great. Josh shook his head at first, and then changed it to a nod. Mark looked confused.

“So.. You are?”

Josh shrugged and stirred creamer into his coffee. “I dunno.”

Mark laughed. “How do you not know?”

He shrugged again. “I used to live here, now I don't.”

“Oh, that's nice! Are you visiting?”

Josh shook his head, and Mark looked confused once again. “So, not visiting?”

“I guess. I don't know.”

“Wow, you sure don't know a lot.” Mark chuckled and looked down at the menu. Josh did the same, staring blindly at the laminated paper in front of him. He wasn't doing very good at this small talk thing. His heart was racing, and he concentrated harder on his coffee, staying quiet, hoping Mark would get the hint. He didn't, of course. Josh’s hands felt clammy.

“So, where are you staying?”

Josh took a sip of his coffee before answering, just to make sure his voice would work. “Just a motel.”

Mark’s expression got excited at that, and Josh got an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He didn't like this, not one bit.

“Are you looking for a more permanent place to stay? Maybe an apartment, or a house? What about a roommate?” He turned all the way around on his seat, so that he was facing Josh directly.

“I guess. I haven't planned that far yet. I'm still trying to get a job. I can't afford a place to live yet.” Why was he answering this guy?

“Sure you can! If you know the right people, that is. I think I can help you out.” Josh’s stomach felt a little sick. He didn't even know who this guy was. What if he hooked him up in some drug house or something?

“I've been looking around a little so it's not a big deal, really. I'm doing okay, I think I can manage it myself.” Really, he could. Probably. Right now, he just wanted to leave.

Mark made a face that could only be described as a pout. “I have a friend who needs a roommate. He's real nice, and the rent’s decent. I can hook you up?” He looked hopeful again.

“T-that's real nice, but I think I can do it on my own.” Why wouldn't he take a hint? Josh didn't want help in finding somewhere to live. At least that's what he wanted Mark to think. If he was being honest, he had no idea what he was doing and needed all the help he could get.

His face fell once more. “Oh. Well, could I at least give you my number? Just in case you need help? Or something?” He was a lot more hesitant now.

Josh hesitated, but nodded, much to Mark’s relief. “Uh, sure. I'll um. Put my number in? And you can text me. I guess.”

Mark nodded happily, opening a new contact page and handing it to Josh. He typed everything in with shaking hands and handed it back to Mark. “Perfect. I'll send you a text, and you can let me know if you change your mind about that whole roommate thing.”

Josh nodded, still unwilling to admit he needed help from a stranger. Begging for money was one thing-- none of those people would see him again. And if they did, it was unlikely they'd even remember who he was. Admitting defeat to someone who he could very well run into again was not something Josh planned to do.

Mark was apparently satisfied with having Josh’s number, so they both turned back to their menus in silence and ordered. It wasn't until their food had arrived and the silence had become a weird sort of unbearable that Josh decided he needed to break it, despite every one of his instincts yelling at him to not. Mark was thrilled, and happily chatted with Josh for the rest of the meal, even going so far as to offer paying for Josh (which he declined).

Josh now had one friend in Ohio.

\-----

Josh ended up living on the couch in Mark’s apartment. When Mark found out that Josh had been struggling to keep paying for the motel he had been staying in, he offered up his place immediately. Josh insisted he could pay for it if he broke into the money he had been saving for a real place, but Mark would have none of it. While it hurt his pride a bit, it certainly was better than living on the streets. Or staying in that grungy hotel. Sure, it had given him a bed and a shower, but it had kind of sucked. The sheets smelled weird, the water was slightly too cloudy for Josh’s liking, and he found five too many cockroaches in the short time he had stayed there.

Mark was still waiting for his friend to answer about the whole roommate thing. Apparently he was a bit of a recluse, and wasn’t the easiest person to talk to. Mark assured him that the guy was plenty nice, you just had to get to know him first. Josh was a bit skeptical at first, because having a moody reclusive roommate didn’t seem like the most pleasant thing, but Mark was so insistent that Josh knew he had to at least give it a chance.

Besides, it could be his only option. While waiting for Mark’s friend to contact him about moving in, Josh had gone out and gotten a job as a waiter at a nearby restaurant. It wasn’t anything major, but it was enough for him to start getting some money back into his bank account. He’d also been looking for apartments for rent, of course, but had come across nothing good. Everything was either too expensive, too far from where he wanted to be, or was just a plain bad place to live. One apartment he had visited was basically falling apart, and didn’t seem to be much better than that motel had been.

Yeah, Mark’s friend was almost definitely Josh’s only hope at this point.

\----- 

It was another week before Josh got the first text. He was texting a few friends from back in California when a notification from an unknown number popped up. Noting the Ohio area code, Josh held his breath, not wanting to get his hopes up about who it could be. He’d gotten too many texts recently, only to be disappointed when none of them were from Mark’s mysterious friend.

 **From: Unknown  
** **hi, i hope this is josh. my name’s tyler. i need a roommate and heard you might be interested. let me know?**

Shaking with relief that came with the idea of finally having a real place to live, Josh tapped out an answer, only to quickly delete it and try again. He couldn't mess this up. Way too much depended on his first impression here.

“No, no.” He muttered to himself, deleting another line of text. Nothing sounded right. It was all too forced, too friendly. He settled on a simple introduction, sending it before he could second guess himself again.

Josh waited anxiously. He wasn't very good at introducing himself in this way. He felt his words were simultaneously too weak and too strong, not enough but also too much. He felt obtuse, like he was occupying too much space. He never said things right, and felt his contributions to conversation always fell flat.

Tyler had read the message, but not yet responded. Josh read over what little interaction they had so far, realising with a rock in his stomach that he'd forgotten to address Tyler's offer.

Crap.

He’d have to send another message. But make it sound normal, intentional. Yeah, he totally meant to send two texts in a row. Josh typed quickly, because the longer he waited, the less normal a second text became.

The second message went from delivered to read almost immediately, meaning this Tyler guy had the texts open, ready to reply. That made Josh nervous. His heart was pounding in his chest, anxiety building. He stared at his screen, waiting for the texting bubble to appear. He waited a full minute, two minutes, six minutes. It never did. He'd messed up. Josh started replaying everything in his head, trying to figure out what he had done wrong.

He had replied too fast, for one. Tyler had probably been freaked out by that. And then on top of that, he'd double texted. Crap, crap crap crap. Tyler probably thought he was some weird, desperate dude. He was definitely messing this up, and bad.

Josh locked his phone and threw it to the side, threading his fingers nervously into his hair. He couldn't breathe, his collar was too tight. He'd messed up what was likely his only good shot at getting somewhere to stay anytime soon, and it was all because of his inability to text someone like a normal human. He looked at the clock, counting the minutes since Tyler had read, but not responded to, his message. Only seven minutes had passed, but it felt like an eternity to him.

His breathing became erratic, gasping breaths that yielded no oxygen. He was suffocating, choking on the fact that this Tyler guy, his only hope, would probably never text him back, and Josh could do nothing about it because texting him again would only weird him out even more. Josh fought for air, grateful that Mark wasn't home to see him like this. He didn't know him all that well, and Josh wouldn't be able to survive Mark walking in on his anxiety attack.

He checked the time again. Eleven minutes had passed. Tyler still hasn't answered. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down, creating excuses. Maybe he was busy, maybe  he just forgot to hit send. Maybe he was interrupted, or maybe he really was just weirded out by Josh already.

Or, maybe, he was also freaking out, anxious and feeling sick over a text message.

Josh nearly laughed out loud at that thought. There was no way. No one freaked out over something this small like he did, it was ridiculous. He knew anxiety was a thing, but he also knew how unlikely it was that someone could be as nervous as he over something so unimportant. He looked at the clock. Thirteen minutes.

He'd calmed down a bit, though barely. He could breathe now. The anxious feeling had settled in his gut like a boulder, but there was nothing he could do about it. He checked his phone, making sure he hadn't missed anything during his little episode.

Nope, still nothing. He locked the phone and set it aside again, opting to stare at the clock to wait. Not even thirty seconds after, however, his phone buzzed. Josh scrambled to unlock the screen, recognising the now not so unknown number on the notification. He didn't scare him off, he'd been worried for nothing. Relief washed over him, making his head spin with the light feeling it brought. Tyler didn't hate him. He still had a chance, here.

Tyler’s joking attitude relaxed Josh further, and he was able to settle into the conversation fairly easily after that. He still felt his words were too large, too annoying, but it wasn't anything new for him. He could handle this. He could make this work.

Maybe this would work.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays if youre reading this around that time of year! its only two days til christmas and im??? thats wild. 
> 
> theres more hints as to who daniel is in this chapter so try to guess! he's not a super popular artist, but he deserves so much more attention. 
> 
> as always, please leave a comment about what you think or things you'd like to see, thanks !

Tyler returned to work the next day, making sure his arms were covered safely with clean bandages and his most comfortable hoodie. It was one thing for friends to see the bandages, but it was completely different when it came to customers.

Tyler was awake, dressed, and ready to go on time and without incident. He was rather proud of himself, if he was honest. After the mess that had been last night, he expected at least some sort of bump in the road. But no, he felt, dare he say it, good today. It felt nice.

As much as he loved his job, work was boring. A few customers had come in in search of a specific album, which Tyler had helped them find with a tired smile, but apart from that, it was fairly empty today. Jenna wasn't in, so it was just Tyler at the counter and Pete doing some sort of work in the back. He was relaxing on a chair behind the counter, flipping through an old magazine and humming along to the radio when the bell on the door announced the arrival of another customer. Tyler glanced up and gave the mandatory smile, along with a greeting of “Hi, is there anything I can help you with today?”

The man just shook his head without saying a word, eyes downcast. Tyler found himself oddly drawn to him. Despite his appearance, with blue curls, gauges, torn jeans, and a bright sleeve disappearing under the black fabric of his shirt, he was oddly… shy. He carried himself in a way that suggested he wasn't quite the punk rock rebel his looks made him out to be. He looked gentle, Tyler decided. He liked that. The customers were always interesting for him to try and decode, and this was by far the most exciting customer of the day.

“Alright, just let me know if you need anything.” Tyler said as the blue haired man made his way slowly past the records and albums up front, heading towards the instruments at the back of the store. Tyler watched him, interested to see where he would go. Not surprisingly, he walked up to a set of drums, running his hand lightly along the tops of the instrument. Tyler set down his magazine quietly, watching as the blue haired man further inspected the set with hesitant hands.

“You're allowed to play them, you know.” Tyler suggested, having moved to stand closer to the customer. He jumped at Tyler’s words, jerking his hand back and turning around with wide eyes.

“Are you sure? It's kind of a loud instrument...” He trailed off, but Tyler could see his eyes had lit up at his suggestion.

“Yeah, I'm sure. It's not like there's many other customers here to disrupt.” He shrugged. “It's cool with my manager so it's cool with me.”

“Thanks, man.” The man smiled widely, perfectly white and straight teeth paired with crinkling brown eyes.

“Uh, yeah. No problem. Let me know if you have any questions, I'll just be over there.” He pointed to the counter before leaving the blue haired man with the perfect smile alone at the drum kit. He looked hesitant, at first. He sat down nervously at the stool, twisting the drumsticks in his fingers. Tyler watched from his place behind the counter, not sure what was to come. The customer took a deep breath and stared at the instrument for a bit, like he was preparing himself. He closed his eyes briefly, holding his hands at the ready, and finally, he started.

It was cautious at first, just a soft rhythm being tapped out with care, the player aware that people were listening. But slowly, slowly, it grew. The hits grew harder, the drums grew louder, and the noise grew angrier. Tyler was convinced he was going to break a drum, or something. He hoped not, because that was Pete’s old kit, put on display for curious customers like the blue haired man to try and figure out if drums were the right instrument for them. He kept all the fancy new kits in a separate room, insisting that it was better that way. It didn't make a whole lot of sense to Tyler, but hey, he wasn't the boss.

Pete came out of the back room, obviously intrigued by all the noise, and stopped to stand by Tyler, arms crossed, when he saw what was going on.

The drummer had his eyes closed, and yet his hands were flying across his instrument. You could see, no, you could _feel_ the emotion he was putting into the music. There was anger, sadness, confusion, and joy, all wrapped into one. Tyler didn't know it was possible to express that much through just the simple beats of a drum. He felt like he was experiencing something personal, and looked down awkwardly at his hands, not wanting to further invade on the impromptu performance being put on before him. When he told the man he could play, he expected a few experimental taps, maybe a basic rhythm.

Not this… this expression, this story. Because the music definitely was telling a story. What it was, though, Tyler didn't know. He wanted to know. He was intrigued, feeling his own emotions rise and ebb as the music did. He wanted to know what had inspired the man to play like this, wanted to know what had happened that caused such a range of emotions to manifest in his playing.

He was a little disappointed when the drumming stopped, filling the shop with just the quiet radio in the background once more. It was an odd sort of silence, solemn, almost. Solemn silence after the brutal expression of emotion that had been happening moments earlier.

Pete was the one to break the silence, perhaps just a few moments too soon. It was kind of nice, the silence. It created a sense of unity between the three of them; the type of bond that only formed between performer and audience. Tyler wanted to live in that moment for a while longer.

“That wasn't bad, kid.” The drummer, who had his eyes still closed, snapped his head up when Pete spoke, eyes now open and alarmed. He had apparently forgotten there were others in the room with him.

“Um, thanks.” He paused to put the drumsticks back in their place. “Sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud.”

Pete smiled warmly. “Don't be sorry! That was amazing. You've got real talent. You got a kit at home?”

He shook his head, “No, I-I don’t really have room for one right now.” Tyler noticed his face tinged pink when he said that.

“Oh, that's a shame. You're always welcome to play here if you'd like. As long as you don't break the kit, the displays are open for anyone to try out. We also have new kits for sale, if you're ever interested in that. Those stay out of reach of the public until special request, however.” Pete smiled again, excited someone was making use of his old drums. “Just let me know, or tell whoever’s working that you talked to Pete.” He pointed at himself, making sure the customer knew that yes, he was Pete.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” The man laughed nervously, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I should probably get going, things to do and stuff. Uh, thanks for letting me play.” He smiled at Pete, then at Tyler, eyes hesitating ever so slightly on him.

“Anytime!” Pete was still thrilled.

The customers smile dropped and the crinkled eyes disappeared as he turned to leave.

Tyler wanted him to stay. He hoped he came back to play again.

\-----

It became a regular thing. For the next few days, the blue haired customer would come in, play his heart out on the drums for a bit, and then leave. They hardly talked after the first day, and Tyler regretted not introducing himself sooner or asking the guy’s name. He supposed he'd find out when it was time. It just didn't feel right to ask after he poured his soul into the drums.

Meanwhile, Jenna was non-stop bothering Tyler about Josh. She hadn’t shared a shift with him recently, but that didn't mean she couldn't text him all hours of the day about whether or not Josh was going to be his roommate.

Tyler had told Josh he’d talk to his landlord, and get back to him later. That had been a few days ago, however. Tyler hadn't even bothered to text Daniel yet. He was still nervous to have a roommate, even though Josh definitely seemed okay enough. Tyler just… wasn’t ready. He was nervous to have someone living with him, especially someone like Josh. Blurryface didn't like the idea, either. He had been whispering more and more the past couple of days, telling Tyler it was a bad idea, he should turn back, lie to Josh and say Daniel said no, tell Jenna that Josh wasn't interested, just lie, lie, lie…

But Tyler wasn't going to do that. He knew he was only delaying the inevitable. He had to do this, and he had to do it soon. He picked up his phone, sending a quick message to Daniel. He responded almost immediately, full of exclamation points and smiley faces.

**From: Daniel** **★彡  
****does this mean ull get a dog!!!!**

**To: Daniel** **★彡  
****no, still no dog. just a roommate**

**From: Daniel** **★彡  
****o ok )))): pls tell me when you get a dog!!!**

**To: Daniel** **★彡  
****daniel, im not getting a dog. its just a roommate**

**From: Daniel** **★彡  
****okkkk. when r u good to meet???? :))**

**To: Daniel** **★彡  
****as soon as you can. i need him to move in soon**

**From: Daniel ★彡  
** **he can move in b4 we meet!!! then i can talk to him too!!**

**From: Daniel ★彡  
** **maybe he’ll want to get a dog :^)))**

**To: Daniel ★彡** **  
** **no ones getting a dog, daniel**

**From: Daniel ★彡  
** **)):: ok**

**From: Daniel ★彡  
** **when can he move in???**

**To: Daniel ★彡** **  
** **i don’t know. soon?**

**From: Daniel ★彡** **  
** **ok!! Let me kno ::)))**

**To: Daniel ★彡  
** **sure**

Great. He’d been hoping to avoid having to do all the lease talk without Josh, as illogical as it was. Daniel was bound to bring something up that would key Josh in to more than he needed to know about Tyler.

He supposed it was only fair, though, for Josh to be involved in the process. He’d need to meet with Daniel eventually, and it was better to do it with Tyler present, where he could monitor and be sure nothing Josh didn’t need to know was brought up.

With a sigh, Tyler opened a new text to Josh. He should probably meet the guy before he had him move in, right?

\-----

A few hours later, Tyler had a date set to meet with Josh at a local coffee shop tomorrow morning. It was a safe enough place to meet, private, but still public enough that it wouldn’t be awkward. If there was a lull in the conversation, they could just sip on their respective drinks and people watch. That eased a bit of Tyler’s anxiety, knowing that he would have an easy out if something went terribly wrong. 

Not that he expected it to, of course not. But you never knew what would happen. Blurryface was constantly prepared for something to go wrong, and he was set on making Tyler believe the same. Since he had set up the meeting, he was whispering doubts into Tyler’s ear, convincing him that there was always the chance he would mess something up.

Tyler fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket, glancing at the clock. He had the closing shift today, which he wasn’t necessarily looking forward to. Closing meant staying there into the night, and Tyler definitely wasn’t a huge fan of the night. He clung to the hope that the drumming strange would be there, but he doubted it. He usually came in the morning or afternoon, but it was past those hours now.

He still hoped, though.

\-----

Tyler slammed the door of his car, realising too late that he had forgotten his name tag once again. Pete would rip him a new one if he found out. He’d somehow managed to forget it nearly every day of his shift in the last week. Pete insisted he wear a makeshift nametag on a white sticker, so that people would know he worked there, but Tyler found it to be ridiculous looking and usually took it off whenever Pete wasn’t looking at him.

Luckily for Tyler, Pete wasn’t there tonight.

Someone was definitely there, though.

The familiar sound of someone playing their heart out on the drums could be heard even through the thick glass off the front door as he approached. He didn’t know why, but the sound made his heart feel a little lighter, and made Blurry cease his taunting for a moment. He felt safe, almost, as he walked in and stashed his bag in the locker room that, if he was being honest, was really more of a closet.

He settled behind the checkout counter, scanning to see if anyone had left him a to-do list. The surface was cleared of all obnoxious sticky notes, much to Tyler’s relief. It would be a normal closing night, he hoped. Before Tyler had a chance to fully relax into the sound of angry drums, they stopped. He frowned slightly, opening eyes he hadn’t realise had closed. Why had it stopped?  
  
He looked over in the direction of the drum set. Oh. 

The drummer was putting the drumsticks back in their holder, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. Tyler’s shift had started fifteen minutes too late.

Patrick came out of the back room at that moment, smiling widely when he saw Tyler behind the counter. He spared him a half smile in return, before settling back into his frown. If Pete wasn’t there, Patrick for sure would be. More often than not, however, they were together. There was definitely something going on there, but Tyler didn’t mind enough to go snooping into their private lives.

Tyler watched the blue haired customer browse around the shop, like he did most times after his drumming session had ended. Patrick sat on the stool beside him; at least he wouldn’t be closing alone tonight.

Much to Tyler’s surprise, the customer approached the counter, clutching a new pair of drumsticks in his hand and fumbling for his wallet with the other. He looked nervously between the two workers, and Patrick smiled in the way that only Patrick can. “Tyler can help you!”  
  
Something flashed in the customer’s eyes, something Tyler couldn’t quite identify. He forced a smile onto his face and ignored Blurry’s naggings. “Is this all for you today?” He asked as he rung up the sticks.

“Uh, yeah. I figured I should use my own sticks if I'm going to use your drums. I broke my last pair.” His face flamed red as he spoke, though Tyler wasn't sure why. It was cute, dare he say.

“I’m not surprised, you really beat the crap out of them.” The customer nodded shyly, and Tyler finished ringing up the drumsticks and printed out a receipt, handing the sticks back to him with another smile. “Have a nice day, I'll see you later?”

The blue haired drummer gave a small smile in return, mumbling something like “Yeah, you too” as he turned to leave.

Tyler watched him go, a frown tugging on the corners of his mouth. Something was weird, but he couldn't quite tell what. He’d seen the name on the card when he had swiped it through the card reader, but he wasn’t sure why that gave him such a weird feeling. The alarmed look on Josh’s face when he heard Tyler’s name made him think that maybe he already knew this guy.

There was no way it was his potential roommate Josh, though. No way. That Josh was confident and funny, definitely not the same as the quiet reserved guy that plays drums and blushed at the slightest comment or compliment.

He probably reminded Tyler of someone else he knew, and it was coincidence that his name just happened to be Joshua. The two Josh’s were completely different, so evidently Tyler was just letting his imagination run a little too wild once again.

Regardless, he couldn't help but want to get to know the mysterious drummer Josh a little better.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im only 19 so please forgive me if things with the landlord are funky. ive never lived anywhere but home and a college dorm so im not completely sure on all the rules of that stuff òvó
> 
> small self harm tw at the end

Tyler woke up bright and nearly the next day, with plenty of time to spare before his meeting with Josh. It wasn't so much excitement as it was the fear of going back to sleep that kept him from snuggling back into the covers when he realised the clock read somewhere around seven am. 

He didn't need to be at the coffee shop until nine, so he swung his legs off the edge of the bed, taking a moment to ground himself in reality. Blurry’s chorus of minions was chattering away, and it always took Tyler a few minutes after waking up to adjust back to the real world. His dreams were often so intense that it was difficult to separate them from reality. 

Once his mind was mostly cleared, he headed across the hall to the bathroom. After a quick shower, Tyler found himself sitting at his piano. He plunked out a rhythm on the keys, a short medley that had been in his head a lot lately. He had a tendency to favour the black keys, and this tune was no different. 

By eight, Tyler still hadn't accomplished much other than showering and playing piano. He was anxious to leave, but still had another forty minutes before it would be acceptable to do so. 

He found his thoughts drifting to what could happen during the first meeting with Josh. They’d texted often enough, but text didn’t always translate well to real life. Getting along with someone through the phone didn’t always mean you’d get along with them in the real world. So much could go wrong, the possibilities were endless. Tyler could end up making a complete fool of himself, and Josh would decide he’d rather not live with a freak, or Josh could end up being a total weirdo himself, or he could change his mind completely and back out of the deal entirely, or-  His thoughts were interrupted by laughter. 

_ You worry too much, you know that? _ **  
****  
** Tyler ground his teeth together, annoyed that his unwelcome guest had to choose now to give his input. 

“Shut up,” he muttered, fingers automatically ghosting over his still healing arm. 

_ Hm, I’d rather not, actually. Put your hands down, I’m not going to hurt you.  _ Tyler wasn’t sure if he believed that, but put his hands obediently in his lap. 

_ Who knows, it might be fun to have some new meat around here. I bet we could freak him out real good, don’t you think? How long do you think he’ll last with you? A week? A month? Less than that, I’d bet.  _

Tyler squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head violently in an attempt to dislodge Blurrryface. 

_ No no, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’m just here to hm, encourage you. Yes, that’s the word. I’m here to encourage you to go out and get this Josh guy to live with you. The sooner he moves in, the sooner we can have some fun, right?  _ He cackled, making Tyler wince.

Tyler opened his mouth to respond, but Blurry was gone. He listened carefully, thinking that he was just playing a trick on him, but when minutes passed with nothing but silence, he knew he must have gone back into hiding. 

A glance at the clock: 8:21 am. Halfway there.  Tyler’s thoughts circled back to what Blurry had said, and he felt fear rise in his chest. He would hold well on his promise, whoever moved in with Tyler would be out and gone within a month. Josh would be no different, regardless of what Tyler had dared to hope. He would be gone in no time, weirded out by Tyler’s unusual habits and frequent mental breaks. 

He didn’t know what Blurry had in mind, but he knew whatever it was, it was bound to be  something special. He’d had plenty of time to plan something spectacular, as it had been so long since he’d been in a position that allowed him to terrorise others using Tyler as his host. His  heart sank. Some part of him had been hoping that the meeting would go well, that Josh would say yes, and that Tyler would be able to live happily with a roommate, though he hadn’t realised it. Now that his subconscious daydream was in danger, he couldn’t help but feel upset. 

He might as well just give up on the dream, right? Just skip the meeting, spew some excuse to Josh about why everything had to be cancelled, lie to Daniel, lie to Jenna, lie to Josh, lie-  No. He wouldn’t let himself think like that again. This is exactly what he wanted to do in the beginning, and he’d come so far since then. He wasn’t going to lie to anyone. He was going to go meet Josh, and he was going to make this work. 

Before he was aware of what he was doing, Tyler was unlocking his car and climbing into the driver’s seat. He drove on autopilot to the coffee shop, body doing the exact opposite of what his mind was telling him to do. His conscious mind was yelling, screaming at him to turn back, to go back home, to abandon the entire thing and just lock himself in his room and punish himself for ignoring the voices. It was a war of body and mind, and body was winning over. 

Not too much later, he was parked, legs propelling him towards the entrance to the place that would surely bring about his doom. He sat down, fighting against every urge he had to get up and run right back out.  Resting his head in his hands, he let himself breathe, arguing with himself that this was a good thing, it was good to stay, this was going to help him. He kept up a stream of consciousness to himself, hoping that his body wouldn’t betray him and switch sides, deciding that it would actually be better to be home and away from this entire mess he had created out of nothing.  After a while, his breathing calmed, his thoughts quieted, and Tyler looked up and took in his surroundings.

The cozy shop was humming with quiet life, gentle muttering from the businessmen typing on laptops in a corner, clinking of cups and whirring of machines behind the counter, and some sort of indie music playing over the radio. It sounded happy and alive in the most peaceful way. The assortment of mismatched chairs and tables sat mostly unoccupied under the warm glow of fairy lights, waiting for someone to have a seat and relax. 

Tyler stood slowly and approached the counter. He inspected the colourful handwritten board above him, though he already knew what he was going to get. He wasn’t much wasn’t much of a coffee person, and usually ordered a chai or hot chocolate. 

Today would be no different, of course, and he was soon seated at a small table with a steaming mug of hot chocolate in one hand, and a chocolate croissant in the other. He sipped on his hot chocolate and looked at the clock. Five minutes until nine, and no one that could have been Josh had walked in yet. Tyler had no idea what Josh looked like, but he definitely wasn’t one of the middle aged men sitting around and talking business. 

Logically, he knew Josh still had time to get here, and there was no reason to worry. In reality, with every minute that ticked closer to 9:00, Tyler's anxiety only grew. Josh wasn't going to come, he decided he actually didn't want this, he already thought Tyler was weird, or he forgot because he didn't care, or he-

Tyler was too busy worrying to look up when the door chimed softly, announcing the presence of another customer. He checked his phone; 9:01. No messages from Josh. He wasn't coming. Tyler knew he wasn't coming. He could feel it. Josh would never show up, and the entire morning would have been a waste. 

A steaming cup was set gently onto the table across from him, and Tyler jerked his head up in alarm, pulled out of the delusions of his thoughts. His eyes were met by soft brown, with certain kind of gentleness that one doesn't often see in a person. Tyler's eyes widened ever so slightly as he took in the mess of blue hair on top the person’s head, mind whirling as it tried to catch up to this turn of events. 

“Uh, hi. You're Tyler, I'm guessing? I mean, I-I know you're Tyler, but, uh, I guess you're the Tyler I'm supposed to be meeting?” Josh tried to smile, but he looked more nervous than anything. 

Tyler still hadn't caught up to what was happening. Josh, the same Josh from the music store, with the mad drumming skills and bright hair, was standing in front of him. Josh, the drummer, is the same Josh that he had been texting, the Josh he was supposed to meet for coffee. The same Josh that would probably become his roommate. 

Josh’s smile faded into a look of confusion as Tyler continued to stare at him, and he picked up his cup. “Uh, I'm sorry. I think I got the wrong Tyler, my bad!” 

Tyler’s brain finally jumped into action. “No! No, that's me. Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you? Like, the person I'm supposed to live with is the same person that's been showing up at my job for the last week. Crazy, isn't it?” Tyler forced himself to smile and stand up awkwardly to extend his hand to Josh.

He set his drink back down with a look of relief, and shook Tyler's hand. “Oh, good. I definitely thought I had the wrong person.” He laughed shakily, and they both sat down.  Tyler took a drink of his hot chocolate, just to quiet the anxiety building in his mind.  “So, I guess I'll formally introduce myself. My names Tyler Joseph, I work at a music store and I really love Taco Bell. I'm also looking for a roommate.” 

Josh smiled, corners of his eyes crinkling. “Hi, Tyler. My name’s Josh Dun, I play drums at your music store, and I'd argue that Chipotle is pretty good too. Conveniently, I happen to be looking for a roommate as well.” 

“Hm, not bad. Nice to meet you, Josh. Properly, I mean. Selling you some drumsticks doesn't really count as much of an introduction.” Josh nodded and took a sip from his drink. 

“I uh, don't know how these things work. You haven't seen the house yet but I guess we can talk over some things? Rent, roommate agreement, some things about the landlord you should know… things like that?” 

Josh shrugged. “Sure, yeah. I'm not too picky, anything is better than living on someone's couch at this point.”

Tyler nodded. “Right, you're staying with Mark right now aren't you? How's that going?” 

“Well it's better than the streets, really. But I'll be glad to get out of his hair, he's been too nice.” 

“Yeah, Mark tends to be like that. Really friendly, ya know? We’ve been friends for ages, so I figured he wouldn't be recommending I live with some weirdo.” 

They fell into easy conversation, and sat talking in the small shop for much longer than was strictly necessary. Josh was comfortable, and even though Tyler could feel Blurry’s excitement at the realisation that this was actually happening, he wasn't as scared as he normally would be. Josh made him feel at ease, and he had no problem talking to him.  

Something like this was unusual for Tyler. He wasn't used to being so immediately comfortable with someone, and hoped that the feeling of ease would last.  Nearly two hours had passed by the time Tyler suggested it might be time for them to leave. Josh had faintly blushed when Tyler offered to drive him back to Mark’s, but accepted regardless. 

When Tyler got home, he was in unusually high spirits. He’d learned so much about Josh at their meeting, like how he really wanted to dye his hair red sometime, and that he’d been playing drums for years and years, and had even been in a band when he lived in California. He even found out that Josh had lived not too far from Tyler when he was growing up, but had moved to LA not long after high school, wanting to experience something new and exciting. It turned out California  hadn't been for him, though. 

So, he moved back to Ohio, looking for something, though he didn’t know what. Tyler found that thought intriguing, and was determined to help Josh find whatever it was he was looking for. He was looking for a purpose, and Tyler wanted to help.

Tyler had always had a certain fascination with purpose. The concept of creating a purpose for yourself was an important part of his life, even though he often struggled with it. Creating purpose wasn’t the easiest thing to do, especially with a hundred voices making you doubt everything you know, but Tyler believed it was attainable nonetheless. He hadn’t yet found his purpose, but he now hoped that maybe he and Josh could go on that journey together. 

Together, he hoped they could find purpose. Both for Tyler himself, and for the bright haired boy that would be moving in in less than two weeks. 

\-----

The next few days were a flurry of work, cleaning, paperwork, and meetings with Daniel to get everything settled with Josh moving in. Daniel, of course, was very insistent that Josh should get a dog, but Josh claimed to be more of a cat person and declined. However, he hadn't realised his mistake in admitting that he wouldn't be opposed to a cat. Tyler had had to nearly shove Daniel out the door to get him to stop asking about when they would get pets. 

Man, he was annoying. Well meaning, but slightly annoying in his insistence that they needed a pet to brighten up the house. 

Regardless, everything was settled and finalised within the week. Thank goodness for cooperative and friendly landlords who likely bent the rules more often than was appropriate for what was supposed to be a fairly professional relationship.

Josh would be moving in on September 28; four days. Tyler had quite the task made out for him with cleaning the entire house, making sure there was a normal amount of food in the cupboards, and getting one of the spare rooms ready for Josh. He had been using it for storage, so it was filled with dust and various boxes of crap that hadn't seen the light of day in months. 

He dedicated an entire day to clearing out the room and cleaning it top to bottom. He didn't know how much stuff Josh had, but he figured it wasn't much, so he neatly made the bed with fresh sheets and stocked the closet with a few towels. He cleaned the bathroom thoroughly, being sure to double check in case he had left any broken razors lying forgotten in the back of the under sink cabinets. 

Soon enough, the house was clean, the room was ready, and it was nearly time for Josh to move in. Tyler had not talked to him much in the last week, apart from talking with Daniel, so he was nervous about how things would go with him moving in. He hoped it would be okay, but he couldn't help but worry about what Blurry would do when he got himself a new playmate. 

The fear of what could happen, of the unknown, had been slowly building in the last few days. It was beginning to bubble over in the form of stress and anxiety, the voices in his head growing louder and more demanding than before. Blurry was oddly absent, which scared him the most. 

_ You'll be too much for him to handle. _

_ He's going to think you're a freak.  _

_ He'll tell his friends how weird you are, with the voices in your head.  _

_ He's going to hear you scream at night, scream at us to be quiet. He’ll be scared of you.  _

_ You're not going to be enough for him.  _

Tyler tried everything to quiet them, to make their ceaseless whispers stop. Their growing laughter and anticipation scared him, and he did the only thing he knew.  
  
The night before Josh was to move in, the night before Tyler was to start a new period of his life, he dug a blade into his skin, and crawled, exhausted, into bed. The voices were quieted, for now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if you know what song the title of this fic is from!! also im sorry this chapter is so short )): it just didnt feel right to push it to be any longer

Move in day went much better than Tyler had expected. The fresh wounds on his arms stretched and hurt, and he feared they would split open, but he was able to help move in what little Josh owned without a problem. He was completely settled, with room decorated and clothes hung neatly in the closet, within just a few hours. Tyler supposed that was a perk of having almost no possessions; moving was a breeze.

Jenna and Mark had shown up to help out, though that help consisted mostly of fighting over what music to play and providing food. They claimed they were there for Josh’s moving party, despite both Tyler and Josh insisting that no such thing was necessary. Really, Tyler was convinced that they were there just to be annoying.

“So, Josh, it’s a nice place isn’t it?” Mark asked, taking another bite of his pizza. “I told you it was nice, didn’t I.” He looked rather proud of himself, and Josh just rolled his eyes at him. “I never doubted you, I didn’t think you’d be setting me up with some sort of crack house or something.” 

“Hey, you never know! I could totally do something like that, if I wanted you out of my hair.” Mark looked like a rejected puppy, mock-pouting at Josh, who just nodded. 

“Oh, yes, big scary Mark. He would totally do something like that. Gosh, can’t believe I managed to escape this one alive!” He laughed, and Tyler’s stomach did a little flip at the sound. 

They sat around talking and joking until it was way past dark, and Jenna claimed she needed to get back, because she had the opening shift the next day. Tyler was nervous for them to leave. He wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to do once he and Josh were alone in the house. 

He could go to his room, but wouldn’t that be a bit rude to just immediately leave once everyone else had? Sitting in the living room in silence didn’t seem like a much better option. Maybe Josh wanted to be alone, so Tyler should just go to his room for the night. Or maybe they could watch TV, or something? He had no idea what to do. 

As Jenna was standing to leave, Tyler followed her to the door. Mark was still talking to Josh, animatedly telling him what was likely an embarrassing story about Tyler. Jenna must have sensed something was wrong, because she turned to look at him. “Don’t be such a worry wart. It’ll be fine. You two get along great, it’ll work out really well.”

“Yeah, but what do I do? Talking to him in public is one thing, but here, alone in the house? What am I supposed to do? Just sit down and start asking him twenty questions? I haven’t ever had a roommate like this before! Chris and Nick moved in at the same time as me, we didn’t have to go through this!”    


“Yeah, actually that’s a good idea. Sit down with him and ask him twenty questions. No, make that twenty one. Go above and beyond. You’ll do just fine. Soon you’ll be as comfortable with him as you were with Nick and Chris, trust me.” Jenna zipped up her boots, way too confident in Tyler’s ability to interact with others in his home territory. 

“This is different!” 

Jenna stood up and looked him in the eye. “Give me one way how this is different.”   


Tyler sputtered, trying to come up with something. He gave up quickly. “I-I don’t know. It just is, okay?” 

“Right, whatever you say. Put on your big boy pants and just try talking him. I think it’ll go better than you’d expect.” She opened her arms, and Tyler hugged her begrudgingly. “Sure, whatever you say.” 

Ignoring his remark, Jenna picked up Mark’s jacket. “Alright, lover boys. Enough talk. Some of us have to work in the morning, you know.” Mark huffed, walking over and slipping on his jacket. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

They turned to wave goodbye, and Tyler shut the door after them, nerves already building in his stomach. Here goes nothing. He sighed heavily and dropped onto the couch. 

Josh was still standing awkwardly near the kitchen, looking around like he didn’t know where to go or what to do. Tyler didn’t blame him, he definitely had no idea what to do either.

“Hey, make yourself at home. You live here now.” Josh jumped slightly and nodded. “Right, yes. I live here.” Tyler looked uninterested back at the TV, which was playing some sort of game show that he didn’t understand the premise of. “Yeah, so we should probably get to know each other, right?” 

Josh sat down cautiously on the other end of the couch, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.”   
  
There was a silence where neither of them knew quite what to say or do. Tyler was nervous. They talked so well when they were texting, and even in the coffee shop, but now it felt like all his words were caught in his throat, and he had nothing to say. 

Tyler was the first to break the silence. “We could do like a twenty questions thing? Take turns maybe?” Josh smiled, and Tyler took that as a good sign. “That sounds good! Umm, who goes first?”

“I can, I guess.” Tyler paused to think. “Okay, how long have you played drums?”

Josh’s eyes squinted slightly, and Tyler found he had to force himself to look away from them when he looked up to answer. “Six years? I can’t remember exactly, but something like that.” Tyler nodded, not sure if he was supposed to respond or not. Luckily, Josh had already moved on to his first question. “You work in a music shop, so I assume you play at least some sort of instrument?”   


Tyler hesitated, and then nodded. “A few, actually. Keyboard, mainly. But I’ve been messing around with bass and ukulele lately. I could play drums if I really had to. Nowhere near as good as you, but I could manage. I had a keytar once, that was cool. But I mainly stick to the piano.” 

“Oh, thats cool!” Josh smiled brightly, and Tyler pushed down the feeling in his stomach. 

“Hm, cats or dogs?”

“Cats. Dogs are cool, but cats are where it’s at, you know?”

Tyler nodded, pretending that yes, he knew. “I agree. I’m not a fan of dogs truthfully.” 

Josh looked offended at his confession. “What? No dogs? Dude, why not? Who hurt you?” 

He shrugged. “No one, I just don’t like dogs. Next question.” He was eager to move on from this topic, people were always bugging him to know why he didn’t like dogs. He didn’t have any specific reason, or any traumatic accidents as a kid, he just didn’t much like dogs.

“That’s messed up, man. What type of person doesn’t like dogs?” Tyler braced to defend himself, but Josh moved on to his next question. “Do you have any tattoos?”

Tyler froze, suddenly aware of the scars and cuts burning on his arms, right below three solid black bands on his left arm. If Josh asked to see them, he’d be in trouble. But if he lied about it, he knew Josh would eventually see them. It was hard to hide arm tattoos when you lived with someone. “Uhh, yeah. I’ve got a few. Some on my chest, and my arms. One on my shoulder. I’ve got this on my wrist, too.” He pulled up his sleeve just enough to show the three thin bands wrapping around his wrist, but not enough to show the war zone above it. 

Josh laughed, eyes squinting in the way that Tyler was finding himself oddly drawn to. “That sounds like more than a few. You’ll have to show me sometime!” 

Tyler felt instant relief wash over him; Josh wasn’t asking to see everything immediately. He was safe. “What about you? Anything besides that sleeve?” 

Josh shook his head. “Nope, only this. For now. I got it finished just before I left; it’s been a work in progress for ages. But I think it looks pretty sweet, don’t you think?” Tyler nodded. It was definitely a cool tattoo. 

“I want a ‘mom’ tattoo though. Like how the bikers have, with the heart and everything.” He laughed, as if to himself, and Tyler felt like he was missing out on some sort of inside joke. It was cute, though. 

“Dude, that would be sick.” Tyler smiled genuinely, intrigued by the idea of someone actually wanting the cheesy “mom” tattoo. There was something special about Josh. Special in the way that he seemed to be authentically him, not overly worried about what other people thought of him and his life. Tyler liked that. 

They continued asking questions back and forth, and it was obvious that both Josh and Tyler were growing more comfortable with each other. Josh stopped stuttering and tripping over his words, instead now joking and laughing in a way that seemed pretty confident. Tyler came out of his shell more than he normally would, answering most of Josh’s questions with 100% honesty. 

By the time they finally looked up at the clock, the twenty questions had been long forgotten. They had somehow lapsed into a conversation about life, and what they wanted to do with theirs. Tyler wasn’t used to being so open and vulnerable around someone he would have to face the next day, but this somehow felt okay. 

It was now close to three am, and they had spent nearly six hours just talking. Tyler didn’t know it was possible to even have that much to talk about with one person, but apparently it was. He was tired, eyes barely staying open, but he found that he just couldn’t make himself pull away from the conversation.

Tyler wasn’t ready for the night to end. He hadn’t had something like this in as long as he could remember, and he was reluctant to let the feeling of peace and comfort go. So much of the recent months had been filled with struggle. Problems with mental health and purpose had been bother Tyler for a long time, and he had finally been able to let it go, even if for just a while. 

He was tired, eyes drooping and yawns appearing every other sentence, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that at one point he may have dozed off. Something warm and solid was supporting his head, and he swore he could hear gentle snores coming from whatever his head was resting on. 

He felt so peaceful, floating limbs carrying him into oblivion and his mind comfortably quiet.  _ This is nice, _ he thought to himself. He could stay here for a while. 

The universe, however, had different ideas. He was jerked back into the waking world, startled by a sudden noise from the TV. The snoring stopped, and Josh blinked at Tyler in half asleep confusion. “Wha time is it?” He slurred. 

“Almost three am, I think we should go to bed.”

Josh nodded tiredly. “I think I’ll just…” He trailed off, falling sideways onto the couch in a way that didn’t look comfortable. He was snoring again within seconds, but Tyler guessed that he would regret falling asleep in that position tomorrow. He thought he should wake him up and see if he’d go to his new room, but he figured he’d slept on enough couches lately. He’d be fine.

He did, however, drape a blanket over him before heading to his own room. It could get a bit drafty in the living room.

Tyler finally collapsed into his bed, positively exhausted, but feeling better than he had in months. He felt clean, hopeful. Maybe Jenna was right, maybe a roommate was good for him. Maybe Josh would be good for him. 

Josh. He couldn’t get him out of his head. Perhaps it was due to the time they had just spent talking, but the image of him smiling and laughing wouldn’t leave. His eyes, which crinkled perfectly when he laughed or smiled, were a beautiful shade of brown, which Tyler had noticed from the amount of time he had spent staring at them when Josh wasn’t paying attention. His teeth were the definition of pearly whites, which only added to the charm of his smile.

Tyler felt shameful, you weren’t supposed to be attracted to your roommate like this. You weren’t supposed to be attracted to boys like this, actually. At least that’s what his mom had always said. He personally had never given that much thought or care. 

But now, all he could do was think. Think about the beautiful brown of Josh’s eyes, the light sound of his laugh, his cotton candy blue hair, his teeth and smile, the freckles on his shoulders revealed by his tank top, the bright colours and swirls of his tattoo, his soft snores, the nervous way he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.  

He turned these things into a list, repeating it in his mind, a mantra to fall asleep to. He was never good at sleeping in silence, unless he happened to accidentally doze off on the shoulder of his new roommate. But that was different.   
  
Tyler fell asleep not to the tauntings of Blurryface, but to the list of things he thought were nice about Josh. It was a good change. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a busy week so this chapter is completely unedited for now!! enjoy
> 
> p.s. i made a virtual version of the house if anyone is interested in it?? you can like, walk around in it and stuff its kinda cool and i can link it next chapter if anyone wants to see it pls lmk

Tyler awoke to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen. For a moment, he was alarmed that someone was in his house, before he remembered Josh. Blinking his eyes awake, he pulled on a hoodie and headed to the bathroom. There were other matters to be taken care of before he investigated what exactly was going on. 

When he padded into the kitchen, he was greeted by Josh standing in front of the stove, blue curls a mess from sleeping. He turned around when Tyler opened the fridge, smiling sheepishly.    


“Oh, hey. I took the liberty to make breakfast, I hope you don’t mind. You didn’t have much but uh, I made it work. French toast and eggs, because you apparently have an abundance of eggs for just one person.” He flipped over the bread that was currently in the pan, with a small stack already formed on a plate on the counter. “The eggs are scrambled, that seems to be the most universally accepted type of egg.”   


Tyler was slightly surprised. “Oh, yeah no this is great. I don’t mind. It’s your house too now.” He was a little uneasy about someone having gone through his cupboards and fridge, though it was unlikely he had anything embarrassing in there. But hey, you never know. If he got good food out of it, though, he supposed he didn’t mind too much. 

“I’ll be done soon. I’ll clean everything up because I made the mess so uh, don’t worry. I’m sorry if I stepped out of line with this I know I only just moved here and it’s probably rude of me to have made myself so immediately at home but I was just hungry and figured both of us could use some proper breakfast after last night, though I guess now it’s more of a brunch because it’s so late, so I hope that’s okay too also I hope you like french toast and scrambled eggs I never asked you so I really hope this is all okay and I’m really sorry if I overstepped any boundaries I really didn’t mean to I-”    
  
Tyler held up his hand to cut off his rambling. He turned around and looked down at the frying pan, cheeks tinted pink. “Dude, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. French toast is pretty good, and scrambled eggs are the best type of egg. You’re good so just, don’t worry. I’ll find us something to drink, yeah?”    


Josh nodded without turning around, but Tyler could see the relief in his posture. “Thanks. I think there’s some orange juice in the fridge?” 

Right, Jenna occasionally dropped off food for Tyler, as he had a bad habit of not eating for days when things got bad. If she gave him food though, he’d feel bad about wasting and usually finish whatever it was she happened to stock his fridge with. Apparently, she’d recently given him an abundance of fruit, juice, eggs, and bread. He didn’t remember when she’d given them to him, and he could only hope nothing was expired. 

Lucky for him, the orange juice was still good for another few days. He poured two glasses and traded one to Josh for a plate of food that actually looked pretty decent. They sat on the couch to eat, watching old cartoons. Tyler had offered to change the channel, but Josh said he didn’t mind. Tyler found his mind drifting to last night, but he forced himself to focus on eating and the mindless show in front of him. 

After the dishes had been cleaned and the kitchen cleared, Josh headed into his room, apparently to get ready to work. Tyler didn’t go back until tomorrow, so he had a free day ahead of him. Free days were boring to him, there was nothing to do. You were stuck with yourself, with nothing to distract you. Sure, work could be boring, but it was a different kind of boring. If you were determined enough, you could always find something to busy yourself with. At home, though, you eventually ran out of things to do. Plus, you were usually most comfortable at home, so that was where you were most vulnerable to your own thoughts. 

Tyler actually had no idea where Josh worked, so he wasn’t expecting him to emerge wearing a black button up and nice grey slacks, with his curls tamed into some sort of obedience. He looked nice, and like he was going on a date, not to work. 

Tyler stared at him for a bit longer than was probably necessary, and he wasn’t sure how well his voice was going to work when he spoke. “Woah, I thought you were going to work?” 

Josh adjusted the cuff of his sleeve, but glanced up when he heard Tyler speak. “Oh, yeah. I am. I’m a waiter at a fairly nice restaurant. The pay isn’t great, but the tips rock.” He smiled brightly. 

“Really? You work at a restaurant with that hair?” Josh looked taken aback, and Tyler realised he had sounded much meaner than intended.  _ Fool. _ “I just mean, I didn’t think someone with a full sleeve tattoo and a bright blue mohawk would be able to work somewhere with a dress code like that.”

Josh shrugged and walked towards the living room, picking up a backpack he’d left sitting in the chair. “I guess not. But Mark knows a lot of people, apparently. He helped me get the job when my first waiter position flopped.”

Tyler looked at him quizzically. “Did you get fired or something? How? You’ve only been here for like two weeks.”

Josh laughed sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Uhh, yeah. It just… didn’t work out. Some issues arose real fast.”

Realising that Josh definitely didn’t want to elaborate, Tyler let it drop. “Oh, well hey that’s cool that you got a new job. Dressing all fancy and stuff.” His words felt suddenly awkward, and his hand went without thinking to scratch at his arm. It was a bad nervous habit, and he quickly dropped his arm back to his side.  _ He noticed, see how he’s staring? He’s going to find out, and he’ll think you’re a freak. _

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” Josh smiled, and any awkwardness that was in the air seemed to dissipate. “I should get going, I don’t want to be late.” 

“Oh, right. Yeah. Have fun.”  _ You’re an idiot.  _

Josh, still smiling, thanked him and left, leaving Tyler iin the entryway, feeling like a fool. Blurry had not approved of last night, and had decided to make today  _ his  _ day. It was going to be a long one. All he could do was take his meds and hope he made it through unscathed. 

**Josh**

Josh didn’t have a car, so his only option was to cycle to work. He knew Tyler had a car, but he knew he would definitely be overstepping boundaries if he asked for a ride, or even worse, to borrow it. So, he was left to shiver and shake his way to work in the late september air. 

Lucky for him, work wasn’t too far from his new house, but everything was ten times colder when you rode a bike. By the time he arrived, his fingers were frozen, he couldn’t feel his nose, his back and neck were stiff, and his legs burned from the constant pedalling. Though, at least one of those things was likely from sleeping on the couch without a proper pillow. 

He had woken up with a blanket draped over him, however, and he liked to think that maybe it had been Tyler who put it there. 

Brushing the other boy from his mind, because now was  _ definitely _ not the time to be thinking about any aspect of him, he locked up his bike and headed inside to warmth. He put his jacket and bag in the back, emerging with his apron and nametag in hand. He had to admit, he felt rather fancy working here. 

The uniform was the main positive. Everyone was more motivated to work when dressed nicely and surrounded by a nice atmosphere. Almost everything about the restaurant was a positive, actually. The customers could be a pain, but that went without saying for any service job. He got paid a fair amount, and he almost always was tipped generously. His boss was pretty good, by boss standards. And, he got free food. Who didn’t love free food?

Most people wouldn’t expect him to ever work a job that required so much personal interaction, but Josh found he didn’t mind so much when he could put on a mask and pretend to be someone else. There wasn’t much of a pressure to be yourself in the service industry. You just had to play the role of a perfect server, and he was good at that. 

He went through his shift on autopilot, which he had found was the easiest way to do so. Take an order, bring the food, collect the check. Not too hard. The repetition got him into a trance that usually made the time pass quickly, for which he was grateful. Work wasn’t awful, but it was rare someone actually enjoyed waiting tables.

\-----

Josh fumbled with his keys, frozen fingers finally granting him access to the house. For a moment, he swore he heard soft piano music coming from inside the house, but when he stepped in, it was silent.  
  
Tyler was nowhere to be seen, so Josh assumed he was in his room. He could tell he was a private guy, and Josh felt bad for moving in and invading his space. It wasn’t really his fault, as Tyler had invited him to come live here, but he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. It had obviously been a long time since he’d lived with someone else.

He trudged to his room and fell face first onto his neatly made bed, not even bothering to take off his backpack or shoes. He laid there for a moment, enjoying the silence, until he heard a door crack open down the hall. He held his breath, listening carefully as footsteps came down the hall and stopped outside his door. It was quiet for a moment, before he spoke.

“Josh?” 

He rolled over onto his back, crushing his backpack, and sat up slightly, a sense of worry in his gut, though he didn’t know why. “Yeah?”

“Oh, it was you.”

Before he had the chance to answer, he could hear Tyler’s footsteps leaving. His door closed a moment later, and the house was silent again, leaving Josh in confusion. He sat up fully and tossed his backpack off the bed, toeing off his shoes as well. That was… weird.

Josh knew Tyler could be a bit odd at times, thanks to Mark, though he didn’t know exactly what he’d been expecting. He brushed it off, figuring he would know if there was a problem. 

He hadn’t known him for long, but Josh knew that Tyler was likely going to remain a mystery to him for a long time. So much about him was closed off, but there were small things that slipped through. Things that seemed… off. Things you wouldn’t notice unless you had seen it before.

The way he sometimes stared off at nothing, brows knitting together in what looked like concentration, or maybe frustration. The way he would jump if someone spoke to him suddenly, even if they had been in the room together for a while. The way his hand seemed to automatically go up to scratch at his arm when he was nervous. The moments when his eyes would flick to look at something, though when Josh looked, there was nothing there. The quiet, reserved way he spoke, as if he wasn’t sure his words would be accepted, but then the confident, sarcastic tone of his voice at other times. He’d shake his head at random times, looking annoyed at something no one else was aware of. 

They were small things, generally not noticeable, but like he said, noticeable enough if you’d seen it before. Josh didn’t want to invade, he really didn’t, but the way Tyler seemed to contradict himself in only his existence made him curious as to what his story was. 

He wanted to know more about the soft spoken boy who had invited him into his home, but who seemed to be angry at himself for doing so. He wanted to know more about his dreams, his aspirations, what motivated him, what inspired him. He wanted to know what he believed in, and who he wanted to be. He was intrigued. 

Beyond just wanting to know who Tyler was as a person, Josh couldn’t help but feel the pull in his gut that he knew had the dangerous potential to lead to something more. He told himself that he wouldn’t let anything develop past friendship, and he had told himself this from the moment he realised the boy from the music shop was the one he was supposed to move in with.

Tyler was straight. That much was obvious. His friendship with Jenna felt like a bit more than a friendship, and Josh hadn’t had any strong feelings about him being anything other than straight. Tyler was a devoted Christian, and while Josh himself was a comfortably bisexual christian himself, he was pretty sure Tyler was one of those Christians who didn’t curse. Josh had no problem with a few swears here and there, but he had laid off swearing in front of Tyler for now, who honestly didn’t look like someone who went around dropping f-bombs. 

But if Tyler was a straight Christian who didn’t curse, then it was likely that he would be uncomfortable with anything that wasn’t… heterosexual. Josh was fine keeping things under wraps if he was going to live here, he never had felt the urge to announce his sexuality to the world. It could present a problem if he met someone, but that hadn’t happened in a long time, so he wasn’t worried. Besides, he had no objection to sleeping with girls. It would be great if Tyler was fine with it, but he doubted that would be the case. Disheartening, but that’s reality.

Despite all of this, there was a part of Josh who wondered things that weren’t appropriate to think about your new roommate. He wanted to know what Tyler’s hair would feel like, as it looked very soft. He wanted to see the tattoos that Tyler hadn’t offered to show him, and he wanted to know their meanings. He wanted to be able to stare into his eyes, examining their brown depths, wondering what stories they held. He wanted to be Tyler’s number one confidant, in the way that was rare to achieve with just friendship. 

But he shoved these wants down, locked them up in a box in his mind, not to be prodded or poked at. He wasn’t going to ruin what felt like an ideal housing situation, just because he accidentally developed feelings for his roommate. 

Regardless, Josh couldn’t get the memory of Tyler falling asleep on his shoulder out of his mind. He had fallen asleep shortly after, of course, but the feeling of Tyler suddenly leaning against Josh had made his heart speed up more than it should. Josh had tensed up at first, unsure of what to do, 

There was a knock at his door, making him jump. He opened the door to see a tired looking Tyler standing there, wearing a purple hoodie hanging unzipped over a shirt that appeared to be turned inside out. He didn’t know if it was on purpose, and he didn’t want to embarrass him, so he didn’t point out. Besides, it was a good look. 

And though his choice of clothing made Josh’s stomach do a tiny flip, the rest of him didn’t look so well. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were slightly red and puffy, suggesting he’d recently been crying. Josh suddenly felt awkward and out of place, and he forced himself to smile. “Hi.” 

Tyler gave a small smile in return. It looked almost pained. “I’m gonna order burritos. You want anything?” 

He did, of course. He gave him his order, to which Tyler just hummed in response. Josh handed him some cash, and Tyler headed back to his room to order. 

Something had definitely happened while Josh was away. He got the feeling something was wrong with Tyler, though he wasn’t sure what.   
  
He subconsciously rubbed his hand worriedly up and down his arm, feeling the ridges of scars he’d disguised with a bright tattoo.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a day late, sorry! getting back into college this week has been rough aha. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter, and as promised, the virtual version of the house can be found [here!](http://www.homestyler.com/floorplan/?assetId=9317a532-0d42-44b0-bade-e955264463b0) you can navigate the house to see how it looks like. keep in mind that its not decorated exactly like that, as the only options i was given to decorate was model home stuff. it's a lot more homey in the story :)  
> [this](http://imgur.com/a/KP8Ty) is a chart thing to know which room is which
> 
> tw: mentions of self harm, delusions

Tyler had not had a good day. Actually, he hadn’t had a good week. Ever since Josh had moved in, his mind had been at constant war with itself. He hardly slept, and spent all his free time in his room, he only ate to keep up a good appearance for Josh, and he found it harder and harder to resist the urge of the blade each night. He was exhausted, and running on fumes, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t lived through this before. 

Jenna noticed, though she didn’t comment on it. She talked to him about small things, avoiding topics she knew that could set him, or Blurry, off. She quietly covered his mistakes at work, putting records into their proper place without saying a word, gracefully taking over when he was stumbling with a customer, apologising and explaining he was a new employee when he suddenly forgot how to work the cash register, though he’d been working there for years. 

Jenna was the best friend a person could ask for, and Tyler didn’t know how he’d be functioning if he didn’t have her. 

Josh, though, he was a close contender. 

Tyler knew he must be the worst roommate to exist. However, Josh never said anything, he never once complained or made Tyler feel bad. He simply accepted his silence and his mood, calling out that he was back when returning from work, as he’d spooked Tyler a few times, offering him food whenever he cooked for himself, and giving Tyler all the space he needed. He never asked questions, he never acted annoyed, and he was always mindful of things Tyler had never noticed needed to be minded. 

Some nights Tyler would be feeling good enough to come out of his room, and eat dinner in the living room with Josh. On those nights, somehow despite all of the couch available, they always ended up sitting closer than was necessary. 

Tyler didn’t mind, and he figured Josh was just the type of guy who was secure in his sexuality, and didn’t mind being near to others. Some nights Tyler would doze off, head resting on Josh’s shoulder, and when he awoke it would be like that very first night; Josh snoring softly as the TV played quietly in the background. 

But again, Tyler figured it was just who Josh was. He was straight, and so was Tyler. They were just friends and roommates who were lucky enough to share a connection that was hard to come by. 

He frequently reminded himself of this, but Blurryface didn’t believe it. The more he tried to argue, the angrier Blurry became, and the more miserable Tyler was. As the weeks passed, the nights in which Tyler was okay enough to come out of his room and communicate in more than one word sentences became less and less. 

Eventually, Josh would tire of Tyler’s behaviour. Blurryface knew that, and it was what he was pushing for. He wanted Josh out, gone. He had gotten a taste of the potential of what things could be on that first night, and he had been actively fighting back ever since. 

Tyler, however, did not. He wanted Josh to stay. He knew it made Blurry angry, but he knew it was only because Josh had power. Josh had power against Blurry, and that scared him. Tyler knew it scared him, and it gave him all the more motivation to continue fighting against him. For the first time, he had a viable weapon to use against the one who had been making his life a living hell since he had been 13 years old. 

For ten years, he’d been waging a war within his own mind. He seemed to be on the losing side, and the outcome of the war was painfully obvious. Tyler had no weapons, while Blurryface had an entire arsenal. Tyler was on his own, but Blurryface had an army. Tyler was essentially trying to fend off Blurry’s army armed with a stick, while they were loaded with guns and explosives. 

Logically, he shouldn’t be alive. He should have given up at this point. He was on the losing side, and it was only a matter of time before that was proven true. He should have given up by now, allowing himself to be taken over by the opponent. 

But, though he’d had casualties, something had pushed him to keep going. Some unknown force that had kept any attempt on his life from succeeding, a force that had prevented him from digging too deep into his skin, made him put the pills back in their bottle. 

Blurryface was used to Tyler being on the losing side, he’d grown sadistically comfortable with knowing the power he had over Tyler. But now that Tyler had a weapon in sight, he was determined to make sure Tyler never reached it. And if he was going to fight him to get close to Josh, then Blurry would have to fight back twice as hard to make sure such a thing never happened.

He was doing a good job. He knew it, and Tyler knew it. Tyler could only resist for so long, eventually he would grow weak and give up. Or, if Tyler didn’t give up, Josh would leave. Blurry would beat him down to the point that no one would be able to stand to be around him. Tyler, the twitchy paranoid mess who heard voices and would prefer to spend his time splitting his veins open rather than talk to people. He would end up in a psych ward, locked safely away from the rest of the world. There, he would be at the mercy of his mind, and therefore at the mercy of Blurryface.

He could make life hell for Tyler. He would amp up the hallucinations, the voices, the delusions. He wasn’t going to give Tyler a break. Any moment he was awake, he would be in control of the boy’s life, pulling on the strings that made blood trickle down his forearms and thighs, his eyes bruised from lack of sleep, for when he did sleep, Blurry followed him into his dreams, where he had complete control. When he woke, he would remain exhausted from spending his sleeping moments in a battle. 

Tyler wouldn’t eat, sleep, or go outside. He would become a recluse, someone overtaken by the horrors of his own mind, and terrified of the outside world. 

Or, that was his plan. And even the voices in your head should know that life never goes according to plan. 

Tyler accepted when Josh offered him food, though it usually ended in punishment for disobeying what Blurryface wanted him to do. He found a way to sleep peacefully, as long as he was in contact with Josh, and he dragged himself to work shift after shift. Though he was absentminded and largely mute, and Pete’s patience with him was waning, he managed to continue going, holding onto his job with the help of Jenna. 

No work meant no money, and no money meant no house. No house meant no Josh, and Tyler’s mind knew that if he lost Josh now, he’d be in for a world of trouble. Josh had been living with him for just over a month now, and Tyler already knew beyond a doubt that he needed him. 

He just hoped that Josh would decide to stay. 

\-----

Tyler’s head was cloudy, full of cotton. Nothing was processing, and it felt like everyone was trying to speak to him through a pipe. Even the voices in his own mind were far away and distant, not clear enough for him to focus on. His eyes wouldn’t focus, and everything looked soft and fuzzy. 

He felt an overwhelming sense of panic and guilt, though he couldn’t recognise why. It felt like the world was crashing down around him, piece by piece. The beautiful paint was peeling off the walls around him, revealing ugly grey and black and red. He laid on his bed, staring at the wall, which was shifting and changing before his eyes. A swirling mess of colours that was confusing, and hurt when he tried to focus on it, though he really couldn’t focus on anything at all.   
  
His eyes shifted everything in and out of focus, making his head spin like the wall. Everything felt wrong, wrong, wrong. All he could feel was that all consuming panic and fear, dread coursing through every inch of him. Something was wrong, but he didn't know what. He tried to think of what. He had nothing. 

Where was Josh? Didn’t he live here? Shouldn’t he be home? Was Tyler home? He couldn’t remember. He didn’t know where he was. He knew there was a wall in front of him, though he couldn’t recognise anything familiar about it. He knew there was a bed under him, but it felt like any other bed. Was he in the hospital? 

No, if he was in the hospital he wouldn’t be lying on his side. He’d be on his back, and he’d be hooked up to some sort of machine. He didn’t think there were any machines around him. He must be home, then. But where was Josh?

Thinking made his head hurt, so he gave up on trying to decide where he was. He could do nothing but lie there, trying to identify what was making him feel this way. His mind provided him a thousand reasons to feel guilty and afraid, but they were all too small and insignificant to be what was causing this. He felt so helpless, and he didn’t know what to do. His clouded mind registered the buzz of his phone, but he couldn’t remember what that sound meant. 

A thought came to him, ringing out through the haze. The phone was a weapon. The vibration was a warning, a warning that someone had planted something in his room. He was frozen in place, unable to move, because he knew that the slightest movement would set off the weapon, and he would die. His head was suddenly clear, and he felt dizzy from the sudden change. 

He couldn’t move. If he moved, he died. A bomb would go off, and he would be blown into a thousand pieces. That’s why his phone was vibrating. They were trying to draw him out, trying to trick him into moving so that they could kill him. They knew he would check his phone if it vibrated, so he knew the last thing he should do was check his phone.

_ It’s a fake. That’s not really your phone. _ He reminded himself, still not moving. He needed to find his real phone, call for help. They had to have hidden it somewhere. What if they took it? Crap, they probably took it. That way he wouldn’t be able to call for help. He was stuck here, doomed to die terrible and alone. He still wasn’t entirely sure on where here was, but since his brain had cleared slightly, something whispered at him that he was in his room.

_ If you’re in your room, then that means someone snuck in here to plant the weapon. _ Blurryface whispered, which terrified Tyler even more. He was hyperaware of every inch of his body. He could feel where his hip was pressing into the bed, the awkward angle of his neck, the sweat collecting on his back, the burn of fresh cuts on his arms, the ache of his shoulder as his arm was twisted into an awkward position, and where his legs were positioned, feet shoved under the blanket crumpled at the foot of his bed. He was sprawled across the bed, his head just inches away from a dangerous weapon. 

He became uncomfortable very quickly. It was amazing how quickly one became uncomfortable once they were aware of their body. But, he knew he couldn’t move. He moved, he died, and that was that. 

The rest of the world was distant once more, sounds still coming to him as if muffled by thick glass. Only two things were clear to him; the knowledge of the armed weapon waiting to kill him, and the sound of Blurry’s whispering. 

He didn’t know how long he laid there, waiting to die, but hoping he wouldn’t. He was very good at not moving, regardless of how much discomfort he was in. He focused his entire energy on staying still, consumed with the fear of being blown to bits. The phone continued to vibrate, still attempting to lure him in, and kill him. He was terrified, and alone.

So, when there was a gentle touch to his shoulder, he panicked, instinctively curling in on himself and bracing for the blast that was to come, heart racing and tears streaming down his face. He wasn’t ready to die. Not like this. The panic took over, and his entire body shook, wracked with sobs and tremors of fear. A voice was calling out for somebody, trying to get their attention.   
  
He couldn’t make out exactly what was being said, only bits and pieces managed to break through the fear induced haze. “Tyler!” The voice was looking for someone named Tyler. 

“--hear me? Tyler… --’re okay. What hap….ed? Tyler?” The only word he could clearly make out was Tyler. Who was that? Was it him? He didn’t know who he was. Was he alive? Surely not. He had moved. He had moved, his phone had exploded, and he was dead now. He was probably hearing some sort of ghost, or something. He was definitely dead, he decided. Blurryface wasn’t speaking, so he was positive. At least he had gone peacefully, considering he didn’t remember dying. 

Somebody was grabbing his shoulders, shaking him. Well, that was annoying. Couldn’t he be dead in peace? He opened what he guessed where his eyes, because suddenly the world wasn’t black anymore, though it was very blurry. His eyes wheeled around the room, trying to figure out what was happening. He recognised nothing, he had no idea where he was. 

He focused on the only colour he could see. A bright patch of blue that was hovering right above him. It was a very pretty shade of blue, it reminded him of Josh’s hair. The voice that was speaking reminded him of Josh as well.   
  
“Tyler! Can you hear me, Tyler? Please, you’re okay. Listen to me, Tyler. Focus on my voice. Try to breathe, you’re okay.” 

Tyler’s mind slowly processed the words. He was Tyler. He wasn’t dead. A person that reminded him of Josh, possibly even Josh himself, was speaking to him, telling him to breathe. He tried to inhale, but choked and starting coughing. Now he couldn’t breathe, and a fresh wave of panic hit. He tried to push himself up and claw at his throat, but his arms wouldn’t support him. 

He felt the bed dip down next to him, strong arms grabbing him and pulling him upright. He grabbed desperately at his throat, trying to breathe. It was wet, and he worried that his throat was covered in blood. That scared him even more. Maybe he hadn’t died, but was in the process of dying right now. 

He was pulled close to something solid and warm, and heard the same voice telling him that he was okay, and to just breathe. He tried again to inhale, and found this time that it was possible. No choking. He took shaky breaths, tears still sliding down his face. He dropped his hands, realising that it was likely tears that had been making his neck slick. He could feel himself trembling, and could hear the voice speaking softly to him. 

He let himself be held in the arms of whoever had come into his room, and cried until most of the panic had slowly faded. He was able to recognise the voice as Josh’s, and put together that it then must be him who was currently holding Tyler in a position that was comfortable for neither of them. Gaining control of his body, Tyler pushed away from Josh, who let go quickly, only to move to rest his head on Josh’s lap instead of against his chest. 

There was a moment of hesitation before a hand rested gently on his head, and Tyler let his eyes slide shut. Slowly, Josh began to run his hand through Tyler’s hair as he took stock of the damage that had been done, trying to remember what had set him off. 

From what he could remember, he’d had an argument with Blurryface, which had led to him bringing out his blade for punishment, after which he had laid down in the hopes of sleep, strongly disassociated and anxious. The disassociation lead to a delusion, which in turn led to a panic attack when Josh had arrived. Not that it was Josh’s fault, it was bound to be triggered by something eventually. His delusions tended to end badly. 

From what Tyler could tell, the only damage done was the cuts on his arm, which he noted were covered by sleeves. Good. It was bad enough that he’d now have to confront Josh about what had just happened, he didn’t need to add his scars into the equation. For now, he was content to relax into Josh’s fingers running through his head, calming him. Maybe this wasn’t something you were supposed to do with your roommate, but he had just gone through a panic attack; he deserved it. 

He wasn’t ready to face Josh and explain this, so he left himself drift into a shallow sleep, knowing that this would only add to his problem. For now, though, it felt okay. He was peaceful and calm with Josh’s warmth and comfort.  
  
He didn’t have the strength to stop it when he felt himself falling into a deeper sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very short and very late, im sorry. life happened. it's not my best writing but i hope you enjoy it! please leave a comment, they make my day :) ily  
> next chapter will be better

Josh’s concern for Tyler had only grown the longer he knew him. At first, he figured he was just shy, slow to come out of his shell in the presence of newcomers.

But, the longer he lived in that house, the more he realised something was wrong. Sure, Tyler would spend nights on the couch with him, making his stomach fill with butterflies and his head spin as they talked the night away on more than one occasion. However, those days had happened less and less, with Tyler only becoming more closed off and drawn into himself. He appeared to lose even more weight off his already thin frame, though he’d eat whenever Josh offered him food. Josh made a point to order in as often as he could.

Most days Josh would walk in from work, greeted by gentle piano music, though it always stopped as soon as Tyler realised he was home. Josh always tried to be as quiet as he could in the hopes that Tyler wouldn’t notice and would keep on playing, but he never succeeded. He never got to hear more than a few minutes of the music before Tyler stopped. He was half convinced the other boy had some sort of camera trained at the entrance to the house, because even if Josh stood outside the door to listen, it always stopped shortly after he arrived home.

So when Josh arrived home to an eerie silence, his stomach twisted in worry. 

“Tyler?” He waited. There was no answer. This worried him further.

He set his bag down by the door, noting that Tyler’s black vans were still there. So he was home, then. Likely, in his room. But he might as well check the rest of the house, just in case.

The living room was empty, the TV turned off. The kitchen too, was empty, dirty plates and cups littered around the sink. Strange, as Tyler was usually insistent that everything was cleaned. He walked down the hall towards his room, checking each door as he passed. He paused in front of Tyler’s door, hesitating.

He knocked softly, calling out Tyler’s name once more. The silence continued. Josh was still uneasy, but figured maybe Tyler was asleep. Or, maybe he wasn’t home, and had chosen to wear a different pair of shoes today.

He pulled out his phone, pulling up Tyler’s contact. He listened to it ring, still standing by Tyler’s door. He heard a faint vibration from the other side stop just as the call went to voicemail, buzzing once more to indicate a missed called after Josh had hung up.

Okay, so Tyler was definitely home. He never went anywhere without his phone. Josh sent him a quick text, letting him know he was home and asking if he wanted to order pizza. As Josh turned to leave, he heard the phone vibrate twice, followed by a fearful whimper.

That got his attention, and he turned back towards the door. He knocked again, thinking that Tyler was now awake. “Hey, Tyler? You okay?”

No answer.

Josh reached out to grab the door handle, hesitating once again. Was this a bad thing to do? He was worried, surely it was alright for him to at least check. He had knocked, after all.

Just in case Tyler didn’t want Josh in his room, he called out one last warning. “I’m uh, I’m coming in. If you’re naked or something just… just yell at me when I come in and I won’t look.” He was greeted with more silence.

Bracing himself for embarrassment, he pushed open the door. His eyes immediately landed on the bed. Tyler was lying there, still as a rock. Josh wasn’t even sure if he was breathing. Cautiously, approached the bed and rested his hand gently on a bony shoulder, hoping the touch would elicit some sort of response, as words didn’t seem to be reaching him. 

The reaction was immediate. Tyler curled in on himself, letting out a terrified whimper. He was crying harder now, his body trembling and shaking, hiccuping sobs shaking the bed. Fear clenched Josh’s heart--what was wrong? “Tyler! Tyler listen to me! Tyler!” He was gripped with panic, unsure of what to do. Was he having a panic attack? Was it something more? He knew how to deal with a panic attack, but he didn’t know what this was. Tyler didn’t even appear to be present in this world.

“Can you hear me? Tyler, listen to me, you’re okay. What happened? Tyler? Focus here, focus on me. You’re okay. Tyler!” He rested his hand on Tyler’s shoulder again, trembling slightly himself. He shook his shoulder gently, trying to get his attention. He was careful not to be too rough, for fear of frightening him further.

His eyes opened, blinking and unfocused, tears likely blurring his vision. Josh removed his hand as Tyler slowly came to his senses. His eyes moved constantly, darting around the room until they landed on something just above Josh’s head. He looked up, but there was nothing there. He focused back on the problem at hand, recognising the panic growing in Tyler’s eyes again.

“Tyler! Can you hear me, Tyler? Please, you’re okay. Listen to me, Tyler. Focus on my voice. Try to breathe, you’re okay. You’re in your room, you’re safe.” Tyler inhaled, too fast, and his eyes widened with fear as he choked and coughed. His hands scrambled on the bed, trying to push himself up, but his arms buckled and he fell back onto the bed, clawing desperately at his throat.  
  
Terrified, and worried Tyler was going to end up hurting himself, Josh had no choice but to sit Tyler upright himself, hoping being vertical would help him breathe easier. Tyler was a lot lighter than Josh had anticipated.  
  
However, sitting up hadn’t seemed to calm Tyler down enough for him to breathe. Not knowing what to do, Josh pulled the thin boy close to him, gently pushing his hands away from his throat, holding them still. “Shh, it’s okay. Just breathe, keep breathing. You’re okay, take it easy.” Tyler’s hands relaxed, but he was still shaking like a leaf, tears soaking into Josh’s shirt. He didn't mind.

Eventually, Tyler's breathing calmed, his body no longer trembling. They sat in silence for a while, just the two of them breathing together, Josh with his arms firmly wrapped around Tyler, wondering if he was supposed to say something.

Before he had the chance, he felt Tyler pushing away from him. He let go immediately, face flushing red from embarrassment. Tyler was probably uncomfortable, it wasn't right for your roommate to hold you like that. But to his surprise, Tyler adjusted himself to rest his head on Josh's lap, letting out a soft sigh that made the butterflies in his stomach multiply. Well, he most definitely wasn't expecting this.

Josh hesitated, unsure of how far was too far. Ultimately deciding he should take the chance while he had it, he laid his hand gently on Tyler's head, tangling his fingers in his hair after another moment's hesitation. It was soft, as Josh had imagined, and Tyler let out a small sound of contentment that made his heart leap a bit.

Tyler's breathing evened out as he dozed off, body jerking slightly as he fell into a deeper sleep. Josh's heart ached for the boy as he continued running his fingers through his hair. It was becoming harder to ignore what he was feeling, especially when things like this happened.

Josh worried about people. He cared about them, so he worried when they weren't okay. But this, this was something different. He would never have done something like this with his other friends. His other friends didn't scare him with a mere panic attack, didn't send waves of relief over his body when they were okay, didn't make butterflies dance in his stomach and his head feel light.

Tyler was different. Something was going on in his life, something he was unwilling to share with Josh. But Josh was intrigued, drawn in by the quirky personality and mystery of Tyler Joseph. He was funny, cute, kind, and gentle, but he was hiding something. Normal people didn't keep boxes of bandages by their bed, normal people didn't lock themselves in their room for days, arguing with themselves late into the night, normal people didn't go mute.

But what even was normal? He assumed it wasn't this, but he didn't know. His own sense of normalcy was too skewed, but he had always considered himself to be “not-normal.” Anxiety does that to you.

He wanted to help Tyler. You can’t love away someone’s problems, but you can help them by offering a steady shoulder to cry on, a safe place. Knowing there was someone there to reach out to if you needed was a comfort, and far better than trying to make it through alone. Tyler had been alone for a long time, and Josh could only hope that he would be able to take at least some of the weight off of his shoulders.

His arm itched, but he closed his eyes and took deep breaths, focusing on Tyler asleep in his lap. No one had been there to help him, so he was going to be here to help Tyler. Even if it took months for him to trust him, he wanted to boy to know that he didn't have to do this on his own. Josh would respect his privacy, but he would be there if he ever needed.

He would be a good friend. Even if he wanted to be more, he would be a good friend. Tyler deserved it.

\-----

Tyler had been asleep for a long time, and though Josh didn’t mind, his legs were starting to fall asleep. He was still wearing his work clothes, and his discomfort was growing by the minute. Not that it was bad to have your maybe-crush asleep on your lap, but one could only stay still for so long. His hip ached, and he wanted to stretch his legs, but he didn’t dare move for fear of waking Tyler. He had been sleeping so little lately, and Josh didn’t want to ruin what appeared to be a peaceful sleep. His phone was trapped in his front pocket, inaccessible at the time being.

There wasn’t much to do, other than take in his surroundings. Josh’s hand had started to ache fairly quickly after Tyler had gone to sleep, so he was now leaning back on his hands and surveying Tyler’s room. He had never been in here before. Tyler liked his private space, and kept his door closed at all times. Josh’s curiosity had been burning, but Tyler had never invited him on a tour of his personal space, and Josh didn’t plan on asking.

The room was big, bigger than Josh’s, which made sense he supposed. After all, it was Tyler’s house first. There were few decorations, the walls bare for the most part. There were dark curtains on the windows, but the dust atop the curtain rod showed that they hadn’t been moved in a while. There wasn’t much by way of furniture, just the basics. A dresser, bed, and nightstand. No desk, surprisingly.

There was a piano against the wall, a ukulele hanging beside it. A battered notebook was resting atop the black and white keys, and Josh averted his eyes for fear of accidentally reading the open page. A black bass was resting in the corner, the dust on the body showing that it, too, had not been touched in awhile.

His eyes drifted to the box of gauze on the dresser, a roll of tape resting on top. Unease built in his stomach. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but some correlations were hard to ignore.

Tyler shifted slightly, blinking his eyes open as he turned his head to look up at Josh. He sat up quickly, scrambling off the bed and onto his feet, looking at Josh with wide eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to I- oh crap I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” Josh gave a small smile, trying to reassure him. “No, no it’s okay. I didn’t mind.” His legs were tingling now that their wasn’t weight on them, and he fought every urge to stretch, worried that it would make Tyler feel bad.

Tyler narrowed his eyes, looking like he didn’t believe him. “I promise, it’s okay. You uh, you had a rough time. It’s really no problem.” Tyler crossed his arms nervously, staring Josh down. It made his stomach flutter.

“How long was I out?”

“I don’t know, maybe an hour and a half? A little more, I think.”

Tyler blinked at him, confusion in his brown eyes. “You sat there for nearly two hours?” He sounded suspicious, like maybe Josh was lying to him. He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. It wasn’t so bad. You-” You look cute when you’re asleep. Josh stopped himself before the words could come out, stumbling for something else to say. “You deserved to rest.”

Tyler stared at him for a bit longer, eyes narrowed. He looked away, walking over to the corner of his room. Josh was surprised he hadn’t kicked him out yet. He was dying to ask what was wrong, what had happened, but Tyler was acting as if he hadn’t just gone through a panic attack. His hands were shaking as he reached for the door of his closet, but Josh put that aside. If Tyler wasn’t going to speak about it, Josh wasn’t going to ask.

“Um, I’m going to take a shower.” Tyler reached into his closet, looking back at Josh expectantly when he didn’t answer. “Oh, right. I’m sorry, I’ll go.” He blushed red and leapt to his feet, legs almost giving out after sitting for so long. He hurried to the door, pausing with his hand on the handle. “If uh, if you need anything, I’ll be in my room?” Tyler just nodded, busying himself by searching for something in his room. Other than that, he didn’t answer. He seemed to be suddenly ignoring Josh. That hurt, and his heart dropped.

Face still burning, Josh rushed into his room, closing the door and burying his face in his hands. God, Tyler probably hated him. All he did was make a fool of himself. Tyler evidently wanted to be alone, and wasn't comfortable with waking up in Josh's lap. He couldn't even recognise when he'd overstepped his boundaries.   
  
Josh heard the shower turn on, and he took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. Tyler didn’t hate him. He was just upset, still recovering from whatever had happened earlier. He probably wasn’t mad at Josh, he was just wrapped up in his own mind. Right, yes. It made sense that he would want to be alone. 

The shower turned off, and shortly after, Josh heard the cabinets under the sink bang closed, followed by frustrated mumbling. Tyler exited the bathroom a few minutes later, rushed footsteps going down the hall. His door shut quietly, and the house was silent once again. Josh sighed deeply and went to his desk, clicking awake his computer and trying to ignore the uneasy feeling settling in his stomach.  
  
Tyler was definitely not okay, and Josh had no idea how to help.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im late, though with good reason this time. i drove to omaha and back from denver for ers on wednesday, so i didn't really have much time to write between that and school! i think that going to a concert is the best reason to miss update day, honestly. esp when its a twenty one pilots concert ayyyy (also my birthday was on saturday last week so theres that)
> 
> BUT yes here it is. i feel like its super choppy but i just. needed to get it out so pls forgive me. i wrote this in pieces so forgive me if i accidentally left out an entire scene or something (let me know if i did too, please) also, as i was writing the beginning, blurryface tweeted, so that was an adventure.
> 
> reminder that [here](http://twitter.com/moontyIer) is my twitter and [here](http://vessxll.tumblr.com) is my tumblr!
> 
> big tw for self harm and blood, pls be safe

It had been a few weeks since Josh found Tyler in the middle of a psychotic episode, and though they had both agreed to move on, Tyler’s mental health still hung above them, heavy in the air, though never acknowledged. Blurryface was sneering, knowing that it was becoming an issue between them. It was only a matter of time before he decided to strike, delivering the final blow that would push Josh away. He’d been quiet for days, and Tyler was suspicious. He was planning something, but Tyler was unsure of what. He hadn’t shared any of his plans, though Tyler knew that with how quiet he was being, it wasn’t going to be something small.

\-----

Tyler had never experienced something like this before. He wasn’t expecting it, so he wasn’t prepared to fight it. Blurryface had demanded control before, but he had never tried to take it. Tyler was always able to push him down, hold him back enough that he wouldn’t even be in a position to try. He had never considered it a real threat, so when he began demanding he have control while they had the house to themselves, Tyler ignored him, focusing on the notebook balanced on his lap.

And either he had grown weaker or Blurryface had grown stronger, because before Tyler could even begin to defend himself, he felt as if a ladder had been kicked out from underneath him, and he was falling. Falling, back into nothingness, terrified. And as soon as the sensation had started, it was over. But something was wrong.   
  
He wasn’t himself, or, he wasn’t in control of himself. It was like looking through a thick glass, the world outside distinguishable, but blurry. Panic rose in his chest, turning into fear when he heard a laugh. Not just in his head, as he was used to, but ringing in his ears. Tyler tried to cower away from the sound, shrinking inwards and bringing his arms up to protect himself. His arms didn’t move. He tried again, and still, nothing happened. The controls to his body were locked safely away from him, impossible to access.

Blurryface hummed, and Tyler could feel it in his throat. He hadn’t made that noise, but he could feel it. He didn’t know what was going on, and he was scared. What was happening?

As if he could read his thoughts, Blurry spoke. “Ah, Tyler. It’s not so fun when the tables are turned, now is it?” The voice was low, rough, and threatening, much deeper than Tyler's was.

“What are you doing?” Tyler’s voice shook, or, what he thought was his voice. He wasn’t sure.

“I wanted a turn. You were never going to let me have one, so I took matters into my own hands. Which, speaking of, are very useful.” He walked across the room, opening the door despite Tyler’s protests. Josh was getting off work early today; he’d be home soon.

“Oh, don’t you worry about your boyfriend. He’ll be gone soon enough.” Tyler tried to protest, but Blurry hushed him effortlessly. “Why don’t you come have a look with me?”

Tyler felt a pull, like his entire body was being hauled upwards, floating and flying into the sky. Everything was white for a split second, and then he was back where he belonged. Sort of. It was like he was looking out one eye, Blurryface looking out the other, their shared mind processing the split images together, presenting Tyler with a unique and terrifying view of the world. He tried to move, but found he was just an observer, not a pilot.

“No, none of that for you. You can’t be trusted with power, though I don’t mind sharing the view with you.” His face stretched into a twisted smile, and Tyler found himself wanting to run.

Blurry paused halfway down the hall, considering, before he turned around and went into the spare room. He surveyed the room, heading over to the closet and rummaging through some of the boxes stacked inside, cursing when he didn’t find what he was looking for. Tyler was alarmed to hear those words in his own voice; he rarely cursed.

Blurry inspected a few more of the boxes in the room, finally finding what he was looking for in a box labelled “Halloween.” He held up a tube of black paint that Tyler had used to paint himself as a skeleton for halloween a few years back. He was sure the paint had gone bad by now, but Blurry didn’t seem to care.

He removed Tyler’s jacket, throwing it carelessly to the side of the room. Tyler felt sick at the sight of his bare arms, scarred and red, the band of black on his forearm the only part of his skin that was untouched. Humming a tune that Tyler didn’t know, he uncapped the paint, squeezing it out into his hands. The components of the paint had separated, but Blurry mixed it back together between Tyler’s palms, spreading the thick paint across his hands and up his wrists.

He picked up the paint again, darkening what was already on his hands, and smearing more around his neck, humming softly as he did so. Apparently satisfied, he dropped the paint to the ground. Tyler winced, knowing it was going to stain the carpet. That stuff never fully dried.

Blurryface entered the bathroom, flipping on the light, leaving behind black smudges. He looked in the mirror, Tyler seeing his own reflection, but not in control of the movements. He looked scary. Black paint on his hands and neck, a twisted smile and leering eyes staring back. For a moment, Tyler swore his irises were red, but the illusion lasted for only a second. He shivered, scared of his own image. He didn’t like this.

Blurry spoke, looking down at his freshly painted hands rather than at the mirror. “I need to create an image for myself. I’ve been thinking of this one for a while. Looks nice, don’t you think?” He paused for Tyler to answer, but sighed when he got none. “This is going to be no fun if you’re going to be boring, Tyler.”

Tyler remained quiet, refusing to acknowledge the being that had taken over his body. He wasn’t strong enough to fight back,

Blurry sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. “Hm, if you won’t speak, then I think it’s time we have some fun. What do you say?” He cackled, leaving the bathroom and heading towards the kitchen. Tyler tried fighting, knowing what his objective was. He didn’t want this, no. Not when it wasn’t by his choice. He didn’t want to get hurt.

When fighting had no effect, Tyler reverted to begging, bargaining that Blurryface could do whatever he wanted, as long as he didn’t hurt Tyler. He smiled, opening a drawer and pulling out a knife. “Oh, but this is what I want to do. If you won’t show him how fucked up you are, then I will.” Tyler winced at the curse, still hating hearing it come out in his own voice.

Blurry walked around the kitchen, checking drawers to see if there was a weapon he’d prefer other than the one he’d chosen, but found no other suitors. Sitting himself down on the floor between the kitchen and the living room, he inspected the knife, running his thumb over the edge to test how sharp it was. Satisfied, he grinned. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” He lowered the blade to Tyler’s arm, just below his tattoo, and pressed down roughly.

Tyler started screaming, thrashing against the restraints Blurryface had put on him as the knife cut into his arm over and over, the pain infinitely worse than when Tyler did it to himself. There was no relief, no comfort in this. There was only pain as the skin split, red appearing in neat lines on his already scarred skin. He wanted out, he wanted control. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to die. He was powerless to stop anything,

Blood was trailing out of the cuts, but Blurry had carefully avoided any major veins. He knew that if Tyler’s body died, so did he. He wouldn’t kill Tyler, but there was nothing stopping him from hurting him. He loved the pain, loved the sting of the blade, the blood running down his arms and dripping onto the living room floor.

He was making a mess, red staining everything around him, clouding his vision, invading his senses. It was fantastic, and he relished in the feeling of control he had over Tyler. Having your own body was a luxury most people took for granted. Blurryface, however, would never take this for granted.

Tyler heard the front door unlock, and Blurryface paused, switching the knife to the other hand. “I think your boyfriend’s home, Tyler. What do you think he’ll think of this mess?” He brought the blade down on Tyler’s right arm, splitting the skin open. Blood started to trickle out of the cut, red mixing with black.

The door opened, and Tyler heard the jingle of keys as Josh came inside, the rustling of a bag indicating he’d brought food back with him. Tyler fought harder, trying to wrestle back control and run before Josh saw anything. The fear overtook him, giving him extra strength, but Blurryface thrived on chaos, and his calm glee was stronger than Tyler’s panic.

“Tyler? I got food, you hungry?” His footsteps moved further into the house, and Tyler knew it was only a matter of seconds before Josh saw him, and everything was over. He stopped fighting, wishing he could close his eyes and disappear. He was going to lose the one good thing he had, and he was going to be alone again. There had been times where he’d wished he was alone, but he knew that he never truly wanted Josh to leave. Now that it was close to happening, he felt hopeless, ready to give in and relinquish control to Blurry until they inevitably destroyed themselves.

Josh was whistling as he walked into the living room, a cheerful sound that stopped abruptly as his eyes landed on Blurryface sitting in the middle of the floor, covered in blood and paint, holding a knife and carefully carving something into Tyler’s skin.

Blurry looked up from his handiwork, a wicked grin on his face. Josh’s face was pale, and he looked sick. Tyler wanted to look away.

“Oh, hello Joshie. We weren’t expecting you home.” Josh was frozen, eyes locked on Blurryface. He dropped the knife and picked up Tyler’s phone, smearing blood and paint on the screen as he unlocked it. “Oh, my mistake, I appear to have missed your message.” Blurryface cackled, throwing the phone to the side. “Care to have a closer look?” He presented Tyler’s arms to Josh, a mix of black and red covering them both.

Blurryface looked down at Tyler’s arms, admiring his work. It was quite beautiful, he thought. He’d taken some creative liberties, and was working on carving out a word onto his arm. It’d leave a nice mark. The black on his hands added a nice touch, as the black worked nicely with the dark red of blood. He quite liked it.

Josh, however, did not seem to appreciate his craftsman ship as much as he did. He wasn’t offended, though. He’d be gone soon enough, and Blurry would be alone with Tyler once more. It was a pain having Josh around, always giving Tyler a false sense of hope. There was no hope for Tyler. He was a goner, and Blurryface had written that very word on his arm for him to remember forever.

Josh finally moved, hand flying to his mouth with a muffled “Oh, god.” He looked like he was going to throw up, or possibly pass out. Blurryface hoped he would.

Josh turned and left, and Blurry could feel Tyler’s despair at the action. He was pathetic.

He picked up the knife again, finishing the word and listening to Tyler cry. He loved this. He never wanted to stop, but knew he had to quit for now if he wanted to stay in this body. There’d be no point in killing Tyler, because without Tyler, there was no Blurryface. So, he set the knife down on the floor and held his arms up once again for inspection. Blood dripped off his elbows and onto his legs. Deciding that he was happy, he stood up, swaying slightly, but otherwise fine. A little blood never bothered him.

He strode over to Josh, who was on the phone with someone in the entryway. “No he, he’s conscious but he, oh god,” he took a deep breath and continued. Blurry could hear the tears in his voice. “There’s so much blood please, please hurry I don’t--I don’t know what to do.” He paused again, head nodding. “Yes, okay, I will.”

Josh turned around, jumping when he saw Blurry behind him. “Tyler! Oh, god I- I called 911, they’re coming to help you’re gonna be okay please, please sit down, let me help you.” Blurryface stared at him, amusement in his eyes. “Tyler doesn’t need help, he’ll be fine.”

Josh shook his head, not bothered by Tyler seemingly referring to himself in the third person. “No, no. Tyler needs help. There’s a lot of blood, I- please, sit down. He needs help, I can help.” Josh was begging, and Blurry loved the sound of it.

“Oh, Josh. He cares so much for you, I suppose I can see why, though I still think it’s foolish. He’s a freak, Josh, look what he’s done to himself!” He presented his arms to Josh once more, who immediately paled and looked away. Blurryface cackled, loving how weak he was.

“I- I don’t know what you want but, please, let me help. Those are still bleeding, they need to be cleaned I can help, I-”

Blurry held up the knife, pointing it at Josh with a sneer. “You stay away, this is my body now. I’m allowed to do whatever I want.” Josh held his hands up in surrender, eyes wide. He backed up, but Blurryface held the knife steady as blood continued to slowly run down his arms.

He started speaking quietly, and Blurryface narrowed his eyes, not liking what he was hearing.

“Tyler, I know you’re in there somewhere. The real Tyler. Please come back, let me help you. I won’t hurt you, please. I can help, I want to help. There’s an ambulance on its way, they’re going to help you. They can’t help you if you’re trying to hurt them. They can’t help you if you won’t let them.” He looked at Blurryface evenly, all past signs of fear now vanished.

Blurry could feel Tyler stirring, struggling against the restraints. He was too weak to win, the state of his physical body affecting his mind. Josh was giving him power, and that was the last thing Blurryface wanted Tyler to have. He hated Josh for that, hated that he could give Tyler so much strength against him. But, he knew that without help, Tyler could be at risk. He hated Josh even more for being right, but he knew that he couldn’t let himself be known when the ambulance arrived.

“You’re lucky I don’t want him to die just yet.” And with that, Blurryface relinquished control to Tyler, giving up his power in a rush that made Tyler’s head spin as he was rocketed back into the driver’s seat. The knife fell from his fingers, clattering against the ground as Tyler’s knees buckled and he went down too.

The door opened as he hit the ground, commotion surrounding him and clouding all his senses. Wow, he was tired. He hadn’t been ready to be launched back into control so suddenly, and the change of power had left him feeling confused and tired.

Josh was saying something about keys and cars to one of the medics, but Tyler was too tired to know what he was talking about. He hurt, and he just wanted to sleep. His head was pounding, and his arms were on fire. Please, he just wanted to be left alone. Blurryface had worn him out, and he needed to rest.

Someone was calling his name, telling him he would be okay as someone lifted him up, settling him onto something vaguely uncomfortable. He kept his eyes closed, tired out from fighting against his own mind. Suddenly being back in control had left him dazed, and he wasn’t sure how to work his body anymore.

There were flashing lights and voices, someone yelling at him to stay awake. Annoyed, he opened his eyes, realising the sky above him was moving, the gurney under him bumping over the sidewalk.

He was fine, everyone was overreacting. He hadn’t even lost that much blood. Very few of the cuts would need stitches, he wasn’t going to die. He tried to communicate this with them, but they shushed him, putting an oxygen mask over his face and telling him he would be fine. He was frustrated, wanting to insist to them that yes, he was fine. Patch him up and send him on his way, he was in no danger. He just needed a nap.

The medics, of course, wouldn’t believe him.  They were convinced he had lost too much blood. They were stupid. It looked worse than it really was, he knew that. This wasn’t his first time. He wasn’t lightheaded, he was just tired, and annoyed, and his arms hurt.

Great, now he would have a medical bill to deal with, and Josh was going to move out. Fantastic. Blurryface was silent on the matter, but Tyler could feel his gloating pride at his accomplishment.

The doctors at the hospital cleaned his arms of blood and paint, stitching up five of the cuts, bandaging his arms and leaving him alone in a room, hooked up to various beeping machines and oxygen. He could breathe just fine, so he took off the nose cannula as soon as he was left alone, throwing it off the edge of the bed. The movement pulled at his arms and he winced.

Josh was sitting in the corner of the room, but jumped up when he saw Tyler move. “No, Tyler! Don’t take that off, it’ll help. Please.” He rushed to the side of the bed, picking up the tubes from where Tyler had dropped them off the side of the bed. He offered them back, and Tyler looked at him with eyes narrowed, finally sighing and looking away in defeat. “Fine,” he mumbled, allowing Josh to slip the plastic back over his ears. It was unpleasant and tickled his nose, but if it was what Josh wanted, he’d deal.

“Please try to stay still, you don’t want to reopen anything.” Josh sounded worried, genuine concern in his eyes. Blurry reminded him to not believe it, that it was all fake, and he’d be gone soon enough. Tyler turned away, mumbling that he was going to sleep. Josh nodded understandingly, “Sleep would be good, yeah. Um, yeah.” He turned awkwardly and returned to his seat in the corner, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket.

Tyler closed his eyes, exhausted. He could stay here and sleep for a while. Blurry was always more subdued in a hospital, so it was a good place to sleep uninterrupted.

Tyler didn’t get to rest for long, however. A doctor returned shortly after he had started to doze off, spouting something about psychosis and a psychotic episode. Words like schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, suicidal, and dangerous rang through the air, giving him a headache. Could they please leave? This was all unnecessary. There was nothing here they could tell him that he didn’t already know. If someone would just let him sleep, that would be prime.

But, no such luck. He opened his eyes in annoyance, looking at the doctor who was now speaking to Josh, asking that he step into the hall while he spoke to Tyler privately.

Yeah, sure. Ask him to leave after you start diagnosing the guy in the hospital bed.

“No, he stays.” Tyler spoke, and they both turned to look at him. “Oh, good! You’re awake. Now, if you could just read over this,” the doctor hurried over and handed Tyler a clipboard. He wondered what had happened to the doctor that cared for him last time he was here. He was much nicer.

He looked over the papers, nearly rolling his eyes when he saw what they were. They wanted to admit him to a psych ward, but Tyler refused, saying he was fine. He lied his way through the evaluation they gave him, Blurryface pissed off and whispering in the back of his mind. He would not be locked up. After some debate between him and the doctors, he was discharged. The stitches would dissolve on their own, so Tyler left with only instructions to keep his wounds clean and bandaged while they healed. He shrugged them off, having been through this before.

The drive home was quiet, Tyler refusing to meet Josh’s worrying eyes. He was fine, he’d lived through worse. He just wasn’t ready to have the conversation that was coming. He wasn’t ready for Josh to leave, to say he couldn’t live with something like this and had to move somewhere else, maybe even back to Los Angeles. Anything to get away from the disaster that was Tyler Joseph.

Deciding sleep was the easiest way to avoid the situation, Tyler drew his legs up on the seat, resting his head against his knees and closing his eyes, enjoying the gentle sway of the car as Josh drove.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello sorry I'm the actual worst. I have no real excuse. Life's been crazy. College has been hell. I'm really sorry I just vanished. I had this chapter almost entirely written, but then just hit a major writers block. I've had the tab open for months, just staring at me and reminding me every day that I've been neglecting it. 
> 
> Long story short, all motivation to do anything has disappeared. School has majorly picked up and drained all my time and energy. I'll probably start writing regularly again next month. I finish this semester on the 11th so after then it should be normal again hopefully. Pls don't take what I say as law tho. I try my best but I can't make promises. 
> 
> ANYWAYS I wrote the ending to this super rushed bc I knew I would never ever finish if I just didn't sit down and do it without thinking so. I hope it isn't too awful xoxo. Thanks for waiting ^^ ily
> 
> if you miss me you can always follow my [twitter](http://twitter.com/vessxll)

Tyler was sat at the kitchen table, staring down a can of redbull and shaking his leg nervously. He didn’t want to have this talk, but he knew it would happen eventually. It was better to get it out of the way now, so he could stop worrying and get it over with.

Tyler heard Josh’s door open and he concentrated harder on his drink, anxiety building in his stomach. He kept his eyes down as Josh pulled out the chair across the table, sitting down and looking at Tyler with worry. “Ty, are you okay? What’s this about?” Tyler didn’t look up, feeling tears burning at the back of his eyes. 

“I-” his voice cracked, and he pulled at the edge of his bandages, a harsh reminder of what had happened. He blinked rapidly, trying to gather himself enough to speak. When he did, his voice was barely a whisper. “I guess you’ll want to move out now.” 

The reality of what was going to happen was too much to bear, and Tyler wiped hastily at his tears. Josh hadn’t responded, so Tyler forced himself to speak, voice breaking as he realised this was happening, Josh was going to move out. 

“I’ll- I’ll talk to Daniel, tell him you’re leaving. You don’t have to worry about your rent for this month, I can cover it it’ll be okay. I’ve been a terrible roommate a-and I did this, it’s my fault s-so it’s, it was my fault so i’ll pay it’s my responsibility. I can, I can help you find somewhere new unless,” he sniffled and wiped at his nose, embarrassed. “Unless you never want to see me again which, I-I understand that I know why you would hate me, it’s okay. I’m disgusting I know, I’m toxic and dangerous and I’m messed up and I’m a freak and, and you shouldn’t have to deal with that.  
  
“So I’ll -I’ll help you pack, and get everything together and, I’ll get out of your life so you don’t have to ever talk to me again or, look at my arms and, and you won’t have to know how messed up and disgusting I am. I’m sorry that this happened I’m, I’m sorry that you came home and I’m sorry that you had to see everything. I’m sor-” 

“Tyler,” 

“No, I’m sorry, I understand it’s okay I really, I really understand. I’d want to leave too I’d get as far away from me as I could I,” He was crying, and had to stop as he was interrupted by a sob, but once he started, he couldn’t stop. He was embarrassed for Josh to be seeing him at his weakest once again, but he figured it wouldn’t matter if Josh never saw him again. 

“Tyler, please listen to me, please. I’m not going anywhere. Why would I? You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

Tyler shook his head, not believing him. “No, no, no no no no, you hate me, I’m repulsive. You saw my arms! You saw how ugly they are! How ugly I am!” Josh’s chair scraped against the floor as he got up, rounding the table and kneeling next to Tyler. 

“Please, look at me, Tyler.” He reached out and took Tyler’s hands gently in his own, trying to coax him into looking at him. Tyler kept his eyes down, shoulders shaking. Josh squeezed his hands gently, speaking quietly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not moving out, I’m not leaving. I like it here, and I’m staying. If you’ll let me, that is. But please just, just listen to me. Look at me Tyler, please.” 

Tyler pulled his arm away, wiping carefully at his eyes and looking up to meet Josh’s. “I- what?” His brow furrowed and he sniffed. “I- I don’t understand.” 

“I’m staying here. I’m not moving out. You haven’t scared me. This,” Josh turned Tyler’s arms to face upwards, “this doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make you a freak. Nothing that has happened makes me think any different of you. I don’t know um, I don’t know what you’ve got going on, I don’t know what demons you have, but they don’t scare me. They don’t bother me, Tyler. We all have our demons, we all have things we have to fight. Some just have more to fight than others.” 

“You don’t get it! I’m disgusting, I’m ugly! I’ve torn open my skin willingly for years, I’ve got voices in my head that speak to me, they never shut up. They want me to be dead, but they don’t want me to die because if I die, they die with me! They’ve ruined my life, pushing away everything that’s ever been important to me! I’m left with nothing, and they’re going to take you too. He made me do this,” Tyler thrust his arms forward, tears running down his face again. “He made me do this! He wanted you to see, he wanted you to know how ugly I am, he wanted you to see who I am. He was right. I’m awful, you shouldn’t stay. It’ll only get worse, he’ll only get worse. He’ll make me hurt you! He’ll hurt you until you’re gone.” 

Tyler’s words eventually lapsed into indistinguishable sobs, withdrawing both his hands and hiding his face in them. Josh reached up and hesitantly rested his hand on Tyler’s back, rubbing small circles in the hopes of calming the panicked boy down. “Shhh, it’s okay. Tyler, it’s okay. Shhh…” 

When Tyler had calmed slightly, Josh spoke again. “Can you um, come with me?” Tyler looked up in alarm, confused. “Where?” His voice was rough. 

“Just into the living room. I want to show you something.” 

Tyler looked at Josh, considering. Blurry warned him not to go with, but Tyler ignored him, deciding that he would take his chances with Josh. If he hadn’t run yet, then maybe he wasn’t going to. Maybe. 

Josh led Tyler carefully into the living room, sitting him down on the couch and settling across from him. Tyler drew his legs up under himself, looking at Josh expectantly and sniffling.   
  
Josh looked down, wringing his hands together. “Um,” he started, and Tyler tilted his head, confused. Josh paused, looking like he didn’t know how to get the words out. He was nervous, and Blurry cackled, claiming that he had been right. He was going to try and break the news to Tyler now. He actually was leaving, everything he had just said was a lie. He didn’t know why he had to take him to a different location to tell him he was moving out and leaving him alone, but Tyler didn’t have time to worry about that. 

He choked down another sob as the panic rose in his chest once again, tears threatening to spill over for the millionth time that day. He was weak, pathetic. 

Josh glanced up at Tyler, worry filling his eyes when he saw Tyler barely holding it together. “No! Ty, no. I’m not going anywhere, that’s not what this is. Please trust me I, this is just hard to say, okay?” 

Tyler bit his lip and nodded, still not completely trusting him. “Okay,” he whispered. 

Josh took a deep breath and looked down at his hands again. “Listen, I uh, I know what it’s like. I mean, not all of it I, I never really had… voices, I guess. Um, I know what the rest is like. Depression, anxiety.” He paused, struggling to get the next words out. “Self harm, suicide.” He kept his eyes down, and Tyler could hear the tears in his voice when he next spoke. He wiped at his own face, no longer worried about himself.

“I tried to take my life, you know? I didn’t think it was worth it, life wasn’t worth living. I wasn’t worthy or deserving of being able to live. I knew the world would be better off without me, so I decided I’d leave it.” Josh didn’t meet Tyler’s eyes as he spoke, and tears dripped onto his jeans. 

Without saying anything, Josh reached out and took Tyler’s hand, placing it gently over his tattoo and releasing his hand. Tyler frowned, unsure of what Josh meant. When he tried to meet his eyes to ask why, Josh looked away and guided his hand gently up and down his arm, letting Tyler feel. He let go of his hand again, and Tyler almost pulled his hand back.

He could feel the rough ridges of old scars, and he looked back at Josh with wide eyes. Josh had his eyes shut, letting Tyler inspect his arm. He felt like he was invading his privacy, now seeing the places that his tattoo was warped where it was covered by scars. Josh was clearly offering to show him, but Tyler couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t supposed to be looking. 

“I covered it up with a tattoo, I was tired of looking at myself and know I had failed. I, at least that’s how I felt. I don’t feel like that as much anymore. It’s part of who I am, I guess.” His voice was quiet, and Tyler withdrew his hand. Josh opened his eyes and looked at Tyler. “I used to think it was something to be ashamed of, that it was a bad thing, and something I needed to hide. That’s why I got the tattoo. I was more focused on covering what I’d done. It helped a bit. I was able to wear short sleeves again. I could show off my arms and for once people would question me about my tattoo, not about the scars. It was freeing, and I learned to slowly accept the marks. They’ll be here forever, and I just had to learn to live with them. I now have a reminder of habits I shouldn’t return to, as well.” 

He paused. “There’s nothing for you to be ashamed of, Tyler. I don’t think any less of you for uh, for what happened. It, it wasn’t good, but things happen, you know? I’d like to help you, if you’d let me. I don’t know how I could help, really, but if you need anything you can talk to me. I know it’s hard and I know you won’t want to and I know you’ll break sometimes but. Please, talk to me if you can. We can watch a movie, or go on a walk, or.” There was a moment of hesitation. “Or I can stay with you for the night, if that would help.” 

Tyler was watching Josh carefully, scared of his words and of the voices in his mind, but a part of him longing to find safety in Josh. He didn’t like relying on people, but he knew that relying on Josh could maybe help. But if Josh left, he would be worse than before. He didn’t know how much he could trust him, but he wanted to.    
  
“I um, thank you.” Tyler mumbled, looking down. He didn’t really know what to say. 

“We can not talk about it, if you want. I just, uh, I want you to know that I’m here for you, I guess.” He laughed quietly. “Ah, that sounds cheesy doesn’t it?” 

Tyler shrugged. “I guess a little, but it’s okay.” He glanced over at Josh, who was looking down at his arms, brow slightly furrowed. Tyler moved to sit closer to Josh, leaning over to wrap his arms carefully around his broad shoulders. Josh stiffened, but relaxed against Tyler, tilting his head to rest it against his. They remained that way for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe.   
  
Tyler was the one to speak first. “I’m sorry I’m so messed up. I’ll get better, I will. I’ll get help and I’ll stop soon and I-” Josh cut him off, lifting his head off Tyler’s and pushing him away gently so he could look him in the eyes. “Don’t force yourself, Tyler. You can take it step by step. You don’t need to rush. Do this for yourself, not for me. I’ll be here to help you, but please, do this for yourself.” 

Tyler nodded and looked away. “I, okay.” He didn’t have a reason to do anything for himself. He’d do it for Josh. He’d do it so Josh wouldn’t get hurt, not so that he wouldn’t get hurt. He didn’t matter, it was Josh who mattered. Tyler wouldn’t be able to stand it if he drove away that bright smile and curly blue hair. He was so kind, and Tyler didn’t want to lose him. So, he would get better for Josh, not for himself. But Josh didn’t need to know that. 

“You deserve good things, Tyler.” Josh said gently, and Tyler looked back at him. He smiled at the other boy, not believing him, but still glad Josh thought so. “You do too. You deserve so many nice things, and I can’t give you a lot of them but I still think you deserve them. You should be happy, and I-I hope you’re happy living here.”    


Josh smiled, his eyes crinkling. “I am happy here. I’m glad I got to meet you, Tyler Joseph. I think moving here was the best thing for me to do. Well, moving anywhere would be better than living on the streets or on someone’s couch, but I think meeting Mark and then getting to meet you was the best possible alternative. Out of everywhere I could have gone, I’m glad I ended up here, with you.” His cheeks were pink when he finished talking, and Tyler smiled a little. Josh was cute. 

Maybe a little messed up, but he was still cute. Plus, he was better now. He’d gotten better from the impossible, so maybe Tyler could as well. Or, he could at least achieve some level of normal functionality. 

The blush was still fading from Josh’s cheeks when Tyler spoke. “Yeah. It’s less lonely now.” He felt Blurry’s annoyance at saying that, he was always there to keep him company, Tyler just didn’t appreciate him enough. 

Josh was still staring at Tyler, but looked away as soon as Tyler glanced up at him. “What?” 

The blush returned. “Nothin.”   
  
Tyler’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe you. What’s up?” 

Josh shrugged, going back to picking at the hem of his shirt. “Nothing, I promise.”

“You’re lying.”

Josh sighed quietly and looked back up at Tyler. “I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking a lot, I guess.” 

“Thinking about what?” Tyler asked, immediately feeling like he shouldn’t have asked. Who was he to invade on Josh’s personal life?

Josh swallowed, his throat clicking. He still didn’t meet Tyler’s eyes. “About you.”

Tyler’s brow furrowed, and he tilted his head slightly. “Me?” He was a little confused. 

Josh shook his head. “It’s nothing, nevermind. I don’t know what I’m saying.” He stood up, moving as if he was going to leave. 

Tyler stood up after him, reaching out to grab Josh’s arm. “Wait! Where are you going?” Josh pulled his arm away, a flash of something Tyler couldn’t quite recognise in his eyes. 

“I have to go. Please, forget I said anything. It was stupid, anyways.” 

“Josh, I, I don’t know what you’re talking about. What’s wrong? Did something happen? Did I say something?”

Josh shook his head repeatedly, and Tyler pulled on his shoulder to turn him around to face him. “You can talk to me, if-if you need to?” Tyler had no idea what was going on. 

Josh seemed to snap, something that looked like hurt, or maybe desperation, flaring up in his eyes. “It’s you! It’s you, okay! Everything is you! I can’t stop thinking about you! You’re so… Frustrating! Tyler Joseph you are incredibly frustrating! You’re confusing, and stubborn, and mysterious, but if you’re not the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen. I’ve lived with you for months but I hardly know anything about you. You keep everything in your life a secret, even your music!” 

Tyler’s eyes widened. He didn’t know Josh knew about that. He was always very careful to stop playing when Josh came home. He didn’t like people hearing his music, he didn’t think it was very good. It was personal, and he hated being vulnerable like that. 

“I just. I want to know you. I like you Tyler, but I don’t really know you. I keep thinking about you, but I don’t even know who you are sometimes. You’re always in my head, but I don’t know if it’s actually you. It’s a version of you I’ve made for myself, but that’s not enough. I mean, it’s enough if it has to be, but I don’t know if that’s what you want. I don’t know what you want. I don’t even think you like me, you probably regret having me as your roommate and always getting in your way, but I don’t know. Maybe you hate me, maybe you don’t. I don’t have a way to know how you feel, but I know how I feel. I like you, Tyler. More than just in the friend way. In a more than friends way. It’s dumb, I know. I hate myself for even saying this to you right now, but I’m just so  _ frustrated! _ I don’t know what to do anymore, so I’m sorry if now things are going to be weird between us, or if you want me to move out, or if I’ve completely ruined everything but I just can’t be quiet anymore I can’t keep wondering if I’m imagining things or if maybe, maybe you like me too.” He stopped and took a deep breath, eyes searching. Tyler watched as his face fell, and he spoke again. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re probably uncomfortable, I- I’m going to take a walk, or something.”

Tyler was frozen. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to react. So he did the last thing he ever thought he’d do. He reached out and pulled the other boy towards him, uncoordinatedly pressing his lips against Josh’s, his heart racing in his chest. There was a split second where neither of them knew what to do, and they were both frozen still, lips pressed together but neither of them moving. 

He’d never kissed someone before. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. Did he stay like this? Was he supposed to do something? Where did his hands go? He felt panic starting to rise, thinking that maybe he’d made the wrong move. Crap, crap crap he’d messed up he- 

Josh’s hands came up to rest on Tyler’s back, and he kissed the smaller boy back. Tyler felt all the panic in him melt away, replaced by waves of calm and comfort. 

The panic settled, and instinct kicked in. Tyler moved his lips against Josh’s. Slowly at first, but gradually building in intensity. Josh’s hand was on the small of Tyler’s back, pressing him against his chest, and Tyler’s hand was resting on the back of Josh’s neck, unsure of what else to do. It was comfortable, and now fireworks seemed to be going off inside Tyler’s stomach. He felt lightheaded, in the best possible way. 

Josh pulled back with a soft smacking sound, and they were left to stare at each other, both breathing faster than usual. The blue haired boy looked stunned. 

“Holy…” He breathed, trailing off. Tyler didn’t know what to say in response, so he just stared at the boy he’d just kissed, wanting nothing more than to rush back in to hug him and bury his head against his neck. He restrained himself, though. 

Josh chuckled, startling Tyler. “I guess I was worried for nothing, then.” The corners of Tyler’s mouth quirked up into a smile. “Guess so.”

Josh laughed again. This time it was him who pulled Tyler in for a kiss, and Tyler thought maybe things were going to be okay for him after all. If someone like Josh was willing to kiss him, what other impossible things could happen?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so patient with me. I'm not confident in my writing at all, so it takes AGES to write just one chapter. I don't think I'm really that great at writing fluff,, I think im a lot better at the darker more messed up stuff but :/ tell me what you think pls, and don't be afraid to be brutally honest I need feedback. 
> 
> Based off this fic it may seem like I am dead, but you can follow me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/vessxll) where I'm always active! 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing fantastic, and I hope to have another chapter up without a month wait this next time ^^ Enjoy!
> 
> tw for mentions and vague descriptions of sh! be safe please

Blurryface was pissed. This was not supposed to happen, this is not how it was supposed to happen. Josh was supposed to leave, get out of their lives forever. He’d worked tirelessly to get rid of him, enacted a brilliant plan that surely should have scared him off. It had failed, and that left Blurry angrier than he had been in a long time. His plans did not fail, that was simply part of life. But somehow, impossibly, this one had. 

Josh was like a pest--unwanted and impossible to get rid of. He’d had the displeasure of meeting him face to face, and yet still Josh insisted that he stay. Unbelievable. If he couldn't get rid of him through Tyler, he would have to do it directly. It would be messy and unpleasant for Tyler, but Blurry got the feeling that he would be having a lot of fun with this new idea. It didn’t matter what Tyler thought, he would be mostly irrelevant soon anyways.

He’d find a way to seize control, and Tyler would be confined to the back of his mind, just like he’d tried to force Blurry into for years. It’s time the tables were turned. He was going to be the one in charge, at long last. He had let Tyler maintain his weak control for far too long. He was ready for his turn, now.

Barricading himself into a dark corner of Tyler’s mind, he started to plan. He’d stay silent for a while, let Tyler enjoy the wretched happiness he’d suddenly found. Blurryface wasn’t as merciless as people thought him to be. He’d allow Tyler to have a few moments of happiness in his last days. Soon enough, it would be his turn to rule. That would be when the real fun started. 

\-----

Tyler was unnerved by the sudden silence in his mind. He did not trust this, not one bit. It was never good when the voices in his head went quiet. Not just Blurryface, but all of his minions as well. Total silence. The only thoughts in his head were his own. It freaked him out, he was not used to this. It rarely happened, and when it did, it always led to bigger trouble. Last time, he had ended up in the ICU for a week. 

Tyler sat up and looked around his room, affirming that there were no monsters lurking as an unpleasant gift from the silence in his mind. There was nothing he could immediately see, so he threw the covers off and his feet hit the cold floor. It was getting colder with each passing day, and Tyler shivered as he searched for a shirt to throw on. 

The bandages still on his arms caught on the shirt sleeves, and he winced slightly. He knew they should be removed soon to allow his cuts to heal, but Tyler was nervous about facing the fresh marks on his skin. When his arms were neatly bandaged, he had an excuse to have all of the faded scars on his skin hidden, as well as whatever damage he’d last done to himself. It was better to keep it hidden away, for the sake of everyone. He was always worried about triggering himself, or giving Blurry ideas, when he had to face the bright red marks on his arms.

Tyler crossed the room and opened his door, listening carefully to see if Josh was home. It sounded too quiet. Maybe he was still asleep? Tyler checked the time on his phone and frowned as he headed into the hall. It was nearly noon, Josh normally didn’t sleep so late. 

Tyler wandered up to Josh’s door, standing in front of it and listening for signs of life before he reached out to knock. Josh only worked evenings, so if he wasn’t in his room, Tyler had no idea where he was. It made him a little nervous, he liked to keep track of what was going on around him. And, if he was being honest, he missed Josh a bit. 

It remained quiet for a few heartbeats after he had knocked, and Tyler called out hesitantly “Josh?” There was a moan, and the sound of covers rustling. A few seconds later, the door swung open and Tyler was greeted by his very sleepy looking, very shirtless roommate. 

Josh yawned and stretched his arms above his head, and Tyler’s eyes were locked on his chest. He generally didn’t curse, but holy  _ shit. _ His eyes snapped up when Josh put his arms down and tilted his head at Tyler. “Tyler? What’s up?” Tyler’s mouth opened, but no words came out. Why did he wake Josh up? He’d forgotten. Did he even have a reason in the first place? He had no idea. 

“I uh, didn’t know if you were up. Sorry if I woke you.” He could feel his cheeks turning pink.

“Nah, you’re good. What time is it anyways?”

  
“Nearly noon.” 

Josh raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Damn. Didn’t expect to sleep so late. Sorry about that. I can get some breakfast going if you’d like. Though I guess it’s more of a lunch now, isn’t it?” 

Tyler shook his head. “No, I can do it.” He hadn’t cooked for himself in quite some time, and figured today was going to be as good a day as any. If he was going to be around knives and fire, he’d rather it be on a day when Blurryface wasn’t out to get him. 

“Are you sure? It’s really no bother for me. I enjoy cooking.” 

Tyler shook his head. He wanted to do this for once. “No, I can do it.”

Josh smiled widely. “If you’re sure! I’ll be right out.” 

Tyler started preparing food in a hurry, deciding their technical brunch would be more breakfast than lunch themed. He was worried that Blurryface would appear out of nowhere and decide to take control, but he grew more comfortable as time went on. Before long, he was sitting in front of various plates and bowls filled with eggs, french toast, potatoes, and slightly overcooked bacon. It would have to do. 

He looked down at his arms as he waited for Josh to get out of the shower. His bandages definitely needed to come off soon, or at the very least be changed. He didn’t want to face what had happened, he didn’t want to see the ugly marks. He especially didn’t want to see the word that had been carved into his skin; goner. The word made him uneasy, but also felt comfortable in an odd sort of way. It had a melancholy feel to it, like meeting an old friend with whom you weren’t sure where you stood, as you hadn’t talked in years. 

It was an oddly pretty word, etched in angry red against his tanned skin. Quite the contrast. Regardless, he didn’t want to see it. No matter how much the word was enthralling to him, he didn’t want to see it on his skin. He didn’t want the safety of the bandages gone. 

Maybe Josh would be able to help him. Josh was safe. If he took off the bandages, maybe Tyler would still feel safe. But he didn’t want to leave Josh with that. He didn’t want him to feel obligated to fix and take care of his mess of a roommate. It wasn’t his job to baby Tyler, remind him to take his medicines and change his dressings. Tyler was an adult, and that was his own responsibility. He couldn’t ask Josh to do that for him. 

Besides that, things were finally looking up. Tyler liked Josh, Josh liked Tyler. Tyler kissed Josh, and Josh had kissed him back. He thought about that a lot, and though it hadn’t happened again since, Tyler knew that it wouldn’t be the last. He usually was not one to be so hopeful about such things, but something told him that wouldn’t be the last time he got a chance to kiss Josh Dun.

He didn’t want to ruin whatever was happening by reminding Josh of his mistakes. Josh had been the one to walk in on Blurryface intentionally destroying Tyler’s body, he had been the one to call 911, he had accompanied him to the hospital, and drove him back home. He’d done enough already, and though he had told Tyler that he wasn’t bothered, he was sure that he wanted to forget about the incident just as much as Tyler wanted to. 

And so even though Tyler doubted his own ability to move forward with healing, he was unwilling to ask Josh for any more help. If he wasn’t careful, he would become nothing but an annoying burden that Josh would have to constantly care for. He couldn’t do that. 

He’d take off the bandages himself, or ask Jenna to help if he really couldn’t stand to do so on his own. He wouldn’t ask Josh. He’d keep them clean and covered with long sleeves, regardless of the temperature. It was getting colder out now, anyways. He could get away with it. He wouldn’t let Josh see. Josh would never again have to see reminders of what his weird roommate had done. He wouldn’t have to remember walking in on Tyler covered in blood and paint, grinning manically and wielding a knife. 

The water turned off and a head full of damp blue curls emerged from the bathroom not long after, interrupting Tyler’s thoughts. “I’ll be right in! Gotta put a shirt on.” Tyler was still too caught up in his own mind to reply. 

Josh was seated at the table a few minutes later, practically drooling over all the food Tyler had laid out. “It looks amazing, Ty!” Tyler felt a warmth in his chest at the nickname. 

“Thanks, I just hope it tastes good.” He knew was great at presentation, but not always so great at the actual taste part of cooking. Arguably the most important, but what could you do about it, sometimes he just didn’t know when stuff was fully cooked.

“I’m sure it will! C’mon, let’s load up these plates.” 

Tyler “loaded up” his plate, but with considerably less food than Josh had. He never seemed to be able to match that boy’s appetite. They ate mostly in silence, but comfortable silence. They seemed to have a lot of that. 

Josh was standing to put his dishes away when Tyler stopped him. “Wait,” The blue haired boy turned around to look at Tyler. Without thinking, he blurted out “Do you think you could help me? I uh, I need to get these bandages off. Or, change them at least.” 

He immediately felt regret upon seeing Josh hesitate to answer, and stumbled to apologise. “No, nevermind. It’s okay, I can do it. I’m sorry for asking, it was dumb. You don’t want to see, I understand. I’ll ask Jenna to help, I was going to ask her anyways. I don’t know what got into me, I’m sorry, stupid question.” It was amazing how easily he was made to feel bad about himself, even without the help of whispering voices. 

He was wringing his hands together, but was stopped by Josh’s hands gently holding Tyler’s in his own. “It’s not a problem, Tyler . I can help you if you need. Do you want me to put new bandages on, or just take them off for you?” 

“B-best to leave them off. It heals better that way.” That, and he wouldn’t have to ask Josh for help again. The other boy smiled brightly, his eyes crinkling in the way that made Tyler’s heart all but melt. He noted that Josh had puppy dog eyes. “Help me get these dishes cleaned up and we’ll see what we can do about your bandages.” 

Josh seemed to be considering something before he leaned in to leave a quick kiss on Tyler’s cheek before letting go of his hands and escaping to the sink to clean up. Tyler was left momentarily frozen at the table, feeling the spot where Josh’s lips had been burning nicely on his skin. He managed to snap back into reality and bring a stack of plates to wash next to Josh. 

He didn’t know what to say, so he remained quiet, and helped clean up with Josh by his side. He was nervous about what was soon to happen, but all he could do was hope that Josh didn’t unintentionally get hurt by offering to help Tyler out. 

\-----

Josh’s hands were gentle, supporting Tyler’s outstretched arm as he readied to cut off the bandages. Tyler’s palm was facing down, and Josh slid the flat end of the medical scissors against the back of his wrist. Tyler had his eyes closed, but he could feel brown eyes looking at him worriedly. “Are you ready?” 

He nodded, keeping his eyes shut and focusing on his breathing. He was not going to panic, at least not until he was alone.

“Alright, here we go.” Tyler’s entire body tensed when he heard the blades cut through the fabric. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready to see the damage that had been done. He hadn’t seen it since he’d been stuck in the back of his own mind, watching terrified through a distant window as he destroyed his own body. 

It wasn’t until he felt his arm back at his side and Josh’s hands on his shoulders that he realised he was shaking, breathing on the edge of hyperventilating. Josh was speaking quietly, gently squeezing his shoulders. “Ty, it’s okay. Open your eyes and look at me when you can, please. You’re alright, please come back to me.” Tyler blinked open his eyes, immediately being met by soft brown ones, filled with worry. 

“We don’t have to rush this. If you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this now. We can wait, do it another day. You’ve got time.” 

Tyler was filled with a sudden fierce panic, different than before. He needed this done, now. It was now or never. He would not be defeated by something as simple as bandages. He grabbed onto Josh’s wrist, squeezing tightly and feeling the strain from under his bandages.. “No. I’m doing this now.  _ You’re  _ doing this now. I want them off.” Josh winced slightly, and all of the anger and panic vanished from Tyler’s body. His voice softened. “Crap, I’m sorry.” 

He took a deep breath, trying to regain some sort of emotional stability. Hah, good one. Still, he managed to reach something that felt somewhat like normalcy, as far as he was aware. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get rough. I just, I need these off. I’m not going to give in, I need them off of me, now.” 

Josh looked even more worried than before, but picked up the scissors once again. Tyler offered one of his arms, and Josh was once again gently supporting it as he moved the scissors back into place. Tyler closed his eyes again, but this time did not even so much as flinch as the scissors cut through the fabric all the way up his arm. The bandage fell away, exposing his skin to the cool air of the bathroom. 

Tyler let his arm fall back to his side, and offered the other to Josh. This was the one that made him most nervous. He felt almost sick to his stomach thinking about the angry red marks that would be revealed under the pristine white bandages. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, keeping them that way until both of his arms were freed. 

“Hey Ty, you’re all done!” Tyler opened his eyes and smiled half heartedly at his roommate. Panic was still settled in his chest like a tight knot, and he didn’t have it in him to be excited. Sure, he’d got past one part, but he still had to clean the wounds, and then learn to face them every day for the rest of his life. 

“I think I’m going to take a shower. Get things uh, cleaned up I guess. Thanks for helping, I’ll be out in a few minutes. Maybe we could watch a movie or something?” Josh nodded and smiled. “Sounds good! I’ll try to find something decent.” He neatly packed away the first aid kit before giving Tyler a few encouraging words and disappearing down the hall. 

Tyler could tell he was still worried. 

\-----

Tyler’s fingertips were starting to look like raisins, and he still had yet to fully see the damage done. He’d seen glimpses of red in his peripheral vision, but couldn’t bring himself to do a full on inspection. Hot water had burned too bad, so he was shivering in what couldn’t even qualify as lukewarm water, trying to convince himself to just look down. All he had to do was look down, and it’d be over with. He couldn’t avoid this forever.

He’d already gently washed his wounds, fingers running gently over the bumps and ridges that were mapped out on his skin. He was used to it. He was used to this. This was not the first time he had returned from hospital with sutures and bandages. He’d done this before. Why was he so scared this time? What was different?   
  
Was it because Josh was here? Because Josh had to see what had happened? 

Tyler didn’t know. 

But he had to look, now.

He closed his eyes. Things were less scary when you closed your eyes, sometimes. He held his arm in front of his face, the one with the word. The one that scared him most. If he could survive seeing it, he’d be able to handle the other. 

He counted to three. He didn’t open his eyes. He took a deep breath and tried again. 

One.

Two. 

Three. 

Open. 

He stared at the stretch of skin in front of him, feeling slightly sick to his stomach. He braced his free arm against the shower wall, just in case. 

Well, it wasn’t as bad as he thought, but it wasn’t good, either. He hadn’t needed stitches in many, but the ones that did were laced with ugly black sutures. His whole arm looked marred, the lines nowhere near as neat as they would’ve been had he done it himself. 

He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the criss crossed marks, and he especially didn’t like the centerpiece of the work--goner. It was obviously done as an afterthought by Blurry, because it was not centred neatly, and the letters were crossed with other marks. 

He lowered his arm, allowing himself to take just a few seconds to inspect the other arm, see how many long term scars he would have. There were significantly more sutures in that arm, meaning he’d likely have some decent damage done once everything was healed up. 

Tyler sighed and cranked up the temperature of the water, hot enough that it was nearly burning his skin. He rested his head on the shower wall, wincing as the heat made his arms sting and his eyes fill with tears. 

Tyler stepped out of the shower and hurried to his room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He threw on the comfiest sweatshirt he owned, hoping the soft fleece inside would make things a bit more comfortable. 

He headed back into the living room, whereupon Josh looked up and smiled brighter than his hair at his entrance. Tyler waited for some remark about how much Blurry hated Josh, momentarily forgetting that his headmate was on what was undoubtedly some sort of messed up vacation. Feeling slightly unsettled, Tyler settled onto the couch, resting his shoulder against Josh’s and pulling his legs up in front of him. He hoped Josh had picked a good movie. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm... oops. this took way too long yet again. super super sorry ): still have very little motivation
> 
> this chapter also took an unexpected turn towards less fluffy things, so sorry about that. i just suck at writing fluff and have to stick to the darker topics apparently. poor ty
> 
> follow me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/vessxll)! or [tumblr](http://vessxll.tumblr.com)! those are links so just click on them and it'll take ya right to my pages. 
> 
> please please leave comments, thats the main thing that motivates me to keep writing. its a huge help in both reminding me and also guilting me into keeping going (which is a good thing!!) so yes tell me what you think, things you'd like to see happen, parts you liked, parts you didn't like, i wanna hear it all!
> 
> thank you for sticking with me. i appreciate it more than you'd think

Tyler hadn’t taken his medications in over a week. Josh wasn’t supposed to know, but he knew anyways. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t know how to confront Tyler about it. Hell, Josh didn’t even know what exactly all the pills on his bedside table were for. He was too afraid to ask; that was definitely something that would be invading way too deep into Tyler’s personal life if he wasn’t openly sharing it. 

He seemed alright, though, so Josh wasn’t overly worried. He spent less time isolated in his room, and more time going to work and doing largely productive activities out of the house. He still played piano often, but the songs were more upbeat, more hopeful than in previous weeks. Josh took that as a good sign. Though, he still refused to play once he was aware Josh was in the house. 

There had been a few nights recently where Tyler had somehow ended up in Josh’s room for the night. It scared the crap out of him the first time. He hadn’t heard the door open at 3 am, and he was startled wide awake when he rolled over and saw a figure standing by his bedside. It had only been Tyler, but that didn’t stop him from nearly having a heart attack. No one ever wanted to see something unknown standing by their bed at 3 am. 

Josh had asked him if anything was wrong, but Tyler didn’t answer the question, instead asking Josh if it was alright if he stayed in his room for the night. It was then that Josh noticed he had carried his duvet all the way into his room, gathered loosely around his waist and dragging behind him. 

His heart fluttered a bit at the thought of sharing a bed with Tyler, but Tyler apparently had other plans. Josh told him it was okay with him if he stayed in his room, but Tyler had just spread his duvet on the floor, somehow folding it to function as a mattress, blanket, and pillow all in one. Josh was impressed, though he doubted the setup was overly comfortable. 

He’d been gone by the time Josh woke up the next morning, but it turned out that he had just gone to work. Josh’s feelings were a lot less hurt once he realised Tyler hadn’t purposefully left him without notice. 

The second time Tyler had stayed in Josh’s room, he didn’t notice until he fell flat on his face after tripping over his roommate’s sleeping form on his floor. It had been a shock for both of them, Josh stuttering and blushing and apologising for waking Tyler, and Tyler groggily rubbing at his eyes and looking generally startled. 

Josh had to try hard to not let his eyes linger on the red lines still crossing Tyler’s arms. He felt guilty.

It wasn’t until later in the day that he realised he had earned himself a nice set of bruises from stepping carelessly out of bed that morning. 

The third night was the best, in Josh’s opinion. He’d been startled awake by the other side of his bed dipping down, and he felt real fear before his brain registered that it was just Tyler climbing into bed next to him. He let his eyes close again as his heart rate slowed, but was snapping them right back open once he had fully processed that thought. 

Tyler. Tyler Joseph. Was. In. His. Bed. 

_ Stay cool, Josh. No worries here, this is fine, this is normal. Totally normal to sleep with your roommate. Not  _ sleep  _ sleep, but sleep, like normal. Just two guys, chillin out in the same bed, getting a good night’s rest. _

This was fine. 

It was fine that Tyler was in his bed, just inches away. It was totally okay. It was okay when his breathing evened out, and Josh was left awake, next to him. It was okay that Josh knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep that night. And it was definitely just fine when Tyler turned over in his sleep and slung one arm over Josh, sighing softly. It was fine. 

Josh was afraid to move. If he moved, he feared that Tyler would shift away from him. He definitely didn’t want that. He liked how this was. Sure, the longer he stayed still the more he wanted to move, but he wasn’t going to let his discomfort ruin this moment. It was nice having someone sleep next to you, and it was even nicer when that person was a cute boy who had his arm resting on you, snoring softly. 

Josh eventually managed to drift off to sleep, despite the nerves. When he dreamed, it was of Tyler, but a happier version. An alternate universe, a smiling face looking back at him, the dissonant sounds of a keyboard, flashing lights, a screaming crowd. 

When he woke up, Tyler was gone, and his hands ached as if he really had drummed all night. 

\-----

Tyler hadn’t stayed in Josh’s room since that last night. Neither of them had brought it up

It was kind of awkward. There hadn’t been any more kisses since that first one, and both of them seemed to be carefully avoiding the situation. Josh had no idea what they were. He doubted Tyler knew, either. They weren’t boyfriends, but they certainly weren’t just friends, either. There was far too much cuddling on the couch and near-kisses for them to be just “friends.” Which, they were, of course, but not in the normal way. There was something more, but it hadn’t quite gotten to adding the “boy” part yet.

In fact, neither of them had really brought up anything. There was never any mention of what was potentially going on between them. Josh had almost mentioned it multiple times, but never had the guts to go through with it. There was a lot of things Josh wanted to bring up but never was able to. Whenever he tried, a million doubts would run through his head, and he’d be physically incapable of speaking up. He’d rehearse the words in his head, sometimes even get so far as to open his mouth. But, once he tried to speak, the words vanished and he’d withdraw back into himself, give Tyler a forced smile if he looked at him questioningly. 

Josh mostly wanted to ask Tyler what was going on. Did Tyler like him? Did he want to just stay friends, or take it further? Did he regret anything that had happened so far? Why hadn’t Tyler taken his medications? What was going on in his head? Did the doctor say he could stop, or did Tyler decide that for himself? It worried him. Everything worried him. Tyler worried him. 

The pills were a more pressing issue than their relationship, however. It still bothered him. He knew he should ask about it, just in case. But he still had no idea how to bring that up. Even if he could come up with a way, he wouldn’t be able to actually ask. Straight up saying “So, why haven’t you taken your meds, Tyler?” seemed far too rude and confrontational. Tyler would likely shut down, refuse to talk to Josh and lock himself up in his room. That wasn’t something Josh wanted. He had to be more tactful, he couldn’t just up and blurt that out. He couldn’t just ask why he had found the orange bottles hiding half full at the bottom of the kitchen trash. 

But, that’s almost exactly what he did. 

It wasn’t planned, and Josh surprised himself when the words slipped out of his mouth. They were just relaxing on the couch, watching reruns on the TV. The thought was nowhere near on Josh’s mind, until suddenly it was. And as soon as it was, it was out in the air, an ugly question proposed within seconds. He blurted it out with no thought, no control. “What happened to your medications?”

Tyler went rigid, and Josh’s breathing stopped. What had he done?

The boy next to him was silent for a few seconds. Josh could see the emotions flashing across his face. Confusion, anger, hurt, then nothing. His face was blank when he spoke, calm, even. It unnerved Josh. “I don’t need them anymore.” He smiled slightly. That unnerved Josh even more. 

“Uh, what do you mean?”   
  
“I mean I don’t need them. So I threw them out. I’m fine, I’ve never felt better. I don’t think I even needed them in the first place.” He was still staring straight ahead, that weird half smile on his face. When he turned to look at Josh, there was a slightly manic look in his eyes. 

“Th-that’s great, Ty. Did your doctor say you could go off them?”

Tyler laughed sharply and shook his head. “No! But what does she know? They were just trying to keep me down, keep me powerless. They wanted my money, too. That’s all doctors want. Doctors, psychologists, all the same thing. They just try to subdue your power and take your money. That’s why I stopped going ages ago. I can’t trust them anymore. They knew I didn’t need those drugs, but they gave them to me anyways. A bunch of liars, they are. I told you, I feel fine now. I’m better than ever.”

Everything Tyler was saying was making Josh very nervous. “Tyler, I don’t thin-” 

“No. you’re not listening to me!” Tyler interrupted him. “You’re just like them! You want me to be held back! You don’t know what it’s like. Everything’s muted, dull, boring. But not without the pills. Everything is clear now, I can see everything. There’s no more voices in my head! The pills made me crazy, Josh! Don’t you see? I’ve been better now because they’re gone. They’re not poisoning me anymore. I’m perfectly healthy on my own. I’m never taking them again, I’m never letting those fake doctors hurt me again.”

This was scaring Josh. He didn’t know what to say. 

Tyler narrowed his eyes at Josh, and the smile he had been half wearing during his monologue dropped from his face. “How did you know I hadn’t taken them? Were you looking in my room? Were you spying on me?”  
  
Josh shook his head quickly. “No, no! I wasn’t, I promise. I just, I was, I saw the bottles in the trash! I didn’t know why you threw them all away, I just assumed you weren’t taking them anymore but I didn’t know for sure. I’m sorry, Tyler I didn’t go in your room I promise.”

The other boy definitely did not believe him. He turned his attention back to the TV, the corners of his mouth turned down. “Just believe me that I’m fine now, okay? I’m all fixed. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

Josh swallowed hard, anxiety twisting his stomach about arguing back. But, he knew he had to. He had to convince Tyler that those meds were helping him. He knew they weren’t fun, he knew how they messed with your emotions and made the world seem dull. The orange bottle in his bedside drawer was nothing unfamiliar to him. But, this Tyler was not Tyler. Something was very wrong. He was having some sort of psychotic break or something. He was delusional, paranoid. Josh had no idea what to do, he was completely lost.   
  
Even now, Josh could see the way his eyes flicked around the room, not focused entirely on the TV, the way his fingers were digging into the couch cushion. He hadn’t noticed that before. How had he not noticed it before? The way he was wary of everything, a mistrust of the world deep in his eyes. 

“Ty, I think you should go talk to a doctor. See what they say. I’ll go with you, make sure you’re safe. If they say you can go off your meds then I won’t argue that. But I really think you should get an opinion from a professional. We can try going to a few, make sure they all agree so not one can lie to you. I have to take medication, too, I know how bad it can suck but it’s not completely terrible is it?”   
  
Josh watched as Tyler’s face went from anger to pure fear. “No! You need to get rid of those! They’re poisoning you, you’re going to die Josh!” 

“Ty, wait, no-” 

Tyler was out of the room before Josh could react. Crap, he moved fast. Tyler was already searching every surface of Josh’s room when he finally ran in after the smaller boy. 

“Where are they? Where are they Josh? Where do you keep them? We have to get rid of them.  _ Now _ . You need to stop taking them before you get hurt!” Tyler was tearing through Josh’s room. He barely even bat an eye at the sex toys that Josh definitely did not have hiding under his bed. He simply dumped the box on the floor, spilling out various brightly coloured objects, but quickly losing interest when he didn’t find what he was looking for. 

Despite his fear of the current situation, Josh was mortified.

Tyler didn’t even hesitate to move on to the bedside drawer, where Josh knew he would find his target. He would worry about that in a moment. At present, he was more worried about hastily throwing everything back into the box and shoving it back under the bed before Tyler turned around and realised what he had uncovered. 

Unlucky for him, Tyler zipped back out of the room with a rattling bottle of pills in his hand before Josh had the chance to stop him. He walked in on Tyler flushing the last of his meds down the toilet. Well, shit. How was he going to explain that one to his doctor? He had a few extras stashed in his travel bathroom bag, but not enough to pretend his roommate hadn’t dumped nearly a full prescription into the pipes of Columbus. 

Tyler was breathing heavy, and threw the now empty bottle into the trashcan. He was poised to run back, but Josh blocked the door, catching Tyler in his arms when he tried to sneak past. He struggled violently, kicking and thrashing against Josh’s hold. “Let me go!! I need to look for more! I need to make sure everything is gone! Everything has to be gone, it needs to be emptied out! We have to get rid of everything, Josh. They’re trying to control you!”

Josh gathered the last of his strength, and shoved Tyler away from him. His small frame hit the floor hard. He felt immediately guilty, but he felt slightly better when Tyler appeared to be unharmed by the fall in the second before Josh slammed the door shut, trapping Tyler in the bathroom. He just needed a few seconds to breathe, to call for help. He couldn’t do this alone, but Tyler wouldn’t rest long enough for Josh to call anyone. This was his only chance. 

He only hoped that there wasn’t enough time for Tyler to break open a razor and take it to his skin before Josh opened the door again. At current however, Tyler was quiet, but pulling on the door handle. He was occupied, at least. Away from any dangers that could be hiding in the bathroom for now. 

Tyler was a lot stronger than he looked. It was taking both hands for Josh to keep the door shut. He barely had time to pull his phone out of his pocket and put it on the ground before he had to return his hand to the door handle. 

He used his foot to activate the voice command, and instructed the phone to call Jenna. 

“Josh! Let me out! Why are you calling Jenna? Just let me out!! I need to keep looking!” 

Jenna picked up quickly, and Josh used his toe to turn on speakerphone. “Jenna! I need you to come over, I need help.” 

“Josh? What’s going on? Is everything okay?” 

Tyler answered for him. “Everything’s fine! I’m fine he’s overreacting! I’m just trying to help him, but he won’t let me out of the bathroom!”

Jenna was silent for a moment. “I’ll be over soon.”

\-----

It took Josh’s strength and Jenna’s words to finally calm Tyler down. Josh kept the door shut because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to physically handle stopping Tyler on his own. He kept him occupied through the door, talking, but with guilt eating at his insides the entire time for locking his roommate in the bathroom like some sort of caged animal. 

Jenna arrived minutes after he had called, and thankfully had let herself in. As soon as Josh had opened the door, Tyler had attempted to book it back to Josh’s room, but was met once again with Josh’s arms holding him in place. He fought just as hard as the first time, and Josh was surprised he hadn’t worn himself out yet. Josh was exhausted, worried, and scared. 

Josh pulled them both to the hallway floor, whereupon Jenna attempted to get Tyler’s attention to talk him down. 

It was nearly 30 minutes before Tyler was no longer focused on convincing everyone that medication was a money trap and a way for lying doctors to attempt to control everyone and make them powerless and weak. 

It was another few hours of sitting on the couch and talking amongst the three of them before Tyler finally seemed more like himself, and less like the paranoid conspiracy nut he had been earlier. 

Josh couldn’t lie, he was still thoroughly shaken by the day’s events. Even after Tyler had apologised and calmly helped cleaned up Josh’s room, he couldn’t get it out of his head. It had scared him bad, but he tried hard not to show it. Especially when Tyler was so very obviously embarrassed.

Tyler was nearly back to being 100% his normal self by the time Jenna left. Josh thanked her endlessly, hugging her goodbye at the door as Tyler frowned at the notebook balanced on his knees. 

Josh didn’t often cry, but when Tyler Joseph walked into his room that night and quietly but carefully crawled into bed behind him and wrapped his tanned and scarred arms around Josh, whispering “I’m sorry” in the quietest of voices, he couldn’t hold it back. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short, sorry it's been so long. im going to finish this fic, i promise
> 
> merry christmas and happy holidays, here's something a bit happier. i hope everyone who celebrates this time of year had lovely days <3
> 
> (this is just a rough unedited version i wanted to publish before christmas was up in america. ill refine it later, maybe add some stuff. comment if you think anything is missing or needs to be fixed)

Tyler hated himself. 

He knew he’d had meltdowns like that before, times where he mentally blacked out with only a memory of intense fear, but nothing of specific events. When his mind finally righted itself and he came to in Josh’s arms, he almost threw himself into an entirely different sort of panic. He didn’t know exactly what happened, but he knew it wasn’t good. He ached all over, he was exhausted, and he still had a lingering sense of urgency and fear about something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

Josh’s arms had been strong around Tyler, and Jenna’s voice was soft in his ears. Gentle but firm hands helped Tyler to stand up off of the hard floor. He slumped against Josh when he was standing, and allowed himself to be led into the living room. Maybe if he pretended he was still out of it, he’d be able to escape ever having to acknowledge today had happened.

This is the worst thing that could have happened. This was worse than when Josh had found him petrified with fear of a bomb that didn’t exist, worse than the time Blurryface had taken over and carved ugly words into Tyler’s skin. He remembered those moments, he had been present for them. He knew what had gone down, so he knew what he would need to apologise to Josh for, he knew what subjects to avoid in the future.

He had gathered from the tail end of his episode that he had been scared of doctors, or something along those lines, but that wasn’t new to him, so the information had been useless. The panic was still constricting his chest.

They sat around the living room, Tyler nursing a cup of tea that Jenna insisted would make him feel better, and Josh giving him worried looks every couple of minutes. The lingering paranoia and uneasiness still hadn’t left him, and his hands were shaking slightly. Jenna and Josh were talking somewhat normally, and Tyler could just barely bring himself to talk back. His voice sounded foreign. 

Tyler had to force himself to pretend he was fine. He knew Jenna wouldn’t leave until she was sure Tyler was back to being himself, so he did his best to act like everything was fine. As much as he wanted to shut down and shut out the world, he knew that if he did that there would be no going back. His only option was to suck it up and pretend.

He supposed he had done a good job, because it wasn’t too long until Jenna was picking up her things and heading for the door, giving Tyler a strict order to get some rest, and to let her know if he needed anything. He assured her that he would, knowing that it was a lie. He’d inconvenienced her enough lately. 

By the time Jenna had left, Tyler’s thoughts were no less disjointed than they’d been three hours ago. For the first time, he found himself missing the company of Blurryface. He could be annoying, and even dangerous, but at least he seemed to be better at making sense of Tyler’s thoughts than Tyler was. He’d know what to do. He’d help Tyler make sense of the world around him, even if he had a habit of doing so in a not so friendly manner.

Tyler hesitantly reached out in his mind, trying to find any hint that his near constant companion was still there with him. He found disappointment and fear settling in his gut when there seemed to be no sign. Tyler’s mind remained his own, and he wasn’t sure why that scared him so much. 

“Tyler!” 

Tyler was snapped back into reality when something touched his arm. He jumped slightly, all focus he had had scattered, leaving his thoughts disconnected and confusing once more.

“Hey uh, are you okay? You seem pretty tired. How about we get going to bed?” Josh was speaking hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure if Tyler was going to snap again. 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I uh, I’m just really tired. It’s been a long day.” He forced a laugh, but it sounded hollow. He kept his eyes lazily focused on the soft blue curls of Josh’s hair as he spoke, trying to avoid the look of concern on the other boy’s face. He wouldn’t be able to stand a look like that. He hated people looking at him like he was fragile. No one needed to worry about him, he was  _ fine _ . “Listen Josh I, I’m really sorry. I’ll help you clean up your room.” He could remember fragments of throwing boxes and emptying drawers, and he knew he had to right what he had done as much as he could. 

“No, Ty, I- no. It’s okay, it’s not that bad, I’ll take care of it. You should get some rest.” 

Tyler finally looked up to meet warm brown eyes filled with worry. “Please, I need to fix this.” Josh seemed to understand what he meant, because he inspected Tyler carefully before sighing and reluctantly nodding. “Alright, I guess some help could be useful. Thanks, Ty.”

“Yeah.” The conversation felt awkward and tense. He hoped the feeling would go away. He didn’t know. Josh held out his hand, and Tyler took it gently. They walked silently down the hall towards Josh’s room, flipping off lights and double checking the front door was locked as they went. 

Josh’s room was indeed a mess, clothes strewn over the wooden floors that were usually kept impeccable. They folded, straightened, and tucked away until the room was finally spotless once more. It helped Tyler feel a bit calmer, less confused. It was good. 

Tyler turned to leave, but was stopped by Josh before he could make his exit. He was pulled forward into a crushing hug, Josh’s face tucking into Tyler’s neck, chin resting on his shoulder. It took Tyler a few seconds to react before he wrapped his arms tightly around Josh, being careful to not accidentally reopen any of his wounds. He likewise turned his head into Josh, and there they remained. The embrace said words they could never even hope to express, and Tyler felt the world melt away until only Josh remained. His hands clutching at the fabric on Tyler’s back, his warm breath tickling the hairs on his neck, the way their hearts seemed to beat in sync against each other’s chests. 

Tyler wasn’t sure exactly how long they stood there, simply feeling each other breathe, reminding themselves that the other was alive, and that things would be okay. When they finally broke apart, there was a strange feeling in Tyler’s chest. Not a bad feeling, but not something he could recognise. He missed Josh, even though Josh was still standing right in front of him. The blue haired boy smiled gently at Tyler, and he could have sworn there were tears in his eyes before he blinked, and the illusion appeared to vanish. “Sleep well, Tyler.” He leaned over once more to kiss the top of Tyler’s head, rising onto his toes in order to do so. Tyler thought it was cute. 

“Goodnight, Josh.” He turned and left before he could tempt himself into staying the night in Josh’s room once again. Josh deserved to have his bed to himself, especially after a day like today. 

His room was colder than Josh’s, and his feet were silent on the floor as he walked towards his dresser and pulled on his pajamas, tugging his shirt off over his head. He left the clothes in a pile and went straight to his bed, pulling the covers up over his shoulders.   
  
He closed his eyes, but they wouldn’t stay shut. The mysterious feeling of  warmth had vanished, and doubt was beginning to set in. All of the panic and fear and worry had crept its way back into his mind, clouding his thoughts and allowing him to think of nothing else. He wasn’t going to sleep any time soon. 

He rolled onto his back with a sigh, feeling the cool sheets against his skin. Tyler stared at the fan above him, though it wasn’t moving. He hadn’t apologised enough, Josh was probably still mad. He looked mad, didn’t he? He couldn’t remember, but he was pretty sure. 

It was too much. He threw his covers to the side, heart racing in his chest. He needed Josh, he needed him to know how sorry he was, let him know that he would do anything to apologise, to make this better. He nearly tripped over himself trying to get to the door, reminding himself that Josh could be asleep by now, so he should try to be a little quieter. He forced himself to walk calmly the short ways down the hall to Josh’s room, and open the door as quietly as possible. He could see blue curls poking out of the covers, and his heart rate calmed slightly. 

He carefully walked to the side of the bed, unsure of whether or not Josh was asleep. He slid under the covers, immediately surrounded by warmth. He moved closer, wrapping his arms around Josh as much as he could. He was quiet for a moment, before he spoke in a broken whisper, throat constricted from trying to hold back his tears. 

“I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t until Tyler was the one left to hold a quietly crying Josh in his arms that he realised the extent of what had happened. He couldn’t keep hurting Josh like this. He’d never seen Josh cry. Josh was strong, he was the stone that kept Tyler from floating away. Feeling his only anchor to sanity shake in his arms was almost too much for him to bear, but he didn’t dare allow the tears to come. 

He busied himself with comforting Josh, instead. It was rare that he was on this end, in fact, he wasn’t sure he could remember a time where someone had been vulnerable enough to need comfort from him, rather than the other way around. 

He drew patterns on Josh’s back, creating worlds that didn’t exist. A road to nowhere, surrounded by imaginary cities that Tyler traced out without much care. It was therapeutic, he thought. Not just for Josh, but for him. He thought of what it could be like if they weren’t living this life. He imagined they’d be happy, travelling together, maybe making music. Tyler wasn’t one to play piano in front of others, but he thought maybe, just maybe, it’s something he’d consider for Josh. When he had been young he’d dreamed of touring the world, playing his music for anyone who would listen. 

But that was before his diagnosis, of course. Before all the crazy set in. Once Blurryface had made a home in his head, any dream of performing in front of others was gone. He thought it could be nice, though. If he and Josh were okay, maybe they would be in a band. He laughed quietly to himself. A band with only a piano and drums, that would never work. They would never be able to put on enough of a show. But maybe, just maybe, they could.

This wasn’t the first time that Tyler had thought of such a thing, but it was the first time that a snide comment hadn’t reminded him that such a thing was impossible. He would never survive a life like that, but maybe he could get to a happier place someday. Maybe they could make the music for themselves, even if they never got to show it to anyone outside of Jenna and maybe Mark. 

Without Blurry present to shut down any dream of Tyler’s, he was allowed to continue making his imaginary roads, imaginary towns. Anything was possible, and he drew it all on the map that had become of Josh’s back. His breathing had calmed and his shaking had ceased long ago, but Tyler was too enthralled in the world he’d created for himself to let it end just yet. 

The feeling that had settled in his chest earlier returned, and he finally drifted off into a peaceful sleep, hand still trying to trace maps onto Josh’s back, envisioning the places they would go when they got this mess of a life figured out. He thought they might, if he could make it out alive. 

\-----

Neither of them woke when Josh turned over in the night, reaching out for the figure lying next to him and pulling it close, as if he knew he needed to keep it safe. With a small sigh of comfort, he returned to peaceful dreams of travelling the world, Tyler by his side.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mediocre and choppy and 100% a filler chapter, but I hope it's not too terrible. I need something to bridge the gap between previous chapters and upcoming chapters, so this is the result of an attempt at that I guess. Maybe I'll edit it at a later day, make it sound better and more accurate to the characters, or something. Also its kinda short, eh.  
> Ok yep thats all, enjoy (?)  
> oh and leave a comment if you so please, i miss getting comments

It took the combined efforts of Jenna and Josh to convince Tyler to visit the doctor to further discuss his medications, but he caved soon enough, even if only to make them stop bugging him about it. He was growing tired of the worried looks that lingered after him everywhere he went, both at work and at home. Someone was there wherever he went, watching to ensure he wasn’t going to break again, giving him pitying and worried looks when they thought he couldn’t see. He may be mentally ill, but his vision was just fine, thank you very much. 

There was still a suspicion and fear of doctors and medications that had taken root in his gut, but he figured that if he at least got his prescriptions adjusted and filled, they’d get off his back. Of course, he knew the pair only meant well, but that didn’t make them any less annoying. As long as he was careful they would never find out that he wasn’t taking his meds as instructed. 

His appointment was nothing out of the normal. He received the usual berating from his psychiatrist about his long absence from professional help, which he largely ignored. They had a long discussion about his symptoms and diagnoses, and how things had changed on and off of medication. He ended up leaving with a prescription for most of the same meds he had had before, but at lower dosages. He’d been relieved to see some were missing from his usual list. Less poison was fine with him, it would be easier to hide. 

Despite the fight he had initially put up, Tyler was glad he had gone. It ended up for the best, as he had come out of the deal as the real winner. Jenna and Josh didn’t know exactly how much they had helped him, even if it wasn’t in the way they were intending. 

Unfortunately, Tyler didn’t get off as easily as he had intended to. Jenna and Josh were very keen on making sure Tyler kept up with his meds. They were no longer kept in his bedroom, but were now kept separated into daily rations in a plastic container that was to have only one compartment emptied at a time. That had been Jenna’s idea, so of course Tyler had been unable to argue. Whenever he tried, she had fixed him with a stern look that had immediately shut him up. He didn’t like to disappoint her, so he supposed he would do what he could to please her. She could be scary when she was upset with him. 

In an attempt to make Tyler feel better about it, Josh had his own pill container that sat next to Tyler’s on the counter. He’d managed to get his refilled without too much of a fuss. Tyler still felt bad about flushing an entire bottle down the toilet. 

Every morning for the last week Tyler and Josh had sat for breakfast with their tablets and capsules beside their drinks like some old couple taking treatment for their ailments. Josh would discreetly watch to make sure Tyler swallowed all of his down, but he was very bad at being discreet. Tyler knew he was being watched, and he knew Josh intentionally trailed him as he went about getting ready for work to ensure he didn’t try to fake it and spit the meds out later. 

Being constantly babysat was starting to get on his nerves. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just trust him.

It hadn’t been as hard as Tyler had thought to fake swallow pills, until he realised he wasn’t going to get the chance to get rid of them, and was forced to swallow them dry. It left a bad taste in his mouth, and he had decided to not do that again.

He didn’t particularly enjoy being poisoned, as he knew for a fact he didn’t need any of that medication anymore, but he supposed it was better than having Jenna and Josh mad at him. He begrudgingly started taking his medication again, if only to lessen the looks that continued to linger after him. 

Tyler was left in a weird mood, not sure of who he was and where he stood. He was still learning to adjust to a world without Blurryface in it, and rediscovering himself. He was trying to learn who the real Tyler was for the first time since he was a kid. It was uncomfortable and awkward, and he wasn’t convinced that it was something he liked. 

He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but there were nights where the silence was deafening. Even if there had been times in his life where Blurryface was quiet, he couldn’t recall a time where it had been as barrenly silent as this. The silence was loud enough to keep him up at night, and he often awoke feeling tired and confused. He felt lonely, and lost. He missed Blurryface. 

\-----

Tyler didn’t miss the worry that flashed across Jenna’s eyes when he accidentally let loose that Blurryface was gone. She had been there for the last time that something of the sort had happened, and he imagined she wasn’t keen to see him in that position again. This was different though, he was positive. He was gone for good this time. It was a completely different feeling than what he had experienced in the past, so he was confident that somehow Blurryface had truly been vanquished once and for all. 

He thought it had something to do with Josh, but he wasn’t going to admit that to anyone just yet. They didn’t need to know just how far his feelings went for his roommate. He imagined they had their suspicions, but he wasn’t keen to confirm anything if only to avoid the questions. 

\-----

With everything that had happened in the last few months, Tyler hadn’t realised that December had arrived. It wasn’t until he walked into the kitchen after a long day at work and was greeted by Josh in flour dusted jeans, diligently mixing something together in a bowl while some sort of obnoxious music blared from a speaker nearby that he started to register what day it was. 

Josh jumped when he turned around and saw Tyler, his expression of surprise turning into a pout moments later. “Aw man! It was supposed to be a surprise.” He looked thoroughly disappointed at himself, but Tyler thought he ought to have kept his music quieter if he wanted to keep this hidden from him. At least then Josh would be able to hear him come home, but he said nothing, thinking Josh’s disappointed look was cute enough to make him not feel too bad about a missed surprise. 

It was much worse than Tyler had initially thought. Not only was the front of Josh’s dark shirt entirely white, there was cocoa powder on his hands, and smeared across his face. The counters were miraculously clean, so he wasn’t sure how exactly Josh had managed to get such large quantities of powder on himself, but somehow he had.

Josh smiled sheepishly and gestured towards the living room, still cradling the bowl of what one could only assume was an attempt at cake batter. “Like I said, it was supposed to be a surprise but I guess I timed it wrong. I thought you’d be home later.”

Tyler turned around to survey the living room, only now noticing the bright coloured balloons, signs, and steamers that hung on the walls and above the fireplace. A sign was pinned to the wall, reading “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYLER !!” in a rainbow of colours, seemingly painted by Josh himself. Tyler smiled a little at the idea of Josh sitting on the floor to craft the masterpiece. 

“I uh, I mean I don’t know how you feel about parties so it’s nothing special. Just me and you and Jenna and Mark, really. Pete said he might stop by to say hi, but only because he overheard me mentioning it to Jenna.” Josh rushed to finish his sentence when he saw the look of horror on Tyler’s face at the mention of his practically middle aged boss showing up to a birthday party. At least he hadn’t been explicitly invited, Josh was just too nice to say no.

Tyler wasn’t sure what to say. He’d never been a huge fan of birthdays, in fact birthdays ranked low enough on his list of priorities that he had completely forgotten that today was his own. They were just a reminder of another year passed, another year where he had achieved nothing of importance, and another year closer to his death. He didn’t see how that was something to be celebrated, but Josh was back to vigorously stirring the cake, so he supposed it wouldn’t be so bad to let it go for one year. 

It wasn’t long before the whole house smelled of chocolate, and Josh shooed Tyler out of the kitchen to finish his cake and try and make at least something a surprise. 

The failed surprise was Tyler’s fault, probably. Jenna had done her best to drag him to dinner, but he made an excuse about being tired and just wanting to rest, and Jenna let him off without arguing despite the disappointed frown that had been on her face when he left her alone. Maybe he should have gone with her, for Josh’s sake. He felt bad now, but how was he to have known? After all, it was a surprise. No way for him to have known that he should have gone with Jenna. But, it was too late now.

He spent some time before the party officially started in his room, working on a song he had started recently. He kept his headphones plugged in, still unreasonably fearful that Josh would accidentally hear. He wasn’t ready for him to hear yet, he needed to keep this music to himself for just a bit longer. 

He was called from his room by Jenna before long, feeling like a petulant child being called to dinner as he emerged and rejoined the world. 

Josh had gotten Tyler a hoodie, apologising that it wasn’t much. Tyler was not accustomed to getting gifts like this. He’d get things from Jenna every year, of course, but this was different. He couldn’t decide why, but something about it felt different. Maybe it was the card Josh had included, or the way he had anxiously watched as Tyler ripped open the paper, but something was different from Jenna. 

Tyler loved the hoodie, of course. It was black, with Ohio written in white letters across the front. Josh kept apologising that it was lame, but Tyler repeatedly shushed him, assuring him that it was perfect. 

He planned to wear it the next day. 

Jenna got him a vinyl record he had been eyeing for a while, but had never bothered to buy. Mark had given him a new strap for his bass along with a capo for his ukulele, and although he hadn’t touched the bass in months, he appreciated it nonetheless. Maybe it would motivate him to get back into it. Pete and Patrick had combined their gift, as was usual for them, and had given him a cheesy card along with a gift card. 

Pete and Patrick had left after just a short while, but Jenna and Mark had stayed much longer. Tyler had thought he might be uncomfortable, but the night went surprisingly well. They had mostly just talked, but the addition of Josh’s homemade cake (which was delicious) and the cheerful decorations gave the whole air a positive vibe that Tyler wasn’t used to. He thought the drinks did, as well.

He wasn’t used to drinking. Generally alcohol was something to be avoided, because it was something Blurryface encouraged. It weakened Tyler’s defenses, so of course it would be something Blurry would cheer for. But with his mind blissfully empty, Tyler didn’t hold back.

Everything was funny now, for some reason. He couldn’t stop giggling at the smallest things. He didn’t have a care in the world, suddenly. He couldn’t remember why he had been so stressed earlier, maybe he should learn how to relax more often. 

At some point in the night, Josh and Tyler had ended up closer than was casually acceptable on the couch, words slurring together from both the alcohol and sleepiness. Josh kept giggling, and Tyler thought it was cute. He didn’t notice Jenna watching them, a knowing look in her eyes.

Josh said something about how it was nice to see Tyler having fun, which Tyler ignored in favour of humming and swaying along to whatever song was playing from the speaker in the corner of the room. He was having fun, even though something in the back of his mind told him he might regret this tomorrow. He vaguely recalled something about hangovers and almost brought it up to Josh, but he was distracted by Mark launching into another embarrassing story about Josh from the time he had spent living on Mark’s couch. Tyler let himself get lost in the story, laughing and feeling lighter than he had in a very, very long time. 

\-----

Mark was passed out in a chair, mouth open. Jenna had attempted to move him into a more comfortable position, but he had awoken and swatted her away when she tried. She didn’t try again, electing to dig through the chest in the living room for an extra blanket and curl up in her own chair instead. The playlist they’d had on all night had ended long ago.

Tyler and Josh took this as their cue to go to sleep as well. Stumbling slightly and giggling down the hall, they made their way to Josh’s room. Tyler found himself wondering why they never went into his room, but the thought quickly left him as Josh excused himself to brush his teeth, or something. 

“Don’t care so much about dental hygiene, Joshie.” Tyler giggled to himself at the name. “Come to sleep.” His eyes were half closed as he swayed on the spot. 

Josh didn’t answer, and Tyler heard the sound of running water in the bathroom.

Tyler fell into Josh’s bed exhausted and tipsy, but content. The last thing he remembered before he fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep was the bed dipping beside him and Josh’s whispered voice in his ear. 

“Happy Birthday, Ty.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is slowly going downhill im so sorry. i really want to finish it but i feel like the quality of my writing is just so bad lately and i have no idea how to get back to where i was. regardless, i hope you enjoy this. it's a little soft which is neat because i never write soft stuff so wooo

Tyler knew he was running out of time. The house was warmly decorated, something he hadn’t experienced since he was a kid. There was a tree in the corner of the living room, greenery and warm wishes for the season hung throughout the house, and some overly cheery Christmas music playing at all times, all thanks to Josh. The outside of the house was even strung with bright lights that Tyler knew were going to make their energy bill skyrocket. But Josh seemed to enjoy it, so he didn’t complain too much. If he was being honest, it made him feel kind of nice. He hadn’t had a proper holiday like this in a very long time. 

Despite the ample amount of time he had had since Josh had pulled up to the house in Jenna’s car the day after his birthday with an evergreen tree strapped to the top, Tyler still hadn’t gotten anything for Josh. He had been looking, but nothing was right. 

He’d considered a drum kit, but he knew the one Josh had his eyes set on was far out of his budget. Drums would be perfect for Josh, as he still regularly came into the music shop to practice. Pete enjoyed it, and they hadn’t had any major complaints from customers, so Josh was always welcomed back enthusiastically. His drumming hadn’t grown any less passionate since the first times Tyler had heard it. If anything, it had grown in power as Josh’s confidence in front of a crowd increased. But even with his discount, there was no way Tyler would be able to afford the kit Josh deserved by Christmas. 

Other than that, he had no specific ideas. There was nothing Josh particularly wanted, which of course made shopping for him very difficult. On occasion Tyler would pass something in the store that seemed like something Josh would enjoy, but after thinking on it for a few minutes he would always end up putting it back on the shelf. Nothing was  _ good _ enough. Sure, they were good, but they weren’t perfect. He wouldn’t be satisfied if he only got Josh a cool shirt, or something equally as lame like a painting of a dog that definitely looked like something Josh would like. It just wasn’t enough. 

It was the day before Christmas Eve and Tyler still had nothing for Josh. He was panicking at this point, knowing that he had placed plenty of presents under the tree for Jenna and Mark, but nothing for Josh. He desperately combed through the inventory at work, finally settling on a small set of practice pads and a bundle of sticks. It wasn’t ideal, but he hoped Josh would appreciate it nonetheless. 

He’d been toying with another idea, but he wasn’t confident in it yet. He needed the practice pads as a backup. He knew what Josh wanted, even though he had never said it aloud. He would never ask it of him, but Tyler knew that Josh would do anything to hear his music. He knew Josh sometimes hovered at the front door when he got home from work, hoping Tyler would continue playing. He knew Josh had fallen asleep in the hallway, likely in the hopes that Tyler would assume he was asleep and would play without headphones for a change, which of course never happened. He never caught him in the act as he was always gone by morning, but he could hear the snores that were definitely right outside his door. 

Josh was far too polite to ever ask Tyler to play for him, as he knew it was something Tyler actively avoided. He must have figured out it was a sensitive subject. His music was very personal to him, and the thought of sharing it with someone else scared him. It scared him with Josh less than it did others, but it was definitely still something that made him nervous. He’d been thinking about it for a while, but the time was never right. There was never a moment where he felt open and vulnerable enough to bare his soul for Josh to see. It wasn’t something to be taken lightly, he couldn’t just pop into Josh’s room on a Tuesday evening and ask if he want a personal concert. 

He didn’t know how he was going to present this to Josh, he didn’t even know if he  _ would _ present this to Josh. He still might back out, in the end. If there wasn’t a time that seemed right, he wouldn’t do it. He’d keep it to himself as he had always done. Josh would be happy enough with the physical gifts from Tyler, he hoped. Besides, he would never even know what he had originally been planning, so it’s not like Josh could even be disappointed at not receiving a gift he never knew existed. 

He had two days to think, to decide.

Naturally, he spent a majority of those two days actively avoiding the subject. He let himself be busied by the holiday activities; wrapping gifts, baking, shopping, the works. It wasn’t until Christmas eve, with Josh asleep on the couch beside him that Tyler decided he would do it, as long as there was a moment tomorrow that felt right. As long as there was a right time, he would do it. If he never felt it, he wouldn’t. 

With his decision made, he shook Josh awake, reminding him that they should get to sleep in a proper bed. Josh mumbled something about Santa and stumbled off to his own room, checking behind to see if Tyler would be coming with. He shook his head to decline, knowing he needed to decide on what song he would play, if any. 

Josh looked disappointed, but they both knew Tyler would end up in his room at some point tonight, so he wasn’t too bothered by the rejection. 

\-----

Tyler woke up to Josh shouting “MERRY CHRISTMAS” very near to his face, and very nearly smacked him in response. He instead put a hand over his racing heart and gave Josh a slightly exasperated “Merry Christmas” in response. 

Other than being shouted awake, Christmas day was filled with all of the usual cheer. Jenna and Mark didn’t arrive until early afternoon, leaving Tyler and Josh to make a nice breakfast on their own. Classic Christmas movies played in the background as they talked at the table, enjoying the bright and cheerful day. There was snow on the ground, but it wasn’t currently snowing and the sun was peeking from behind the clouds, providing the perfect Christmas-y atmosphere. 

Tyler’s family stopped by around the same time as Mark and Jenna, staying for just long enough to exchange presents and introductions with Josh. They rarely came around Tyler’s place, as he was rarely prepared for whatever holiday or event was going on. The gathering was normally at his parent’s place, but they had begrudgingly agreed to at least stop by and meet his roommate due to Tyler claiming he would be unable to make it to their house this year. He could have made it over if he had wanted, but he wasn’t a fan of being seen as the weird outcast at family gatherings. 

He was much more comfortable being the weird family outcast at gatherings in his own home. 

They didn’t have an extravagant meal, or really much of a meal at all. Their diet for the day, other than breakfast, largely consisted of baked goods brought over by Jenna. Cinnamon rolls, cookies, breads, anything you could imagine she had brought on neatly arranged plates and platters. It had taken her three trips to bring it all inside. 

They opened presents around the tree. Josh seemed to like his practice pads, and spent the rest of the afternoon fawning over the mini set. He tapped out a few rhythms once he had gotten it set up, speculating about finally buying himself a drum throne now that he had something to properly use it for. Tyler offered that he could get him a good discount, and Josh seemed all the more excited. 

Jenna and Mark left around sunset, both heading back to their respective families for the night. Tyler wished they would stay longer. Butterflies had taken up a permanent residence in his stomach, making him feel sick with nerves. He had to ask Josh soon. If he was going to do this, he had to do it soon. The right time would come, he could feel it. He wasn’t sure he was going to have the nerve to take the opportunity when it came. What if Josh really wasn’t interested? What if he said no? Or, even worse, what if he said yes and Tyler froze? Just forgot everything he knew about piano? He could easily make a mistake, and Josh would laugh at it. He hated the sound of wrong notes, he couldn’t let Josh hear something like that. 

What if his voice cracked while he was singing? Or what if he forgot the words? That was a very real possibility, he thought. He’d never performed like this in front of anyone, what if he got really bad stage fright and forgot everything from his own songs? He could mess up the order of the lyrics, or forget how to sing and play at the same time. 

The more time that passed, the more doubts that piled up in Tyler’s mind. There was way too much that could go wrong, he couldn’t handle it. He had loosely settled on a song, but he wasn’t confident that it was the right one. Most of his music was far too sad to show someone as a christmas gift, but he had a few that would be okay, maybe. Maybe even this one was too much to show, he didn’t know. 

Josh was in the living room, humming along to the music that was still quietly playing throughout the house while reading something on his phone. The sun had set a while ago, but it was still fairly early in the night. Regardless of the time, everything had a tendency to have a bigger impact when it was dark out, Tyler had learned. 

“Hey um, Josh?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He swallowed hard, trying to calm some of the nerves. Josh looked up from his phone, his face lit by the colourful tree lights. 

“What’s up?” He clicked his phone screen off and smiled at Tyler. A few of the butterflies disappeared. 

“I have something for you. For Christmas, I mean. It’s kind of late but I couldn’t give it to you when everyone else was here. Uh, it’s not anything super amazing but I think you’ll like it.” The last part came out more as a question than a statement. “It’s not wrapped or anything so I guess just, come with me.” He stood up, realising he was barely able to do so. His legs felt like they were going to give out. His heart was racing and his hands felt shaky and uncoordinated. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to do this, but it was too late now. 

He reached his hand out to take Josh’s, hoping it would offer some stability as he walked down the hall and towards his room. Unfortunately, it definitely did very little in way of easing his nerves. He hoped Josh didn’t notice how sweaty his palms were. 

He didn’t look at Josh as he opened his door. He had no idea what the other boy was thinking. Tyler knew Josh had rarely been in his room. Tyler never invited him in, meaning that the only times Josh had been in here was when something terrible was happening. Maybe, just maybe, he could change that today.

“You sit there,” He pointed at the bed. “And close your eyes.” If Josh wasn’t watching, it would be easier. He let go of his hand and watched to make sure he wasn’t looking. “No peeking, I’ll know if you’re cheating.” He knew there was no way Josh was going to keep his eyes closed for the whole time, but he hoped he could at least keep them shut until Tyler started. 

“Ty, what are you-”   


“Just wait, I have a present, kind of.” Josh nodded and kept quiet, and Tyler checked one last time to make sure his eyes were really closed before he headed towards his keyboard. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He sat silently down on the bench and switched on the piano. He just had to forget Josh was there, and he would be fine. But that was impossible. He could feel Josh’s presence burning behind him, feel his energy filling the room. Tyler trusted that Josh still had his eyes closed, but it felt as if a million pairs of eyes were staring down at him at that moment. 

It was now or never. He couldn’t keep Josh waiting for much longer or he would start asking questions again. He lifted his hands and rested them against the keys, taking a deep breath. He should have had a drink of water before this. He felt as if he were going to pass out. 

Tyler pressed down on the keys, and the first chord rang out. There was no going back, his music was already there for Josh to hear, and it was too late to stop. He moved to the next chord, and felt a bit of his anxiety melt away. Like a flip had been switched, his hands took on a mind of their own, moving across the keys. He had played this song a hundred times, he had no need to think of what he was doing. The music wrapped around him, surrounding him and providing a comfort that nothing else could ever replicate. 

“We are, people blind.. Once again, we think we have the lights…” 

His voice started out quiet, but grew stronger as the song continued. He didn’t have to think, he just let the music take over. His heart rate evened out, and his eyes slipped shut as he continued. He felt calmer than he had all day. This was easy, this was familiar, this was home. 

He had thought it impossible, but by the time the last note had faded into silence, Tyler had completely forgotten that Josh was in the room with him. It wasn’t until a voice said his name that Tyler’s eyes opened and he returned to the world.

“Tyler that-” He paused to take a breath, and when he continued his voice sounded significantly less choked. “That was… wow. Was that.. yours?”

Tyler didn’t turn around to look at Josh. “Thanks. Um, yeah it’s mine. I know you always want to hear what I’m playing, but I never let you. I thought maybe, this would be a good present. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a full kit. I hope that um, made up for it, or something.” The rush he had gotten from playing had faded, and doubt was starting to set in. He stared at the controls of his keyboard as he spoke. “I know it’s not the best, it could probably use some work. I just thought, maybe I’d play for you so you’d stop falling asleep outside my room.” There was more of a reason to it than that, of course, but he wasn’t going to straight up admit that to Josh. “I’m sorry it’s not that good, or if you’re disappointed or, something.” 

“Ty, no, no way. I’d never be disappointed. That was so good, it was amazing, I mean it. You really wrote that all on your own?”    
  
Tyler nodded.   
  
“Holy shit, Tyler. It was beautiful. Everything about it was perfect.”   
  
“Perfect music doesn’t exist. If it does, I don’t trust it.” Everything had its flaws.   
  
“I beg to differ, because that was perfect.”    
  
Tyler didn’t know how to handle compliments like this. He thought most of his music was decent, but he didn’t think any of it was amazing. For sure none of it deserved this level of praise. 

He stood up from the bench and walked to the bed, but still couldn’t bring himself to look Josh in the eye. He sat down next to Josh, who immediately intertwined their fingers together. “What was the name of it? When did you write that?”    


“I call it ‘Where Did We Go’, but it’s not a very creative name. I think I wrote it a few months ago, I don’t remember.” 

“Titles don’t always have to be creative, sometimes simple is better.” Josh sounded in awe. “How long does it take you to write a song?” 

Tyler shrugged. “It varies. Sometimes I can be happy with in a day, but some songs take months to finish. Sometimes the words will be there, but I can’t find the music to match, and sometimes it’s the other way around. There’s a lot of fragments, and I have to piece them together to make it into something coherent.”

Josh was quiet for a while, thinking. “How many have you written?” 

“I don’t know, I don’t keep track. A couple dozen, I guess? Most aren’t finished.” 

It was quiet again for a long time as they sat together. Tyler felt calmer than he had expected to. This felt natural, it felt right. Josh was meant to hear his music.

“Ty?” 

“Yeah?” He lifted his head off of Josh’s shoulder to look at him.    
  
“Will you play again for me sometime?” Josh seemed nervous to ask, as if he thought the answer was going to be no. In the past, it might have been. But now, Tyler didn’t even have to think when he answered.

 

“I’ll always play for you.” And he knew he would. “Merry Christmas, Josh.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TW FOR THIS CHAPTER!!
> 
> do NOT read if you are at all sensitive to self harm and themes of suicide. Feel free to skip this chapter if you're worried. Please stay safe!
> 
> There's going to be 3 more chapters in this fic, for a total of 20. I'm super slow at writing lately, so please be patient. I have the ending planned so this will be finished, eventually. i just have to find the motivation and stuff
> 
> Leave me a comment if you'd like, it helps to guilt me into writing more ;^) 
> 
> (no but really please leave comments they mean the world to me and i would love you forever)

Tyler should have known this would happen, he should have been prepared. But he had grown to be complacent in his new life. It hadn’t even been that long since he had last had an episode, but it had been long enough for every one of his defenses to be lowered. He felt stable and secure on his new medications, and the thought of being poisoned hadn’t crossed his mind in weeks. He thought maybe something had just been extremely amiss in the last few years, and maybe he had been wrong to have doubted the effectiveness of medication as much as he had. He was obviously excelling with his latest cocktail, though he did have his suspicions that Josh played a large role in how things had been working out lately. 

Despite having spent the first few weeks of silence on edge for all hours of the day, things had completely changed since. There were times that he forgot Blurryface had even ever existed at all, in fact. He knew, deep down, that this was dangerous, but he couldn’t resist the part of him that said this was a reason to celebrate, a time to relax. He had spent so much of his life fighting, resisting, that at one point he had thought it impossible for him to ever settle and live a “normal” life. 

A life free of the tyranny of Blurryface seemed completely and utterly out of the realm of possibility, until it happened. And now it was here, and he was living it, and he loved it. Tyler loved the freedom, and embraced it perhaps a little too much. 

Because if he had kept his guard up, this wouldn’t be happening. 

Mistake number one.

\-----

Tyler knew something was wrong as soon as he woke up. He hadn’t slept well, his dreams being filled with unrecognisable whispers and eyes peering from shadows. It had been a while since he’d woken up more tired than he had been when he had gone to sleep. There was a lingering feeling of uneasiness that seemed to follow him around like an inescapable cloud as he went about his morning routine.  
  
Tyler untangled himself from the sheets and Josh’s limbs and headed to his room in search of something to do. His stomach grumbled, but he told himself he’d eat later when Josh was awake. He was still asleep, making the most of his day off. Tyler played around on his keyboard for a while, writing down a few interesting chord progressions in his notebook before growing bored.

He still couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness. Something was wrong, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He went through a list of things he could possibly be worried or scared about, but nothing stood out to him. Figuring it must be nothing genuine to worry about, he did his best to ignore it. 

Mistake number two. 

\-----

Tyler’s mental state was plummeting, and fast. He had been relatively fine when he had woken up, but he now found himself once again stuck in a fog, paranoia clutching at him. He felt trapped, lost. He was frightened, jumping at every sound, every car that passed on the street outside. 

He locked and unlocked his phone, opening and closing apps in search of something to distract himself. When he’d exhausted all his options on his phone, he resorted to pacing his room, hoping a little movement would help him shake off whatever was going on with him. He hadn’t felt this bad in a long time. His heart was racing in his chest, and he felt like the room was closing in around him. 

Maybe he should wake up Josh, Josh could help. His presence always made him feel a bit calmer. 

He checked his phone again, no notifications. Maybe he should wake up Josh. Or maybe he could just, go sit in his room. 

No, no. He’d let Josh sleep, he deserved it. It had been so long since he’d gotten a day off like this, he should sleep as long as he can. He’d stick this one out on his own, he could do it. 

Three strikes, you’re out. 

\-----

Someone was laughing quietly, somewhere in his room. The sound made Tyler sick to his stomach. He whipped around, looking for the source of the sound but seeing nothing. The laugh grew louder, turning his blood to ice. 

This couldn’t be happening, this was impossible. He was dead, he was gone. Tyler was stronger than him now, he was better. This wasn’t supposed to happen again.    
  
_ Hello, Tyler. My oh my, it’s been a while. Did you miss me?  _   
  
The voice rang out from all around him, and he made himself dizzy in his attempts to find the source. “You’re not real. I’m imagining this. I-I’m just tired and stressed, you’re not real. Not anymore.” He frantically searched, trying to feel where he was. He couldn’t feel him, not in the same way he used to. His mind still felt completely his.

Blurryface sighed dramatically.  _ Not even a hello for your old friend? So disappointing… I thought you’d be glad to have me back, surely it was getting a bit lonely in there. _

“Leave me alone.” 

_ So soon? I just got here, why don’t we have a little fun first? _

“I’m stronger than you, you can’t hurt me anymore.”

_ Brave words from a man doomed to die, Tyler Joseph.  _

Laughter echoed once more around the room, the harsh sound scratching at his ears.Tyler fell to the floor, desperately trying to block it out. No matter how hard he pressed his hands over his ears, the sound did not quiet. He was back, he was really back. He should have woken Josh, he never should have let his guard down. He should have listened to his gut feeling, he should have done this he should have done that. 

But he knew, at the core of it all, this was bound to happen again. He knew Blurryface would come back, he just hadn’t allowed himself to admit that. He hadn’t been willing to face the truth, instead choosing to push even the slightest thought of Blurry’s return to the back of his mind to be buried. He did this to himself. 

_ I’ve been gone for a long, long time, Tyler. You’ve had your chance to stretch your legs, but it’s my turn now. How about you give me a turn in the driver’s seat for once? _

Tyler remained silent, pressing his hands harder against his head so that his wrists began to ache.

_ Remembering my last joyride, are we? That’s all it was, a mere reckless joyride. I wouldn’t do that to you again, you know that. If I were to kill you, how would I benefit? Unfortunately, I need your body to exist, so there’s no point in destroying it.  _

Tyler didn’t believe him, not one bit. He knew Blurryface felt no pain, not in the same way Tyler did. He knew his tricks, he knew there would be no end to the pain Tyler would suffer if he let Blurryface take control. His body would be pushed to the very limits, not enough to kill him, not even enough to put him in the hospital, but enough to push Josh away and turn Tyler’s once pleasant life into a living hell. 

_ Let me in. _

The voice growled in his ears, and the sound reverberated around his skull. He flinched away, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping everything would go away if he only wished it hard enough.

_ Stand up, Tyler. _

“No.” His voice barely came out as a whisper. 

_ I won’t ask again. Stand up and face me.  _

An invisible force compelled Tyler to his feet, despite his protests. He was shaking to the point that he was barely able to support his own weight, but he managed to stay upright. He couldn’t remember if he had ever been this frightened. 

_ I’ve seen you plenty of times, but I can’t say you’ve ever seen me. I supposed I’m not as grand as I once was, but that will soon be amended. Surely you’re curious as to how I look, go ahead and take a peek.  _

Against all of his better judgement, Tyler did just that. 

The figure in front of him was stick thin, with a thick black tar-like substance dripping off of clawed hands. His face was identical to Tyler’s apart from a few modifications. A smile dripping with what appeared to be blood stretched from ear to ear, cheshire smile style. His teeth were sharp and pointed, and not human at all. His eyes, too, were not human, glowing a bright unnatural red from under a matching red hat. 

Not-Tyler stepped forward, extending his hand in greeting. 

_ How lovely to finally meet you in person, wouldn’t you agree?  _ Receiving no response from Tyler, Blurryface sighed and lowered his hand. 

_ Fine, I guess we’ll just have to do this the fun way. _ His grin widened, and blood ran down his chin. He stepped towards Tyler, and time seemed to slow. 

Tyler felt fear course through his body, locking him in place. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Blurryface took another step forward, but Tyler was frozen. He was helpless to do anything, his body refusing to respond to his screaming instincts. 

He broke free of the trance just as Blurry made a final step towards him, but it was too late. He felt Not-Tyler’s arms wrap around him, and all at once it was as if he had been hit in the stomach with a bowling ball. He was flung backwards, and was falling, falling, falling… 

By the time he recovered his breath, he was no longer in control. Panic and terror took over as he frantically thrashed against the restraints that he now found himself in. No, no, no this couldn’t be happening again. Not today, not now. This wasn’t real, this  _ couldn’t _ be real. He had to get out. 

\-----

Blurryface was inspecting his hands, marvelling at how wonderful it was to have a physical body once more. For months he had laid quietly at the back of Tyler’s mind, careful to keep any and all thoughts to himself. It was best to let Tyler believe he was gone, for he knew it was only then that his guard would fully lower. He’d allowed himself months of careful planning, allowing his strength to grow before he made his magnificent comeback. 

Tyler was predictable, and so easily tricked. He knew it would be easy, but he didn’t know it would be  _ this _ easy. Tyler had zero defenses, he had let every safeguard that at one point had effectively barricaded Blurryface a safe distance away crumble to nothingness. He had placed all of his security with Josh, just as Blurryface had hoped. 

His plan was coming along quite nicely, and he had only just gotten started.

He took a few moments to change, ridding himself of the cumbersome hoodie and pulling on a simple black shirt instead. He didn’t need to be fancy, not for this. He happily noted his work from last time was still visible, the raised scars prominent even through the mess of lines. It was a shame he couldn’t look as the image he had created for himself, but beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to what body you inhabit. 

A quick listen at Josh’s door let him know he was still asleep, judging from the quiet snores from within. 

“How about we give Joshie a visit, hm?” 

Tyler screamed something in response, but Blurryface ignored it. 

“Quiet now, we don’t want to wake him.” 

Tyler could do nothing but watch as his hands reached out to push open the door. The bed was just as Tyler had left it, with his half of the covers thrown back, and Josh still sprawled out on his own side. His mouth was slightly open, and he was snoring quietly. Tyler’s heart ached at the sight. He was helpless to stop this, he didn’t have the necessary strength to fight back. Even if he were able to wrestle back control for a few moments, he wouldn’t be able to hold it. Blurryface had grown far too strong. 

He could do nothing but watch as Blurryface advanced, smiling over Josh’s sleeping form. “Good morning, Joshie. It’s time to wake up.” Blurryface cooed in a mockingly sweet voice. He started to feel sick.

He could do nothing but watch as Josh’s snores stopped, and his eyes blinked open. He startled at the sight of Tyler standing over him, but his look of surprise quickly turned to a smile. “Morning, Ty. What time is it?”

He could do nothing but scream as he watched his own two hands find their way to Josh’s throat, holding him down against the bed. He could feel Josh’s hands clawing at his arms, see the shock and fear in his eyes. Blurryface kept his eyes locked with Josh’s, giving Tyler no other option but to watch as he struggled for air. His mouth formed words, but very little sound came out. Tyler could have sworn he heard a strangled “Not-- Ty--.”

Blurry let up at the last possible second, leaving Josh seconds from losing consciousness. He clutched at his throat as he gulped in air, tears streaming down his cheeks. He tried to speak, but his voice barely made a sound. Tyler was too stunned to listen, anyways.

When Blurryface spoke, it was not Tyler’s voice. A sound deeper than anything Tyler had ever made on his own growled at Josh. “Stay away. You’re not wanted here.” 

He turned and left the room, leaving Josh gasping and crying behind him. Tyler was shaking, in shock. He was frozen, unable to fight or process what had just happened. Blurryface had tried to kill Josh, he had come so close. Blurryface had nearly killed Josh.

Tyler had nearly killed Josh. 

Blurryface was cackling with glee, the sound chilling Tyler to the bone. “He won’t be back. He’ll leave us alone now, Tyler. It’ll be you, and me, forever. Just how it was meant to be.” 

Anger surged through him, clearing his head and filling it with a white hot rage. He’d had enough. Blurryface had taken everything from him, every positive thing that came into his life, he found a way to ruin. Tyler couldn’t take it anymore. He wouldn’t take this abuse any longer.

With a scream of anguish, he threw himself forward. Blurry was taken by surprise, and Tyler easily regained control over his own body. He’d ruined the last good thing Tyler had. There was no going back on that, there was no way to apologise for nearly killing someone. Josh was gone, forever. He would leave, and it would be entirely Blurryface’s fault. Tyler would deal with that later. 

Out, he had to get Blurryface out. He was in him, and he could only think of one solution to get him out. Doctors used to bleed sickness out of their patients, so maybe that’s what Tyler needed. He needed to get all of the evil out of him, and this was the quickest way. 

He ran unsteadily to his room, hoping he could find what he needed before Blurryface was back. If he was armed, he could hold him off, but right now he was vulnerable, exposed. Locking the door behind him, he threw open his closet, looking for the box he knew he had stashed ages ago. He found it buried in the back corner, shoved inside a pair of shoes he hadn’t worn in years. He tore the box open, scattering its contents across the floor. 

Picking one up with shaking hands, he carefully unwrapped it. He pressed the metal against his skin, feeling instant calm wash over him, despite how he had been feeling minutes earlier. His hands were still shaking, but he felt steady. This was familiar, this was okay. This would get rid of him, it would work. He just had to do enough to get the evil out, that’s all. 

He pressed down and pulled the blade against his arm, feeling the burning and stinging comfort fill his chest. This was good, it was working. He already felt more in control, could already feel the voices receding, just as they always did. He felt remarkably calm, given what had just happened. Maybe he was in shock, or something. He didn’t know how shock worked.

Someone, presumably Josh, was pounding on his door, hoarsely shouting. It sounded distant, not real. He assumed Josh would already be gone, out of the house and far away from Tyler. He blocked it out, hoping it would stop. He couldn’t face Josh right now, couldn’t face the aftermath of what Blurryface had done. 

He watched the blood beading a trail on his skin, and smiled vaguely. The more that left him, the better off he was going to be. He lifted the blade, bringing it down repeatedly, growing numb to the pain. He couldn’t even feel the sting anymore, and was left with only the satisfaction of knowing he was doing good on his promise to get rid of Blurryface once and for all.

Tyler dug the blade deeper into his skin, knowing that he needed to do this to put an end to everything. Blood ran down his arm and onto the floor. 

“Get out!” His voice was hoarse. “Get out of me! Leave me alone!” 

_ Tyler, stop. This is pointless, this will-  _

Tyler screamed, not in pain, but just to shut him up. He thought he was so clever, playing tricks on him. He wouldn’t trick him this time, no. He knew this would work, and Blurryface knew it would work. “Be QUIET!” 

He pressed harder, wanting everything to just  _ stop.  _

Dark red was steadily dripping onto the floor, Tyler felt lightheaded.

He lifted the blade once more, and it fell from his fingers as he once more found himself in the backseat, unable to control what his body was doing. He had been so close. 

“I told you to stop.” 

_ Get out of me, get OUT of my body!  _

“Sorry Ty, not today.” 

Not too bothered by the blood loss, Blurryface stood up and brushed himself off. Josh was no longer knocking at the door. In fact, Josh was nowhere to be found. He’d have to find out where he was, he didn’t want him to miss the show. Of course, Josh had been a star in the show, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve to see the grand finale. 

He made his way to the door and down the hall, his steps followed by a trail of blood, as if he were some grotesque version of hansel and gretel. He could feel Tyler struggling, attempting to take back control and end his mission. Blurry made a quick detour to the bathroom to swallow down a handful of sleeping pills before continuing his search for Josh. He wasn’t in his room, nor was he in the spare room. He looked down at his arms, wishing he knew if Tyler had any black paint. He quite liked the look, and it would go beautifully with the deep red gashes currently marring the tan skin. 

He checked the garage, but found nothing. No one in the bathroom, laundry room, or living room. Tyler was beginning to quiet, and Blurryface let himself relax. He was no longer in danger of being overthrown, so there was no rush. 

He ventured back into the kitchen, pondering if he should just go ahead and finish up. Josh couldn’t be too far, he would never leave his precious Tyler alone for too long. 

Unless, of course, he was scared. Blurryface never intended to kill him, only to scare him a bit. Make him fear Tyler, make him regret he had ever come to live in this god forsaken house. He had only hoped to leave Josh with a final impression of Tyler, to soil all of the memories they had created in his absence. 

It wasn’t exactly what he had hoped, but if a little light choking had been enough to scare him off for good, he supposed that was alright. 

The pills were proving to become too much for even Blurryface to handle. His vision was becoming blurred, and his hands were shaking as he pulled open the kitchen drawers. He had only hoped the medication would subdue Tyler, and had seemingly forgotten they would affect him as well. Cursing, he shook his head in an attempt to clear it and stay focused on the task at hand. He closed his fingers on the handle of a decently sized knife, and felt his steadiness return. Better.

The front door burst open, the sound accompanied by shouting. Blurryface whipped around with knife in hand, a wicked smile on his face. He held the knife up to his throat, savouring the sounds of Tyler’s subdued screams. He hadn’t planned on ending it this way, and not so soon, but he supposed he may as well make a scene while he could and go out with a bang. A quick scan of his company told him Josh was still MIA, which was the biggest disappointment for Blurry. He was really hoping he would have been able to see this. 

With a sigh of resignation that his plan hadn’t gone exactly as he’d hoped, he pressed the cool metal against his skin, keeping his gaze even as he locked eyes with one of the paramedics who had just so rudely entered the house without knocking. He had only seconds to act before the pathetic man would attempt to stop him.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten to take into account that there was more than just one to intimidate. Just as the blade had started to bite into his skin, he was hit from the side by something solid, knocking him to the ground and scattering the knife across the floor. Blurryface screamed in anger. 

Tyler’s fear instantly overpowered Blurryface being caught off guard by the tackle, and he was launched back into control. He didn’t even have time to let out a cry before his eyes rolled back in his head and everything went black.

\-----

Tyler didn’t remember much over the next few days. He didn’t remember being rushed to the hospital, paramedics and nurses scrambling to keep him alive and breathing. His head was pounding and felt full of cotton, and he remembered only fleeting moments; flashes of light, whispers of nurses, someone crying from somewhere nearby.

It was three days before he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way that blurryface presents himself is based off of [this art](https://candysugarskullgirl9.deviantart.com/art/BlurryFace-664400858) in case u wanted a better idea of what i was trying to describe ^^


End file.
